“I think that’s pretty cool,” Shanna volunteers.
I smile. I’m a little surprised, however. Of this crew, she dresses the darkest, but I should know not to judge a book by its cover. I look squeaky clean, innocent even. What I don’t tell her is that I’m beyond doing stuff because someone else thinks it’s a good idea. These days I do things to fill craters inside, filling up the bad echoes with goodness. God knows I need it.
“Do us a favor, though,” I say to Mel, who seems the most sensible of the four. “Spread the word that it’s just gossip, okay?”
“Not a problem,” Kimmy says, already texting.
We make general conversation after this, and midway through lunch, I look up to see Tara and Kenny standing by the table. They both look awkward, so I try to make whatever it is easier with a smile and a friendly “hey, guys.”
“Is it true?” Kenny asks. As usual, he has on his cherished Mario hat. Kenny is really good at two things: math and video games. He’ll probably make a million dollars before he’s thirty.
“What?”
Tara bites her lip. “That you dumped Ryan to be with Lila.”
Ha-ha, OMG. I feel a burning desire to put my head down on the scarred table and laugh. This has been a busy week, what with the fake boyfriend and the fake girlfriend, when I’ve never had a real date. Somehow, I restrain the mild hysteria. I hope people aren’t as mean to us as they were Jon Summers. But maybe it’s only horrible to be gay in this town if you’re a guy. Two girls together, on the other hand, might be considered hot. I hate that double standard so much.
“Nope. Don’t tell me you bought into the rumor mill.” I cock a brow at them.
“I knew it was crap,” Tara says.
“So … we were wondering,” Kenny adds.
“Yes?” Lila looks tremendously amused.
“Can we sit with you, every other lunch period?” Tara asks in a rush.
“Not every day?” I wonder aloud.
Kenny grins. “Nah. Even if he’s been a grumpy ass lately, we’re not ditching Ryan. We thought you guys could share custody.”
“This is so adorable, I could barf.” Lila is choking on her fries.
“It’s cool with me if Mel, Kimmy, Theo, and Shanna don’t mind.” I cast an inquiring look at the sophomores who have first claim on the table.
“Not a problem,” Mel decides.
Lila sighs. “This is starting to feel like a babysitting job.”
“You can walk away anytime. My broken heart will mend.” I grin at her, seeing the ridiculous in our situation.
She laughs.
“It’s not that I mind people thinking we’re together,” I say later, walking with Lila back to our lockers. “On principle. But you might like someone, and if they think you’re taken…”
That’s exactly what Ryan did to me.
“They won’t ask me out,” she finishes. “There is someone, but he’s emotionally unavailable at the moment. So, not a big deal.”
“This crap is so complicated,” I mumble.
She grins. “Should I put my arm around you to fuel the rumors?”
“Only if you want them never to die.”
In a school this size, she and I will be lesbians forever to some people, even now, just from a mean joke Dylan Smith made to some football buddies. Man, what is wrong with people? If Lila and I were really struggling, the looks, snickers, and whispered jokes would be unbearable. High school really is hell. I think of Jon Summers and I want to get back at the ones who drove him to it. I know how. It’s hard not to imagine all the ways I could make them sorry.
But I’m not like that anymore. I don’t do bad things.