“I don’t want him to know, okay?” she said after a pause. She looked me in the eye. “So don’t tell him.” And then Stephanie walked out the door.
I stared after her. Jamie thought he was being loyal by hating Noah, who had actually only helped. And Stephanie wasn’t upset about her choice; she was just afraid of what her brother would think of her for making it.
Was I so different?
I used to think there was nothing I could do to change the way my family saw me. There was nothing I couldn’t say.
But now I knew that wasn’t true. I’ll walk forever with stories inside me that the people I love the most can never hear.
35
I SURVIVED MY FIRST WEEK AT HORIZONS WITHOUT killing anyone or getting killed myself, and by the time Friday afternoon arrived, I was relatively thrilled. Noah called and asked if I wanted him to spend the weekend, which, obviously, I answered in the affirmative despite the fact that he still sounded a bit off. So he convinced Ruth to go out of town and had her call my mother to ask if she would host him. Mom said yes without hesitation—I was surprised, but gift horses and mouths. You know.
Half the family was in and half was out when Daniel and I got home from our sibling session at Horizons, and since nothing much was planned and I had nothing to do, I picked up New Theories in Genetics, which was conveniently sitting on my desk, and took it to the family room to read.
“Mara?”
Daniel’s voice. Daniel’s hand on my shoulder. I opened my eyes to find that my cheek was smushed against the sixth page.
I fell asleep. Fantastic.
I wiped my mouth in case I’d been drooling. “What time is it?”
“Not even five. Interesting choice of pillow. Title?”
I handed Daniel the book. He squinted at it. Then at me.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just seems like an unusual selection.”
“For me, you mean.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in genetics, that’s all.”
I sat up and folded my legs beneath me. “What happened to the ‘I wish Mara knew she was just as smart as me’ business?”
“Nothing. Still true. But what sparked the sudden interest?”
“Noah said something about genetic memory and it made me curious. He said he read about it in there.” I tipped my head toward the book. “But the only things I picked up in the introduction were references to Euhemerism and Jungian archetypes—”
“Euhemerus, wow. Way to trigger an eighth-grade honors English flashback.”
“Seriously—”
“You had O’Hara too, right? Did she make you guys do that project where you had to choose a myth and invent a ‘historical’ interpretation?”
“Yeah—”
“I think I ended up doing something about Aphrodite and heteronormativity—I don’t really remember much except that it was brilliant, even for me,” he said with a smile. “Why are you reading this again?”
“To achieve enlightenment about genetic memory. I have only six hundred plus pages to go.”
Daniel made a face, and scratched his nose.
“What?”
“Not to, like, discourage you or anything, but genetic memory is science fiction, not science fact.”
I shot him a weary look.
“Sorry, but it is. It can’t be peer reviewed or tested—”
“That doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”
“It means it’s unprovable.”
I thought of everything I had been through and all the things I was still going through, none of which I could prove. “Just because you can’t prove something doesn’t mean it isn’t real.” I reached for the book.
Daniel dodged out of arm’s length and flipped it open to the first page. “Maybe I’ll give it a read anyway.”
I reached for it again, flexing my fingers. “You can borrow it after me.”
“But you’re not reading it. You’re sleeping on it. I’ll put it in my room—you can get it whenever you want. Oh, and ask Mom about Jung, she’ll like that.”
“Daniel—”
“THERE IS AN ALLIGATOR IN MAX’S POOL!” Joseph shouted from the foyer. He came running into the living room, his face lit with excitement.
“How big?” Daniel asked, and shifted the giant book behind his back.
“Big,” Joseph said, eyes wide. “Really big.”
My turn. “Did you see it?”
Joseph shook his head. “He e-mailed. They’re calling that guy to come over and get it out.”
“What guy?” Daniel asked.
“Wait, that guy from Animal Planet?” I asked.
Joseph nodded furiously. “He invited me over to watch. His mom is freaking out because they have an outdoor cat and they haven’t found her yet.”
Ice slid through my veins as I remembered—
The still body of a gray cat lay inches from where I’d been standing, its flesh torn open, its fur streaked with red.
My mother appeared in the kitchen. “Max’s cat is missing too?”
Daniel arched an eyebrow. “Too?”
I had to stay calm. Had to keep up the show.
“The Delaneys just asked me if any of us have seen their cat.” Their house bordered ours in the back. “She’s been missing since Sunday.”
Since I came home.