And yet here is Carrie Soto, daring to play.
I felt a sense of thrill at her announcement last month. And it’s not just me; so many of my friends seem to agree. Carrie Soto is living the dream for all of us, coming back for one last go around the block.
As we look ahead to what 1995 may have in store for us, our writers this month have focused on what’s new: the ingénues, the rookies, and the Young Turks. We have our cover story with breakout star Cameron Diaz, an upcoming look at what’s next for Aaliyah, and a conversation with Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy, the cast of Richard Linklater’s upcoming Before Sunrise.
But I would like to take the time to also celebrate those of us from the previous generation who are staying in the fight.
We know that Carrie Soto is likely not going to win a single title next year. And it would, perhaps, behoove her to admit it now and spare us all the embarrassment of having to pretend otherwise. One cannot deny the toll age takes on an athlete’s body, no matter how unjust. She will be a shadow of the dominant Battle Axe we knew in the eighties. But that is far from the point.
It is her right to have fun, to keep playing. To not help with dinner.
And I, for one, am glad she’s exercising it.
DECEMBER 1994
A month and a half before Melbourne
I stop reading the sports pages for now. Instead, in the mornings as I drink my smoothie and eat my almonds, I read the tabloids. Cindy Crawford and Richard Gere are getting divorced, which sort of shocks me, though I don’t know why.
I love gossip magazines. I cannot get enough of the delicious buzz of who is sleeping with who and what they are naming their babies. It is one of the many benefits to my dating life no longer making the covers of the magazines. I can read them at breakfast without fear. One tiny moment of peace in an otherwise grueling day.
After breakfast, every morning, I work out. Then, in the afternoon, I do drills. And then every evening, a little after five p.m., the lights kick on, and Bowe shows up and we play in the cool evening air.
At first, I win almost every time. But he improves quickly, too quickly. Soon, I am only winning when we play two out of three. Bowe starts winning when we play three out of five. An acute reminder that I need to work on my stamina.
Now, today, Bowe is playing the best he’s ever played. His serve is sharper, his focus is there. His shots are surprising me. He’s broken my serve multiple times today.
“This!” my father shouts to him across the court. “This is the player I wanted to see!”
“What?” Bowe calls out.
“I said this is the player I wanted to see!”
Bowe nods and then serves the ball. I suspect he heard my father the first time and simply hadn’t known how to respond.
Bowe and I play until about eight, when he squeezes out a win. I started tripping up in the last set, sending my forehands wide, my backhands into the net.
My father does not need to say anything. I can tell what he’s thinking when he catches my eye. If I play this way in the Open, I’m done for.
Bowe packs up his kit.
“So, tomorrow?” he says. We had agreed to one more session before he heads out for the ATP tour. We’ll play in Melbourne a bit too, before the tournament starts—acclimate to the weather and the courts. My father has already planned out which days I’ll be doing drills and practice matches and resting. He can tell you in December what I’ll be doing down to the minute at the end of January.
“Tomorrow it is,” I say.
“I’d be open to just hitting drills back and forth, instead of a match,” Bowe says. “We both could use some work on our serves. I’m breaking your serve more. I can feel that my backhand is getting more precise. But my own serve…I still need…”
“You need to work on your first serve for a solid week,” my father interjects. “Your form right now is pathetic compared to what you are capable of.”
“Dad…”
“No, it’s fine,” Bowe says.
“Of course it’s fine!” Javier says. “Because you know I’m right. You should not be using a pinpoint stance. You do not need power. You need precision, you need to—”
“I’ve used a pinpoint stance my whole life. That’s why I can smoke ’em past fuckers like Randall.”
“Randall quit tennis seven years ago. And you aren’t smoking them past anybody anymore.”
“So what’s your point?” Bowe says, his voice rising.
“My point is, practice a platform stance. You still have power, somehow. But you have lost your accuracy. You’re relying on your second serve way too much. Get your first serve past the net and you will win more.”
Bowe looks at my father. And then at me.
“He’s right,” I say.
“Yeah,” Bowe says, grabbing his things and walking off. “I fucking know he’s right. I’ll see you both tomorrow morning.”
As Bowe drives away, I look at my father.
“Why did you do that?” I say. “You’re not his coach––you don’t even like him.”
My father shakes his head from side to side. “He’s…he’s improving significantly just playing against you. And you…you’re hitting about three to four miles per hour faster on some strokes than just last week. He’s throwing shots at you just like ones we can expect from Nicki and Cortez and maybe Antonovich. And you’re…you’re hitting them better than you have all fall, hija. Do you see that?”
“So this is…it’s working,” I say.
“Yes,” my dad says. “It’s working.”
* * *
—
The next morning when Bowe shows up, he will barely look at my father.
But on his first serve, he’s using a platform stance.
My father stands on the sidelines and clocks it. I can see him hold back a smile.
JANUARY 1995
Melbourne
Less than a week before the beginning of the Australian Open
My father and I have been in Melbourne for two weeks now. Bowe has been in and out of town, playing in the Hard Court Championships in Adelaide and the Sydney Outdoor.
I feel a sense of missing out as he goes off to the ATP tour. The 1995 tennis season has begun, and it feels wrong not to be a part of it. But I am not the player I was fifteen years ago. My best shot at winning any of these is to stay focused on the Slams.
Every morning, my father and I cross-train until lunch. And then, on the days when Bowe is in town, he and I play a match in the afternoon.
A fan or two have found us some days, watching us rally back and forth. But today the crowd has grown significantly. There must be twenty people hanging around, trying to get a glimpse.
I can’t stop glancing at them. I can’t keep my eye on the court like it should be. I miss a few shots.
“Can we tell them to leave?” I ask my father during a changeover. Bowe is up a set.
“I’ve already asked them to,” my dad says. “I’m not sure what else we can do. Especially because Bowe’s pandering to them.”
I look at Bowe as he waves and then walks over to the crowd. I watch him sign an autograph and take a picture. His smile is big and wide, nearly brilliant under his baseball cap.
These past weeks he’s played a couple great matches in his tournaments. He’s lifted himself a few spots in the rankings. It is obvious to me now that there is an element of Bowe’s game that I haven’t accounted for. When the energy of the crowd is there for him, when eyes are on him, he rises to it.
“C’mon, Soto!” Bowe yells as he makes his way back to the baseline, ready to begin again.
I get in position, and he serves it to me—fast, deadly. An ace.
I look to my father and see that his face is completely blank. I feel my shoulders tense.
So much of my game is coming back, as if my muscles have a long and generous memory. But sometimes I lose control of my swing, or I choose the wrong shots. And that is not a sign of a player who is ready for a Slam.