“Then you point where you want to go and I’ll move you.”
He’s not giving up. I didn’t really expect him to. By this point, wafflers and wusses have been winnowed out. There are no pussies left. I tell him where to place the pieces and how each one moves. Describe the basic rules. Lots of nodding and uh-huhs, but I get the feeling there’s a lot of agreeing and not much grasping. Then we play and I slaughter him in four moves. The next game, he falls into arguing and denying: You can’t do that! Tell me that isn’t the stupidest damn rule ever. Game three and I’m sure he’s regretting the whole idea. My spirits aren’t being lifted and his are being totally crushed.
“This is the dumbest-assed game ever invented,” he pouts.
“Chess wasn’t invented. It was discovered.”
“Like America?”
“Like mathematics.”
“I knew girls just like you in school.” He leaves the point there and starts to set up the board again.
“That’s all right, Razor. I’m tired.”
“Tomorrow I’m bringing some checkers.” Spoken like a threat.
He doesn’t, though. Tray, box, board. This time he sets up the pieces in a strange configuration: the black king in the center facing him, the queen on the edge facing the king, three pawns behind the king at ten, twelve, and two o’clock, one knight on the king’s right, another on his left, a bishop directly behind him and, next to the bishop, another pawn. Then Razor looks at me, wearing that seraphic grin.
“Okay.” I’m nodding, not sure why.
“I’ve invented a game. Are you ready? It’s called . . .” He taps on the bedrail to produce a drumroll. “Chaseball!”
“Chaseball?”
“Chess-baseball. Chaseball. Get it?” He plops a coin beside the board.
“What’s that?” I ask.
“It’s a quarter.”
“I know it’s a quarter.”
“For the purposes of the game, it’s the ball. Well, not really the ball, but it represents the ball. Or what happens with the ball. If you’d be quiet a second, I could explain all the rules.”
“I wasn’t talking.”
“Good. You give me a headache when you talk. Name-calling and Yoda quotes about chess and cryptic elephant stories. You want to play or not?”
He doesn’t wait for an answer. He places a white pawn just in front of the black queen, saying that’s him, the batter.
“You should lead off with your queen. She’s the most powerful.”
“That’s why she bats cleanup.” He shakes his head. My ignorance is astounding. “Real simple: Defense, that’s you, flips first. Heads, it’s a strike. Tails, a ball.”
“A coin won’t work,” I point out. “There are three possibilities: strike, ball, or a hit.”
“Actually, there are four, counting fouls. You stick to chess; I’ll handle baseball.”
“Chaseball,” I correct him.
“Anyway. If you flip a ball, that’s a ball, and you flip again. Comes up heads, though, and then I get the coin. See, that gives me a chance to get a hit. Heads I connect, tails I miss. If I miss, strike one. And so on.”
“I get it. And if you flip heads, I get the coin back to see if I can field it. Heads I throw you out . . .”
“Wrong! So wrong! No. First I flip, three times. Four times if I get a TT.”
“TT?”
“Two tails. That’s a triple. With a TT you get one more flip: heads is a home run; tails, just a triple. Heads-heads is a single; heads-tails is a double.”
“Maybe we should just start playing and you can—”
“Then you get the coin back to see if you can field my potential single, double, triple, or homer. Heads, I’m out. Tails, I’m on base.” He takes a deep breath. “Unless it’s a home run, of course.”
“Of course.”
“Are you making fun of me? Because I don’t know—”
“I’m just trying to absorb—”
“It kind of sounds like you are. You have no idea how long it took me to come up with this. It’s pretty complicated. I mean, not like the game of kings, but you know what they call baseball, don’t you? The national pastime. Baseball is called the national pastime because, by playing it, we learn how to master time. Or the past. One of ’em.”
“Now you’re the one making fun of me.”
“Actually, I’m the only one making fun of you right now.” He waits. I know what he’s waiting for. “You never smile.”
“Does it matter?”
“Once, when I was a kid, I laughed so hard, I peed my pants. We were at Six Flags. The Ferris wheel.”
“What made you laugh?”
“I can’t remember now.” He slides his hand beneath my wrist and lifts my arm to press the quarter into my upturned palm. “Flip the damn coin so we can play.”