Chapter Five
Living is hard — dying is easy. You close your eyes and never open them up again. What’s so difficult about that? Nothing really —except it hurts like hell to those you leave behind.
Weston
I should have let well enough alone. My doctor would have told me I was playing with things I should just forget about. After all, he’d say, how much time do you have? I was damn sick of hearing him say that. Ridiculous. Even my dad was tired of the doctors. Then again, I was tired of them when I was eight and was told my mom wasn’t going to make it through surgery.
And again last year, at the hospital when my brother didn’t wake up from his… situation. Some people believe our family was cursed. After all, you can’t have as much power and money that we do and not suffer the consequences. When I was little, my Sunday School teacher told me that sometimes tragedy happened in order to keep us relying on God.
How much more trusting does God need me to be? I mean, I’d lost everything, and last year almost lost my reputation and football career, all because I said no. Funny, nobody ever talks about guys being taken advantage of.
I gripped the phone in my hands. I had her number. How creepy was I? Seriously. I hacked the school system and pulled her number from it. The poor girl already thought I was stalking her, probably wouldn’t help my case if I suddenly called her up and said, “Hey.” Loser. I was an absolute loser. I’d never had trouble getting girls, in fact, I felt a bit gun shy after last year.
My entourage helped.
I only called them that because it made it sound so much cooler than it really was. A knock sounded on the door. I got up but it opened before I had a chance. David strolled in, all three hundred pounds of him, and threw my prescription on the table. “How’s it going?”
“Fantastic,” I lied, and quickly hid the piece of paper I’d written Kiersten’s number on.
“You feeling okay?” David leaned forward and pointed the flashlight in my eyes, like some sort of scientist. I slapped it away.
“Fine.” I cleared my throat and stood. For a brief moment I felt dizzy; that’s what I got for standing up too fast. “Where’s James?”
“Out.” David sighed as if he was tired of me asking a million questions. “He’ll be back to walk you to practice. You can walk, right?”
I rolled my eyes. “I can walk. It’s not like I’m drunk or anything.”
“You stood up too fast,” he said to himself, then pulled out his notepad and wrote a few things down. “Have you been feeling dizzy lately? Out of breath?”
Hmm, did meeting a new girl that took my breath away count? How about being dizzy from her perfume? What would David have to say about that?
“My dad pays you to keep me sane, not nurse me.” I scowled.
David’s eyes narrowed. “You look pale.”
“Shit.” I rubbed my face with my hands. “Can I please have one normal moment? Just one, where you aren’t scribbling on your damn notepad and we aren’t discussing my father or money or my future or—”
David held up his hand. “Got it. Sorry, Wes.”
I felt bad. But at the same time I was irritated all over again. I’d been on edge for months now, and I knew me snapping at David was just going to be another thing he documented when my father asked for his report.
He around the dorm. “Your room looks nice.”
“No small talk.” I laughed. “My room looks exactly how it’s supposed to, clean and approachable. I am an RA you know.”
“Yes, and I’m the queen,” David said dryly.
“Right.” I grabbed my keys and phone. “We’re going to a party tonight.”
“We?” His eyebrows lifted.
“Yes, we. You, James, and myself. I need to meet the rest of the students in my dorm and I can’t do that if I hole up in my room like some sick—” The words died in my throat. I bit down on my lower lip and allowed the dizziness to pass again. “I’m going to go work out.”
“Should you be—”
“It’s all I have,” I snapped again. “I’m not quitting football too, David. Write it down in your little notepad and tell that to my dad. My career is football. I’m too damn good to give it up. The only reason I stayed in college this long was to make everyone happy, but now that—” Again the words faded out. I didn’t want to finish the sentence, instead, I shook my head at David.
He seemed to understand. With a jerky nod, he followed me out of the room and into the elevator. I needed to sweat off the stress of the day, but mainly I needed to stop thinking about the girl with the pretty eyes and even prettier hair. It was long, almost to her waist, but so freaking thick that I couldn’t stop thinking about what it would feel like to thread my fingers through it.
She was the first girl I’d let touch me since Lorelei. Not that I’d actually let her touch me, more like she plowed into me. Nonetheless, I hadn’t flinched. Instead, I’d wanted more.
Clearly I’d wanted more, since I’d all but stalked her for the past few hours. Probably not the way to go about things.
The elevator doors opened with a ding. David and I walked out, and people stared, like really stared. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I wasn’t. I hated it. People always wanted something from me. Funny, because I’d give my left arm to be any one of them. I’d gladly take the place of the guy picking his nose by the front door, or even the chick with glasses and buck teeth. I’d trade spots and run in the opposite direction. Not because I hated my life — nope, it was the exact opposite. I loved life.
The doors to the dorm opened.
A few girls held up cell phones, most likely to take pictures. I sighed. Freshman.
I gave a little wave and continued walking, just as James walked up by David and took my left side.
A few more girls giggled as they crossed paths with me. One appeared to faint.
This was my life.