I exhale a shaky breath. “This was horrible,” I admit quietly.
And a little scary. I didn’t realize how fast—maybe too fast—I’d come to trust him. For him to vanish, it felt like the rug was yanked out from under me. Possibly I should pull back now, saying smart, cautious things about how we might need each other too much and that’s not healthy. But that’s the therapist talking in my head, not me. I hope. I only know that we’ve made an actual connection, and it will take more than this to make me give it up.
“For me too. Nothing even felt real without you.”
Wow. It’s quite a revelation to discover that I’m as important to him as he’s become to me. This is like being poised on a precipice, not knowing whether you’ll fall or fly. But I’m leaning into the wind, enjoying the freedom. I wish this moment could last forever.
“I sat outside with the burners,” I confess.
Shane smiles wryly. “Lila was worried about you at lunch. She was eyeing me like she thought I killed you and stashed your body.”
“You sat at our usual table?” That surprises me. I figured he’d be hiding somewhere. Before we started talking, he kept so much to himself.
He nods. “I was hoping you’d be there.”
“I was afraid you wouldn’t.” I pause, rubbing my cheek against his chest. Even in his P&K uniform, he’s hot. “Maybe we should talk about how to keep this from happening again. I care obviously … and it bothers me to think of you walking five miles in the dark. That’s not crazy, right?”
“No. But … I’m not big on having my choices taken away.”
Yeah, he wouldn’t be. So many things have been beyond his control.
“So if I ask first, that would be better?”
“Yeah.” Shane glances at the cat-shaped clock on the wall, the kind with the google eyes and a pendulum for the tail. “Crap, gotta go. I’ll have to run to make it back before my break ends.”
“Wait!” Quickly, I pat his hair dry and then crinkle my fingers through it with some product designed to enhance soft curls.
He ducks for a quick kiss and then he’s gone in a jangle of the front door. Grace comes back to the shampoo station, grinning like mad. “He’s cute.” She stretches the word into twelve syllables. “How long’s that been going on?”
“A few weeks?”
For me, honestly, it began the minute he walked into my math class, but I couldn’t tap his shoulder and say, Hi, I’m yours, take me home. Surprising as it may sound, the crazy approach makes some dudes nervous. So I’m trying to save my insanity, dole it out in trickles, so he doesn’t run screaming. He still might when he figures me out, but I’ll have some sweet memories by then.
Like him saying, I want to be the one person who never lets you down.
The bizarre part is that I would like to believe in him. He’s that mythical being, rare as a unicorn. He’s the one I can trust, right, universe? I’ve been waiting a long time for you, Shane Cavendish. You have no idea.
“Tell me everything,” Grace demands.
She’s my favorite of the stylists, a young twenty-eight who didn’t know what she wanted to be when she grew up … and still doesn’t. Grace fell into beauty school because she had a coupon. As it turned out, she was pretty good, but she still doesn’t see this as her life’s work. She’s always looking for the handsome prince who’ll take her away from all this. But there aren’t many around here.
My plan is to leave town in two years. After graduation, I picture myself going to Unity College in Maine, and after that? I have no idea. Wherever I can find work, I guess. The future sometimes looms like a monster, a horrible scary one with teeth and claws. It’s hard to plan your life when all the news talks about is how screwed up the world’s become.