I’m confused about what she’s referring to, and then Maylak chuckles as well. “Esha!”
I look down and the baby’s found my…courting gift and is examining it with great intensity.
“Oh my lord,” I murmur and take it from her, wrapping it with leather again. “Aehako gave this to me.”
“Uh huh,” Megan says, voice teasing.
“Blame Liz. She told him it was what human men do to court women.”
“Ooo, a romance blossoming?” She clasps her hands. “That’s so awesome.”
I shake my head. “It’s not going anywhere. I’m never going to resonate. How do I know he won’t resonate to you tomorrow? Or to Josie? Or Claire?”
Then I’ll be abandoned again. It’s the story of my life. Every time I meet a guy — a rare enough occasion as it is — and we start to connect, I feel obligated to point out that I can’t have children. And since I don’t put out, their interest dies. I’m not a long-term girlfriend. I’m a short, not-very-fun sort of fling until they meet the one they want to spend the rest of their lives with.
And it’s never, ever me.
This time, Megan’s sympathetic look of pity bothers me.
“It is what it is. Here,” I say, opening my pouch to turn the conversation. “I brought you herbs, Maylak.”
? ? ?
Things are quiet for several days. The humans keep themselves busy enough. Josie’s decided that she wants to learn how to cook, and Tiffany’s still working on trying to make dvisti wool into yarn of some kind. Megan is with Maylak tending to the herb plants around the caves, and Harlow is scraping skins. Claire hides with her alien boyfriend and watches the small children when the parents are busy.
Everyone’s staying busy, including me. There’s granulated salt from the ‘great salt lake’ a few days travel away, and it’s precious to everyone, so I’m trying to figure out how to salt or smoke meat to make it last longer. Food’s precious, though, so I take the unpleasant bits that people don’t like the taste of and experiment on those. Even that feels wasteful, though. One of the caches of frozen meat was buried under an avalanche and the tribe is worried that there won’t be enough food to feed everyone when it gets ‘really cold’ so we’re all in work mode. There’s extra mouths, pregnant women, and lots of clothing needed so there’s no time to be idle.
Aehako hasn’t been around lately. He’s been out hunting as well, and it’s weird, but I miss his flirting and his laughter. I tell myself that I shouldn’t, but everyone else seems to be blending in just fine with the group…except me.
I feel weirdly lonely. Maybe it’s because my closest friends all seem to have found love. I hate that I feel envy when I see Vektal feeding Georgie choice bits of meat, or the fact that Liz and Raahosh prefer to stay out in the field because it means a lot of alone time for them. I’m even envious of Ariana, because her mate Zolaya bends over backward to make her smile.
The only person I have is Aehako, and I chased him away.
The hunters have been afield all week long, and it makes the caves quiet. Nevertheless, when Aehako returns from a hunting trip with extra furs and a wink for me, it’s hard not to feel flushed with excitement. Especially when he insists on saving the furs for me to make a cloak for myself. He’s so thoughtful.
Of course, then I remember the dildo, complete right down to the veins, and get all embarrassed again.
That day, Liz and Raahosh stop by with a sled full of meat for the tribe and will stay overnight. They’ve come in at the same time as Cashol, one of the many single hunters in the sa-khui clan. I hug Liz, happy to see her. She’s utterly radiant, glowing with good health and love for her mate.
“How’s the hunting?” I ask, beaming at her. “That mate of yours keeping you fed?”
She laughs and steps to the side as Cashol slings a dead dvisti over his shoulder, bringing it into the caves for the tribe to eat. Someone directs him toward the bachelorette cave, probably because Tiffany’s trying her darndest to make something with all the dvisti wool. Liz giggles and catches my attention again. “God, yes. When we’re not fucking like bunnies, we’re eating. So much food.” She pats her belly. “Raahosh is determined to make me expand early.”
The scarred-up alien leans in and gives his mate a kiss on top of her head. “I must go say a greeting to my chief.” He heads off in Vektal’s direction.
Liz watches him go with a possessive smile, and then she turns to me. “How are you? How’s life in the crowded caves?”
“Crowded,” I agree. “We’re all stepping over each other. They’re talking about starting a second cave again in a few years, once all the babies are here.”
“They are?”
I nod. “Apparently there was a second smaller one nearby back in the day, but after the sickness everyone moved in to just the one.”
“So why not open it up again?” Liz slings her arm around my waist as we head toward the bachelorette caves to sit for a bit.
“Because they’re not sure if we have enough supplies to feed two caves,” I tell her. It’s been a topic of much conversation lately. “The caves are a half a day’s walk during good weather, and impossible to get to during bad weather. They’re afraid someone might starve in the winter. For now we’re going to stick here and see what happens.”
I’m torn on the thought of another cave. It might be nice to have a bit of privacy…but I also worry that it will turn into a ‘send all the rejects over to this other place’ situation and I don’t want that to happen, either.
“I don’t mind the crowding,” I add after a moment. “I–
A high pitched squeal echoes in the cavern. Liz and I share a look and then we both race for the bachelorette cave, which is where the squeal came from.
When we get there, Megan’s got her arms wrapped around Cashol’s neck. He holds her against him, his face tucked against her, and her feet aren’t touching the ground. She giggles and squeals again, and then we hear it–the faint sound of purring in symphony.
“Oh shit,” Liz says, and gives a happy clap. “Did you two just resonate?”
“We did,” Megan says, and presses a kiss on a stunned Cashol’s face. “Are you okay?”
“My mate,” he says reverently, and then swings Megan around again. “My mate!”
She kisses his face over and over, and then gives him a smacking one on the mouth that confuses him.
By now, there’s a crowd forming at the entrance of the cave, but Megan and Cashol are oblivious. She’s staring happily into his eyes and he can’t stop touching her. We might as well not exist. The purring in the cave is loud enough to make my own silent chest feel over-quiet.
“This is a good day,” Vektal says behind us. “Our tribe continues to grow and thrive.”
“Yo,” Liz says as Cashol starts to undo the laces in his pants. Megan’s equally oblivious, now tonguing his mouth with an enthusiasm that’s a little obscene to watch. “I think we should give them some privacy.”
Georgie strides forward, pushing past all the onlookers, and she pulls the curtains over the entrance to the bachelorette cave shut. “Let’s leave them alone,” she says brightly. “Most of the hunters are back, and we’ve got good news. I’d say this calls for a celebration.”
A few happy cheers echo in the air, and chatter begins, drowning out the happy couple’s purring. I step away, feeling a little lost and lonely. I should be happy for Megan. I should. For some reason, I glance over at the edge of the cavern and see Aehako.
He’s watching me.
And my heart aches a little more because I can’t have him.
AEHAKO