“I am not a sexy person,” I say primly, thinking of what we did not even forty-five minutes ago. Which was absolutely, one hundred percent sexy.
I still can’t believe I did it, but I couldn’t resist. Seeing him like that…he was just so big. I wanted to know what he tasted like. And while I didn’t give him a full-blown blow job, he seemed rather pleased with what I did do.
And I like that, pleasing him. Making him feel good, even though it’s scary and I worry I’ll make a mistake, I’m realizing that he seems to enjoy everything I do. I liked seeing the blissed-out expression on his face, and how he lost control. The sounds he made and the commanding way he took over. It was hot.
Sexy, like he says.
“Wren.” His voice is flat, and I glance over at him once again, frowning. “Please. You’re the sexiest woman I know.”
I sit up straighter, thrilled by his praise. At the way he called me a woman. I’m close enough to eighteen that I guess I should get used to that, though in some ways I still feel like a kid.
Not tonight though. Not even close.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
He pulls me in for another soft kiss, our meals soon forgotten as we lose ourselves in each other. Is this what the entire weekend is going to be like? We can’t do this so freely at school and maybe he feels all pent-up. As if his want for me is now spilling all over. On campus, I don’t want people to see us and I’m sure he doesn’t either.
Or maybe he doesn’t care who sees us. Maybe I shouldn’t care either.
It’s wild, to think how much we’ve changed. With each other, and how we feel.
When he ends the kiss, I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.
“A few weeks ago, you hated me.”
He frowns. “I told you before I never hated you. Not really. You just—frustrated me. All the time.”
It still bothers me that I would affect him so terribly while I was completely oblivious—only at first. After a few short weeks, I knew Crew Lancaster didn’t like me. I just never understood it.
“Why? I never even talked to you. And once I realized you had it out for me, I avoided you as much as possible.”
“Because I wanted you, though I was in complete denial.” His smile is slow. A little arrogant. “And look. Now I’ve got you.”
Is that the only reason though? He supposedly hated me? It’s odd. Was he so disgusted with his supposed attraction for me that he masked it by acting like a complete jerk and treating me terribly? Glaring at me if I even dared to look at him? If that’s the case…
That’s kind of messed up.
“You think you’ve got me?” I raise my brows.
“I convinced the last virgin in our senior class to come away with me for the weekend.” The heat in his gaze tells me he’s thinking of all the things we’ve done together so far that takes me closer to losing my virginity, once and for all. “Pretty sure I’ve got you.”
“You’re very cocky, Crew Lancaster.” I kiss his cheek, darting away from him when he tries to recapture my lips with his own.
“Did you just say the word cock, Birdy?”
I’m immediately horrified he would even suggest such a thing. “Absolutely not. I said cocky.”
“Nope. I heard it. I heard cock.” He’s grinning. “Go on. Say it. You know you want to.”
I’m shaking my head. “No way. I don’t say words like that.”
“That’s too bad,” he murmurs, his gaze focused solely on my mouth. “I would love to hear you say a string of dirty words in that sweet voice of yours.”
“You think my voice is sweet?”
He nods. “Maybe you could whisper them in my ear.”
I slowly shake my head. “I couldn’t.”
Crew ignores my protests. “You know what I’m really looking forward to?”
“What?”
“Watching those lips wrap around my cock again.” His gaze lifts to mine. “Hopefully you’ll suck me deep next time.”
My cheeks feel like they’re on fire, thanks to what he said. “You’re embarrassing me.”
“Don’t ever be embarrassed.” He pulls me in close, until I’m practically in his lap. “Get used to it, Birdy. This is all we’re going to do for the entire weekend.”
I form my lips into an exaggerated pout. “You promised to show me the Christmas lights.”
“And I will.” He kisses the tip of my nose. “For like an hour. Tops.”
“Crew.” I shove at his chest, but he doesn’t budge.
“Wren.” His tone is teasing, his eyes sparkling as he studies me.
I’ve never seen him look so handsome.
Handsome enough to make my heart hurt.
God, what are we doing? He said it so himself, that Saturday afternoon in the back of the car before he kissed me for the very first time.
This probably isn’t going to end well.
I’m scared he’s right.
THIRTY-EIGHT
WREN
It’s late afternoon and we’re checking out the shops downtown, strolling by the gorgeously decorated window displays hand in hand. Crew humors me every time I stop to marvel at the pretty Christmas decorations, or when I have to look inside the store, though I never buy anything.
There’s really no one I want to buy Christmas gifts for. My grandparents on both sides are gone. I don’t have siblings. I’m not that close to any of my aunts and uncles. There are only my parents, and what do you buy the people who own everything they could ever want?
It was so much easier when I was younger and I could make them gifts in class. The pressure was off. Now I’m on the hunt for something special and unique, and I’m coming up empty.
The air is crisp and bitingly cold, the sky heavy with clouds. Snow lines the sidewalks, and the spindly trees are strung with twinkling white lights. Christmas decorations are everywhere. Large pine wreaths trimmed with simple red ribbons. Beautifully decorated Christmas trees stand tall in store windows. When the door opens of almost any shop, the sound of Christmas music wafts in the air, filling me with excitement.
I’ve never had a boyfriend during the holiday season—and my birthday—before. Well, I’ve never had a boyfriend, period. And while I’m not sure if I can consider Crew Lancaster my actual boyfriend, it feels like he could be.
And that feels more magical than the holiday season.
I think of last night and what we shared. How we ate dinner and kissed for a little while. Tried to watch a movie but we both could barely keep our eyes open. We ended up going to bed and never really did anything. Woke up and got ready for the day like it was perfectly normal for us to have slept together.
It was kind of nice, sleeping with Crew. Studying his face before he woke up. How sweet he looked, like the little boy he used to be. I woke him up by touching his cheek, and when he first cracked his eyes open, he looked at me as if I were the most wondrous thing he’s ever seen. It made my heart expand, filling me with far too much hope, which I needed after the doubt I struggled with last night.
He's been patient with me all day, indulging my every whim. We ate breakfast at the hotel restaurant. Went driving around looking at all the stately houses in the area, all of them decorated for the holidays. We finally ended up here in the downtown area, which is bustling with people out shopping for gifts. It all feels so natural, spending time with Crew like this. Having him smile at me, wanting to touch me. I could get used to this.
And that’s terrifying.
I’m wandering around a shop full of useless but beautiful knickknacks, Crew patient by my side, when I come to a stop, exhaling loudly. “I don’t know what to get my mother for Christmas.”
“Is that what you’ve been looking for? Gifts for your mom?”
“And my dad.” I pick up a rustic bird carved out of wood, turning it this way and that, appreciating the technique. “They’re impossible to buy for.”
“So are mine.”
“What are you getting them?” I glance over at him expectantly.
“Nothing.” He shrugs.
I frown. “You aren’t buying them anything?”
“There’s no point. They don’t expect any of us to. Especially me.”