“Of course.” But even as I say the words, I can't help but doubt them. He looks so shocked, his face drawn, brows raised, he's earnest.
He kneels on the ground before me so we're about eye level and takes my hands. “Serena, I beg for your forgiveness. I had no idea of you being hurt by my comments. In Envado, a birth is always treasured and my mother taught me to treat those surrounded by a birth with respect.”
I stare at him, unable to comprehend his words. Could it really be? Did he truly not mean to hurt me? Does he really not mean to ever punish me or my sisters? His eyes search mine. I can't help but want to believe him. A small flame of hope lights within me.
“How do I know your words are true and not meant to set me up so the punishment is worse when delivered?”
He hangs his head. His words are barely audible. “What have they done to you?”
After a moment, he lifts his head and gives my hands a squeeze. “I doubt anything I say or do will make a difference on how you feel, but I'll give you what I can. You have my word that I will not intentionally harm you or your sisters. If I do, tell me and I'll fix it.”
His hands are so firm, but giving, wrapped around mine. I don't know if I should believe him. I nod to let him think he's getting his way. At the very least it will give me time to think on it.
With a sigh, he withdraws his hands and retakes his seat next to me. “Is that why the note bothered you?”
“Yes and no.”
“Tell me what else bothered you.”
I hesitate then say, “The note was just a reminder of where I used to be and where my sisters still are. Without me there, I don't know what's happening to them.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” I slump back. He sits without saying a word. “Is it like this in Envado?”
“I hope that my actions have been a good example of what things are like there. Here though, everything isn't just different. It's wrong.”
“Wrong how?”
He looks as if he's going to say something, but shakes his head. After a moment, he says, “It doesn't matter. I have a council meeting I should prepare for, and you probably have some arrangements to make for your sister's arrival.”
“I suppose I have.”
But neither of us move. Cynthia readied a room across from hers, in hopes that Bethany would come. There's not much else to do until she gets here. I wonder what Chancellor Zade must do in preparation for a council meeting. I watch him from beneath lowered lashes. He slouches against the bench, eyes unfocused. Whatever he does must require a lot of thought. What is he thinking about?
I watch him for a minute before building enough courage to ask, “Is it hard getting ready for a council meeting?
His eyes come into focus. “You really want to know?”
I lick my lips. He said he wouldn't punish me. Gave his word. Did he mean it? I steel myself in case he didn't. “I do.”
“Why?”
Why? It's something I've never thought of before, but all my life Father has attended council meetings. Warlocks discuss them all the time, even ones not on the council, though in general terms. Only tiny bits of clues slip out as to what goes on. I want to know more about those little hints. Know why I'm forced to marry when Father says I must. Know why my sisters and I must be punished.
I straighten my skirt. “It seems to me there's a lot more going on than I always thought, and it'd be nice to know. Perhaps attend a council meeting.” I slap a hand over my mouth. After backing as far away from him as I can, I watch for signs of delivering pain. I've never been so outspoken before.
“Are those your thoughts or did your Father put you up to this?”
Not moving my hand from my mouth, I shake my head.
His voice grows quieter. “No to which one, Serena? You have to tell me.”
I put my hand on my skirt and clench it. I don't dare take my eyes from him. “Not my Father.”
“I need to be sure. Would you be willing to let me cast a truth spell on you?”
I bite my lower lip. He's asking and not just doing, that has to be better, right? Still, I don't want a spell cast on me.
“I won't do it without your permission, so if you want continue this discussion we can after you answer a few questions under the spell. Any time you want to stop, we will, nothing further. You don't want to do it, fine, but I can't tell you more until I know for sure.”
If I don't continue it now, I'll never do it. How much do I trust him? Not at all. Or perhaps some. He's more trustworthy than Father. And I do want to know more about the council. The tarnished. The multi-wives law. The sacrifices. Why do they do those? The fate of me and my sisters. Is having the chance to know a little more about them worth allowing a spell?
“If I let you cast the spell on me, will you answer my questions?”
“I'll answer what I can. There are some things I can't say. Like the engagement ceremony.”
I nod. That I understand. “Cast it. Before I change my mind.”