“No.”
It came out with more desperation than I’d intended but it caused them to hesitate. Chevelle looked at my face, examining it. I stared into his eyes, a wordless plea. I couldn’t look back to her.
The seconds dragged on, agonizing. His face was hard as he finally turned from me, calling it off. I wasn’t sure why. But I couldn’t help but imagine it was because… because she was like me. I felt my cheeks flush and I looked down, away from their sight. And then I slipped off the edge.
When finally I came to, I was sure it had all been a dream. I almost laughed at the absurdity as I tried to sit up, holding my throbbing head. I felt Ruby’s hand steady me and she purred something soothing as she handed me a drink of water. It helped. I opened my eyes and she was right there, trying to hide the concern in her face. And something else. What was wrong with her? I realized Chevelle was beside me as well, and though he was angled oddly away from me, he turned to look at me when he’d noticed I was awake. It irritated me that this fainting thing was becoming somewhat commonplace but I was still confused about their postures. And Ruby was unusually quiet; she looked like she might have been biting her tongue. I hoped I wasn’t about to get dusted for some reason that I couldn’t see.
I started to scan my surroundings for said reason but Chevelle was blocking my view of the others, who seemed to be gathered several yards away around something. I leaned, straining to see past him and he put a hand on my arm to steady me.
“Easy, Frey. You should rest more, don’t get too excited.”
What?
“Just lie here for a while.”
And then it struck me. He wasn’t trying to steady me, he was trying to restrain me.
My glare hit him and he reluctantly released my arm and straightened up, still prepared to block me but allowing me to see.
At first, I was just numb. And then, though I had no idea how much time had passed, I realized my jaw was hanging open. Once I was able to regain control of the muscles to close it, they went into overdrive, clenching so tight I wondered in the back of my mind if my teeth might shatter. I felt the blood in my cheeks and I wasn’t getting enough air from the harsh breaths I was forcing through my nose. But I knew not to release my jaw. I knew because, from much experience, I would regret what I was about to say. So, instead, I just kept staring.
I watched the others as they talked with her, slowly noticing I was awake and turning to see my reaction. I was surprised by the fact that she was speaking with them, and they with her. Like she was, well, I didn’t know, maybe like she was one of us. They seemed genuinely interested in her. Especially Steed.
And then I felt the flush of my cheeks brighten. Yes, he was particularly interested in her. He sat close, leaning in as he often had in our private conversations.
Ruby’s face was unexpectedly in front of mine, her eyes wide, and I realized I was growling. An errant thought told me I should be attempting some kind of control but I couldn’t care less. An actual human was sitting there. It was just too much. Somehow, I still must have believed they didn’t exist, though I’d read from my own mother’s diary that I was… half. Part of me must have known she had lost her grip on reality. The things she’d said, surely she wasn’t completely sane. But here I was staring directly at what was, though I’d never actually seen one, undoubtedly a human.
And she was talking to my friends, my family. A vicious fire lit in my palms and Ruby clasped her hands around my wrists, trying for control. I knew she couldn’t be burned because she was half fire fairy, a hard lesson I had learned during training, but I’m not sure it would have mattered. I had been, for months now, teetering on a ledge. I couldn’t even say where that ledge was now.
I was standing before I’d realized it. And then, a brief flash of memory, too quick to act on, told me the mumbling chant coming from Chevelle was a problem.
Blackness.
I couldn’t say how long I’d been immobilized. But when I did finally regain control, I didn’t want to move. My head throbbed and my ears rang. I’d been down before, Chevelle wasn’t causing the pain. That was me, fighting my own brain.
But how could I not?
I knew Ruby was waiting beside me, anxious for me to respond. But I didn’t. I couldn’t manage any kind of composure.
Eventually, the ringing in my ears lessened enough that I could hear the sound of the girl’s voice, which brought on another round of ringing.
A human. I could not, would not, allow myself to be compared to that. It burned right through me.
No one asked me to move, no one mentioned we should be getting on our way. No one did anything but entertain themselves with the stupid, idiotic human.
And time passed.