“What has gotten into you?” Cynthia puts her hands on her hips. If she'd been watching mother closer, she'd know they're supposed to be fisted as well. “I know you're unhappy, but you must be more cautious. You can't continue being so out spoken. You've been getting worse ever since your birthday.”
The day my future took a path away from her. I clench my teeth. One-by-one I pull my fingers from my glove, then take it completely off. After repeating the action with the other one, I throw them on the back of a chair. The cool air is refreshing against my freed skin.
“He murdered someone. I don't like it. Rather, I hate it. Doesn't it bother you?”
“Of course it does, Serena. I'm not totally unfeeling. But I know when to be cautious. I don't want to see you taken from me. From us.”
The words sting with truth, yet they don't change facts. “Thomas already owns me. My engagement ceremony is a little over four weeks away, the wedding four months after that. I'm leaving you. Nothing can stop that.”
She plops down in a chair. “But I'll still be able to see you from time to time. Dinner parties, balls, and such. But if you make a wrong turn—”
“Why do you keep thinking I'll do something wrong?”
“Because sometimes you act as if there are no consequences to your words. I'm used to you being this way around Father, but things are different now.” She sniffs. “I don't know how I would go on without seeing you again. How are we going to make it at home without you? You always stand up for us and take the brunt of everything. It'll be hard enough in four months. If you become tarnished, it would be terrible. It would be as if you were dead.”
Guilt pricks at me. I focus on that and not the fear that's been in me ever since Thomas's threat to tarnish me. I settle myself on the floor beside her seat. “Hush now. No tears. I don't do as much for you and the others as you think.”
“You do. We owe so much for everything you do for us.”
“Now you're just being silly.”
She sits straighter. “You remember the time you visited Aunt Mary last year?”
“Yes. She has the most lovely peach orchards.” The trees were in full bloom and went on farther than I could see. Plus, Uncle wasn't so ready with punishments. I wish he hadn't died so I could go again.
Several moments of silence pass, full of sweet memories of wandering the groves unaccompanied and visiting with Aunt Mary before she speaks. “Father hexed me three times and beat me once while you were away. He beat Bethany twice, and I lost count of how many times he hexed her.”
I slouch against the side of her chair, not caring that it digs into my back. Getting away and avoiding Father's punishments came with a price I didn't know I was paying. “Why didn't you say anything?”
“You couldn't change it. When you came home, it was over. And you were happy. You'd never been like that before. Or since. I didn't want to make you lose that joy faster than you had to.”
“Then why tell me now?”
“Perhaps I shouldn't have, but I don't want you going to a place that prevents you from ever returning home. If you're not careful, you will.”
As if she would know. One week of me being gone didn't seem to change her behavior any. “Silly frills and finding a mate are all you ever care about. You have no idea what it's like to worry.”
“I worry more than I let on. But do you know what I do, Serena? I hide those thoughts and feelings, and move on with my life.”
The impact of her words jerk through me. If that's really the case, have her big smiles and infatuations with boys been hiding her worry all this time? She's much better at it than I am. My guilt builds, yet I can't help but wonder why she hides it. If she stood up more often, would Father see us as more than property to be sold? Ridiculous thought. Of course he wouldn't.
“I'll try harder.” I rise and head for my temporary quarters. “See you in the morning.”
Cynthia follows after me. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you.”
“Don't be. Thank you for telling me, it's given me something to think on.” Even if I don't want to think about it. The weight I've always carried for my sisters seems heavier.
“I really am sorry. I just don't want you to go.”
I force the corners of my mouth to lift. “All will be well. Goodnight.”
“Night, Serena.”
I cross into my room, shutting the door behind me. After a moment, her footsteps recede. I slump against the wall and slide to the floor. My sisters. I've worked seventeen years to protect them. Apparently, I haven't been doing enough. Yet, the little I was able to do, I'll no longer be able to provide. Marriage will stop me from being with them more than she thinks. I'll never be more than I am now. Only less. Less able to help them in anyway. My ability to choose will fade. I'll take on the role of a breeder.
Or worse. I'll become like that haunted tarnished. Bald. Inked. Barren. Emotionless. Not worth the shadow I cast.