How could I possibly have forgotten feelings that were so painful that they felt like a permanent scar? Although spending time with Cole gave me this new, thrilling feeling I couldn’t quite explain, I never wanted to forget again. My family was the force that drove me forward. I needed to refocus my attention on grades and my Princeton application.
The ride to school was awful. Every bump the truck hit was a hammer to my temple, but it wasn’t just the pain that was bothering me. Most of the guys weren’t angry that Cole stranded them yesterday after school, as they evidently were used to it. Isaac was bummed that Cole didn’t invite him along, but when I told him how long we were grounded for, he changed his mind. Alex, however, was avoiding me. He didn’t say a word to me during the drive, and when we got to school, he rushed inside without waiting for me. I knew he was mad, but he would have to face me in anatomy.
When I walked into class, Alex was sitting in our usual spot, his face blank as he stared straight ahead. I took a deep breath before crossing the room, and when I sat down, he didn’t move or acknowledge my presence. Up close I noticed that his skin was pale and glistening—maybe he was nervous about getting our test back?
“So,” I said after an awkward silence. “How long are you going to ignore me?”
His lips pursed, but he didn’t say anything.
“Okay, fine,” I said, scooping my stuff up into my arms. “If you’re going to be like that, I’ll sit somewhere else.”
“I can’t believe you skipped school with him,” he said.
“It wasn’t like I planned on it, Alex. It just happened.”
“That’s kind of hard to believe coming from Ms. I Need a Schedule for Every Second of My Life.”
Okay, I was so done with this damn sibling rivalry war or whatever it was. “Alex, I know you have issues with Cole, but don’t take it out on me. You can’t expect me to never talk to him, and he was only trying to cheer me up.”
“There’s a difference between talking to him and getting drunk with him!”
“You know what, Alex?” I snapped, sick of how unfair he was being. “Maybe if your damn ex wasn’t such a bitch, I wouldn’t have ended up in that situation to begin with.” The words tumbled of my mouth out before I realized I didn’t want him to know about my confrontation with Mary.
“What?”
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“No, I want to know what she said to you.”
“Well, I don’t want to talk about it, so just forget it.”
Alex looked like he was going to argue, but then Mr. Piper appeared at the front of the room.
“Who’s ready to see their grades?” he called cheerfully. Everyone groaned.
For the next fifty minutes, I barely listened to the lecture. It wasn’t that I didn’t try to, but I could practically feel the anger pulsing off Alex in waves, and it made me so tense that I couldn’t think. When the bell rang, he shot out of his chair, not waiting for me to pack up my bag. The rest of my morning went just as terribly, and by lunchtime, I was desperate for the break.
“How you feeling?” Cole asked me as we walked out of math.
“Like shit,” I grumbled, adjusting the strap on my bag so it wouldn’t slide off my shoulder. “I’m never letting you talk me into doing something so stupid again.”
“How about I buy you lunch to make up for it?”
I sighed. “Look, Cole, that’s really nice of you. It’s just…”
“Just what?”
“Alex and I are really starting to get along. He hangs out with Kim and likes the rest of my group of friends, and it just kind of makes sense, you know?”
I don’t know exactly when I made up my mind to distance myself from Cole, but I think it had something to do with my fight with Alex. When I was with him, everything was so different. He didn’t make me feel like that strange, adventurous girl that emerged through my cracks when I was near Cole. With Alex, I felt comfortable, not anxious. Calm, not restless.
“So what exactly are you saying?”
“It’s no big secret that you guys have issues. I just think that we should, I don’t know…chill out?” It was half true, but I wasn’t going to tell Cole the real reason that we needed to keep our distance. The part about how being with him was so exciting that it scared me.
“Chill out?” he repeated as if he couldn’t quite hear me.
“Yes, does that make sense?”
“Oh. Um—yeah, sure.”
“Cool, so I’ll see you later, I guess.”
“Yeah, later.”
***