“No.”
My whole life, I thought Father had to punish women. We are such an unwieldy gender, he needed to at least take one of us in hand. “How–how can it not say that? I thought—He always—” I try to gather my thoughts. “What does it say?”
“It says a lot, but little on women. Estate things like I mentioned. It says once married she must bear children, or her husband may tarnish her. The only other things are about your engagement and wedding ceremony which you already know or I can't reveal.”
“Nothing about punishments?”
“Not one, single, thing.” He paces the length of the room and mumbles, “This is exactly why I—” He shakes his head.
After a few minutes of watching him pace the floor and trying to wrap my mind around the new concept, I ask, “What did you mean then about being careful with me?”
The pacing stops. His cheeks pink. “I meant something more along the lines of getting caught kissing again.”
“That's a law? Father never behaved as such.”
“Yes, but your Father isn't about to be married and already has children.”
My own cheeks heat. “So, it's like the same reason you wanted to kiss me in front of Phyllis.”
“Yes. The law that has to do with you bearing children. It's expected that I'm to be anxious for it.” He clears his throat.
“I suppose I understand what they mean.” I grip the arm rests feeling a little anxious myself, though exactly why I can't say. “Are you sure it's necessary?”
A mirthless laugh escapes him. “You offer to let me hurt you, but don't want to kiss me?”
The memory of his lips pressed against mine surfaces. The comfort there. And something else. Do I want to kiss him? The room grows hot. Not really wanting to talk about it, but sort of hoping we will, I shrug.
He snorts. “Forget I mentioned it.”
Air rushes past me as he storms from the room, not bothering to close the door behind him. I stare after him long after he's gone, my lips tingling.
Chapter Twenty-Four
I hurry to finish my breakfast so I don't have to be around Zade longer than necessary. Still, the meal drags on. The silence has grown uncomfortable between us. Prickly. Perhaps it only bothers me. He eats as if nothing's wrong, even taking his time over a cup of warm milk. Like there aren't people trying to kill him. It's unbearable. At least when Father grew silent at meals I knew what to expect.
I don't finish my chocolate before excusing myself. Once out of the dining hall, I stroll through the manor, then the gardens. The morning sun's warmth soothes my skin. I head for the fountain in the middle of the garden. It's becoming my favorite. Halfway there, Cynthia and Bethany come into view.
Bethany looks as good as I remember. Better actually. More relaxed, but there's more of a change than that. The last of her baby fat has thinned from her cheeks. Her dark green dress fitted until her waist where it fans out. She looks like a woman.
“How are you feeling this morning?” I ask. “Any lingering pain?”
“I'm fine. Thank you for getting Chancellor Zade.”
Fine except for the spy spell lingering on you. I wish I could tell her about it. Instead I have to minimize what she knows. What she could pass on to Father.
“I only told him you had a limp. He insisted on fixing it himself, though I'm sure your gratitude was be appreciated.” Usually lying isn't so bad. I've done it often enough to Father. Never once have I felt guilty for telling one, until now. This is so different and much worse. It feels like it's eating at me from the inside. I can't think like this. Lying to Bethany is like lying to Father, for now at least. The reminder doesn't help.
No one speaks. It really hits me that my sisters are only allowed to be here to spy on me. I can't trust them with anything, and as soon as Father has no further need for spying on us, they'll go home. If his plans turn out like he wants, I'll be going home with them. My stomach churns at the thought.
“This is another of Serena's new gowns.” Cynthia finally breaks the silence. “Isn't it lovely?”
“It is,” Bethany says. “I wish I could have one like it.”
“Best of all it's a two piece.” I grin. Father should hear this. It will make him furious, but it's not unlawful. Or maybe it was too impulsive. Will he find a way to punish her from a distance? Or what if he punishes my other sisters? There's nothing I can do to protect them.
“I didn't realize before, but I see it now. How clever.” Bethany grins. “I'm going to enjoy your new wardrobe. I wish we were the same size so I could pilfer a dress or two.”
I laugh. “And I'll be glad we aren't.”
“You should meet Katherine,” Cynthia says. “Didn't Waverly need to talk to her anyway? We could go to town and stop by for a visit.”