Ruby took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders, and walked right past us.
“I think she preferred the old me.” I laughed as Grey and I followed.
Her head poked back through the door as we were nearly to it, and she started to speak, thought better of it, and turned to continue on her way. I saw Grey’s smile out of the corner of my eye.
When we reached the kitchen, Ruby’s posture changed the instant she stepped through the door. As I entered behind her, I saw the reason why.
“Steed!” she exclaimed, bouncing forward to greet her brother.
I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I glanced nervously around the room. My eye caught Steed’s and he grinned, sly and sexy. “He wasn’t hungry.”
I forced my expression to confused, though I knew exactly who he meant. Every one of us did. Steed ignored my attempted bluff and stepped toward me. “You look well, Sunshine.”
I laughed. He’d been such a charmer when I was bound, but now his banter was only for play. There was someone else for me. My stomach turned, and I had to bite down before I asked where he was.
It had been an underhanded thing to do, I knew that. But as we stood among the remains of battle, after all was settled and my memories returned, I had panicked. I had been overwhelmed with the power I held, the emotions that threatened to run feral, the realization of all that had happened and what would follow. And I’d been chicken. Plain and simple.
I’d been aware of his eyes on me the entire time, and, as we finalized affairs, I ordered him and Steed away. Ordered. I could still see the look on his face, the set of his jaw, the strain of muscle at his neck and shoulder. I’d directed them to finish off Asher’s guard, his supporters. To find and eliminate them. Make a show of it, I’d said. The kingdom will know I’ve returned.
It was the last thing I’d said to him. I had been certain, at the time, I would figure out what to do, how to deal with it, get a handle on my emotions. That had been nearly two weeks ago. My palms felt swollen and clammy but I couldn’t decide whether the anxiousness was because I wanted, needed to see him, or because I was coward still.
“No,” Ruby said, “I didn’t like the old you better.”
My gaze snapped to her, genuinely confused this time.
“You were fun, yes,” she explained, “but you got that vacant stare.” She narrowed her eyes on me. “And I could never tell where you were.” Ruby smiled, making it clear she knew exactly where my mind was now.
I brushed past her to where Grey and Steed leaned against the table. They’d apparently been watching my daze as well. Grey offered me something to eat but I had absolutely no interest.
I needed to get out of there, badly.
“I’m glad you’re back,” I said as I turned to Steed.
He looked doubtful, but he gave me a smile anyway. “I am, too. Can’t wait to see what you’ve done with the place.”
I nodded absently and excused myself.
When I’d hit the hall, I’d had to force myself to remain standing, not to bend over, brace myself on my knees, and hyperventilate. I had myself fully under control now, the fear firmly back in check. I was ashamed of it, and I’d been determined to overcome it. I’d just not been able to do that yet. And the realization scared me even worse.
It felt out of control, the wave of need that accompanied any thought of him. And I had a lot of thoughts about him. A lot. Most of them centered around the one night I’d spent in his arms. But that wasn’t what scared me, that had been incredible. What scared me was what that night stood for, what I had, or had nearly, sacrificed for it. I had, no, we all had, gone through so much to restore myself from the bonds forced upon me by council, only to fall into a new set, just as dangerous.
The problem was, I couldn’t decide whether these bonds had taken. I felt the need, yes. I felt the yearning, the pull. I knew the connection was in place, but I couldn’t know if it was a full bond. It didn’t feel secure enough, not as I’d been taught, warned it would happen. I couldn’t be sure whether that was due to the fact that I’d been bound already, my magic not fully in place, or because I was not wholly elf. Because I was half human. There was no way to know how that type of bond would affect me. But when his eyes were on me, I knew I would run right back into his arms. If the bond wasn’t set already, it would be, the instant I got close enough to touch him.
It was why I’d sent him away, though I could never admit it. There was too much at stake.
I reached out and traced the cool stone of the wall as I walked. It had long been a habit of mine, reminding me of my childhood years, running carefree through these corridors, arms outstretched as if in flight. My laughter had echoed through the halls, whether alone or being chased by Chevelle. The touch centered me now. My fingers trailed lazily around the corner as I walked through the door to my room.
And froze as I found Chevelle.
Chapter Two
Chevelle