Chapter Fifty-One
WHEN THE COUNCIL MEETING is dismissed, Sybella and I are granted permission by the duchess to excuse ourselves from her service long enough to attend to Ismae as she refreshes herself from her travel. Upon reaching our chambers, we find that a tub has already been set up, and the water is still steaming. I help Ismae undress while Sybella pours three goblets of wine. She waits until Ismae has stepped into the tub, then hands me one. Over the rim of her goblet, she looks at me with her probing gaze. “How do you come to know so very much about Arduinna’s arrows?”
I quickly down half the wine. “I have learned some things. About the abbess and the convent. And myself.”
Sybella and Ismae exchange a glance, then Ismae motions for Sybella to hand her the soap. “Do go on,” Sybella says. “We are listening.”
How do I begin? What part of this tale will lead the most cleanly into the full story? “I found out why the abbess has refused to send me out on assignments and why I have been picked as seeress.”
Unable to meet their curious faces, I look down at the goblet I hold in my hand and rub my fingers over the finely chased silver etchings. The faint splashing of the water in the tub grows silent. Afraid my courage will fail me, I say the words in a rush. “It is because I am not sired by Mortain.”
“Sweet Jésu,” Sybella mutters.
“There is more,” I warn them, then take a deep breath. “The abbess is my mother.” I do not stop there, but keep going, much like one takes bitter medicine quickly so that it may be over with as soon as possible. “Crunard, my father. He had been blackmailing her with exposure in order to bend the convent’s will to his own wishes.”
There is a faint splash as Ismae rises from the tub and grabs a towel. “Oh, Annith!” she whispers.
“And even that is not all,” I say ruefully. “The abbess had been poisoning Sister Vereda to make her too sick to See what was afoot. Seven years ago”—my voice falters—“seven years ago, she poisoned three nuns, including the old seeress and the former abbess, in order to stage a silent rebellion.”
“She is even more ambitious than I gave her credit for.” There is a note of begrudging admiration in Sybella’s voice.
I shake my head, feeling sick all over again. “It was not ambition. It was protection. She was trying to protect me.” I look over at Ismae. “Do you remember I told you about the former abbess making my life more difficult than that of most of the other novitiates?”
“I remember you wouldn’t say much about it.”
But now, now the words come pouring out of me, like ill humors from a festering wound that has been lanced. “They called her the Dragonette. She was beautiful in the way that a venomous spider is beautiful. She caught your eye with her sharp edges and distinct markings.” I glance up at Ismae. “Do you remember the test the reverend mother gave you the first day you arrived at the convent?”
Dressed in her shift now, Ismae slowly lowers herself onto the bed. “With the poisoned wine. Of course, I could never forget.”
Sybella sets down her goblet quickly. “What poisoned wine?”
“It was a way for her to test whether I was immune to poison or not,” Ismae explains.
“I was given that test when I was but four years old,” I say.
Ismae nearly comes up off the bed in her indignation. “Four?”
I nod. “I learned later that the test is never administered without some indication that the novitiate might be immune to poison. I had never demonstrated any such potential, but it did not matter. The Dragonette was determined to find all my hidden strengths and talents, then mold them to perfection in order to glorify both Mortain and herself.”
“Sweet Jésu,” Sybella mutters again.
I try to smile, but my lips will not obey. “Precisely. The first ten years of my life were one long test, a never-ending trial during which I had to be ever sharp and ever vigilant.
“That’s when I first began listening at doors—in the hopes that I could catch some hint or warning of what I was to be subjected to, and thus prepare myself. It is also, I suspect, why I became so very good at reading people, then doing what they wanted before they even asked. I had so few tools for survival. I had to use everything at my disposal.” The abbess’s words—obedient and biddable—still sting. “They are not traits I am proud of, but they did allow me to survive.
“Sister Etienne—for that was what she was called before she became the abbess—was the one bright spot in my life. She was my champion when I was young. Always saving me a bit of bread when I had been forced to go without supper. Letting me out of the wine cellar earlier than my punishments called for. Only now, with the knowledge that she was—is—my mother, can I understand how she must have suffered along with me.”
“No.” Sybella shoves to her feet and begins pacing the room. Her face is so fierce and holds such rage that I fear she would strike the abbess dead if she were in the room with us. “She did not suffer like you did—not even close, for there was nothing preventing her from taking you and fleeing in the middle of the night, which is what she should have done.”
“Perhaps she was afraid they would come after us? We have all heard stories of how they send the hellequin to punish disobedient novitiates. Mayhap she simply thought those tales were true.”
“So what brought this all to a boil?” Ismae’s voice is gentle, a calming counterweight to Sybella’s anger.
“It was a new punishment the Dragonette devised.” I do not tell them I was punished because she caught me one day leaving small offerings for Mortain at the doorway to his realm or that she heard me chatting with him in spite of my continued promises to her that I no longer believed I had really seen him.
“It was a cilice, a small silver chain into which sharp thorns had been affixed, meant to be worn around the skin at my waist.” I still remember the shame I felt as she lifted the skirt of my gown, exposing my lower body, and slipped the chain around my waist. Remember the bite of pain of each thorn as it pierced my flesh.
Ismae’s hand flies up to her lips. My own hand drifts to my stomach, and the scars that still encircle it. “It festered and grew foul, so that I was sent to the infirmary. Sister Serafina was the one who tended to me, her hands gentle and her manner calm. But I think she must have told Sister Etienne, for she found out, and soon after that, she and I had one of our special outings. We were to have a picnic and collect wildflowers. While we were out, we also gathered some mushrooms for the convent stew pot.
“Only, they were poisonous. She had told me they were safe, which is the only reason I picked them. But they were poisonous, and she let me pick them, and somehow she got them past the cook and slipped them into the pot. Three nuns died that evening, then Sister Magdelena, the old poisons mistress, killed herself, thinking it was she who had made the error.
“She used me to poison them.” Even now, the enormity of that betrayal forces all the air from my lungs and I feel as if I will never be able to draw a full breath again.
Suddenly, Ismae is at my side, taking my hands in hers, chafing them. Sybella’s arm snakes around my shoulders and she pulls me close to her. “No,” she whispers fiercely. “Don’t you dare think you had anything to do with that. It was not you, not even a little bit, it was all her.”
I close my eyes and bask in the solace they offer. “I know it with my mind, but my heart—my heart is still bruised and sick with it.”
Sybella gives my shoulders once last squeeze—so hard it is almost painful—then begins pacing again. “I shall kill her,” she says at last. “Clearly, she does not deserve to live. Clearly, she is not serving Mortain or even the convent—”
“But is she marqued?” Ismae asks quietly. “For unless a marque has appeared in the last hour, or exists under her gown, I have not seen it.”
Sybella’s face grows white with frustration, then she tosses her head. “It doesn’t matter. I shall kill her anyway.” And though she does not mean it—at least, I do not think she does—her saying it brings me great comfort. I take a deep breath and let myself feel the absence of the weight of all the secrets I have been carrying.
Well, not all the secrets. “There is more,” I offer shyly.
Sybella gapes at me, looking so comical that I must tamp down a desire to laugh. “More?” she says.
“I also have a lover.”
Sybella stares at me a long moment, then whoops out a laugh while Ismae has a turn at gaping at me. “I thought so, but then you said nothing, so I was uncertain.”
A smile catches at my lips. “I knew that if anyone could guess, it would be you.”
“But when have you had time to take a lover?” Ismae asks. “And where?” She looks around the room we have shared as if searching for signs of our stolen moments.
“You have not asked me who,” I point out.
“I’m not sure we can bear to learn of it,” Ismae says faintly.
“He is a hellequin.” They both stare at me, struck beyond speech. “Or so I thought. Until I learned that he was only masquerading as one. It is actually Death Himself whom I have taken to my bed.”