“He’s in there,” someone said as I turned to leave. “You should go talk to him.”
Knowing who it was, I took a deep breath as I looked up. Cole had paused in the middle of the hallway, his face arranged in a tight mask. The bruise around his eye had just started fading to yellow-green.
It was the first sentence had Cole spoken to me since Alex punched him, and in reaction, a flare of resentment danced inside my chest. In truth, I was more ashamed of myself than angry. I couldn’t help but notice the way Cole’s shirt clung snuggly around his biceps, and how, in this moment, his eyes looked bluer than I had ever seen them.
After everything he’d done, how he’d purposely hurt me, I still felt that same flutter inside my chest, the one I’d been trying to figure out since I first arrived in Colorado. It was some type of invisible force, as if he were the sun and I was a tiny planet being reined in by his all-consuming gravity. What had Heather called it? The Cole effect.
“Oh—right,” I said back, as if I hadn’t known. It was all I could manage because suddenly I felt like crying. This feeling was so unfair, unwanted.
Nathan’s song stopped, and I knew he could hear us. Cole’s loud voice had given me away. However, in that moment, my anxiety about seeing Nathan evaporated. I pulled open the door without knocking and slipped inside. Anything to get away from Cole and the way he was making me feel. Hands wrapped around the doorknob, I leaned back against the wood and took slow, calming breaths.
“Jackie?” I heard Nathan ask.
My eyes snapped open. He was sitting up in bed, a concerned look splashed across his face. And then, as I stared back at him, I realized that it had been completely stupid of me to be nervous.
“Hey, Nate,” I responded, and the feeling of relief cooled my flushed skin.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyebrows wrinkling together.
After another lungful of air to calm myself—in through the mouth and out the nose—I responded. “I should be asking you the same thing.” Pushing away from the door, I straightened out my skirt before moving toward his bed. As I sat down, I noticed the square bandage on his forehead from where he hit his head and the dark circles beneath his eyes. “Oh, Nathan,” I said, brushing aside his bangs so I could see the injury better.
“I’m fine,” he said, pushing my hand away. I got the message loud and clear—he didn’t want to talk about what had happened to him.
“You scared everyone pretty badly,” I said anyway. He needed to know that even though I didn’t visit him at the hospital, I was still worried, so I added, “Especially me.”
He was quiet at this, his lips forced together into a line.
“Nathan?” I asked. My voice cracked, revealing the sudden return of my nerves. Maybe he was mad at me.
Finally he looked up. “Did I do something to make you mad?” he asked, a complete mirror of my own thoughts.
“What?” I said, shifting on the bed so I could get a better look at him. “No. Why would you think that?”
“Because I haven’t seen you since…” He paused. “Well, since it happened.”
I reached out again, this time putting my hand on his arm. “God, I’m so sorry, Nathan. It’s just—I couldn’t—” I stopped there, not knowing how to explain. I gave myself a second before slowly saying, “When the ambulance came, I felt like it was happening all over again. You know, losing someone I cared about. I panicked.”
“Yeah, Cole told me you went to Will’s apartment.”
My head shot up. “He mentioned me?”
Nathan nodded. “We had a conversation today,” he said, setting his guitar down so he could move closer to me. “It was strange,” he said, and seeing my puzzled look, he went on. “Not having a conversation, although that was unusual. It was like—I don’t know, he seemed disappointed about something. Confused, even.”
“Confused? About what?”
“I’m not sure exactly. He was careful with his words. Wouldn’t say too much of anything—and that reminds me. Do you know what happened to his eye? I couldn’t even get that out of him.”
“That’s no mystery,” I said, my cheeks going pink. “Alex punched him.”
Nathan’s eyebrows shot up on his forehead. “He what?”
“Trust me,” I said, shaking my head at the memory. “Cole deserved it.”
Nathan’s laugh was one of being completely impressed. “Oh, I don’t doubt, but man… I suppose that’s a contributor to why he’s so upset.”
“If by upset, you mean angry? Most definitely.”
“I don’t know,” Nathan said, tapping his finger to his chin. “I wouldn’t call it angry. It was more like he was sad.”
“Sad,” I echoed, trying to grasp the idea. What would Cole have to be sad about?
***