Solana?
I have a feeling I don’t want to know the answer to this question, but I have to ask it anyway. “Who the hell is Solana?”
“Our former king’s heir—all that’s left of the royal line after Raiden destroyed it. She’ll be crowned queen when Raiden falls.”
“And what’s she got to do with me?”
I can tell she doesn’t want to answer just as much as I don’t want to hear it. But we’ve come too far now. So she closes her eyes and whispers. “You two are betrothed.”
The word hangs over us, practically casting a shadow.
I’m betrothed.
To some spoiled princess I’ve never met.
Too. Many. Emotions bubble inside.
Anger. Annoyance. Confusion. Frustration. Fear. Rebellion. Rage.
But one feels stronger than the others, and it takes me a second to identify it.
Hurt.
Takes me another second to figure out why. “And . . . you’re okay with that?”
She looks away. Refuses to meet my eyes. But she nods.
I know I probably should leave it at that, but I can’t stop myself. “What about us?”
She doesn’t say anything, and that spurs my courage. I move toward her, trapping her against the wall. “There’s something between us, Audra.” I grab her hand, letting the familiar sparks shoot through my skin. “Don’t tell me you don’t feel that.”
I’m not sure if I’m fueled by fear or want or just sheer desperation. But it’s cards-on-the-table time. I’ve dreamed of her for too long—wanted her for too long—to let her shove me away because her stupid army thinks they can arrange my life.
I know she feels something for me.
I know it.
“Stop thinking about what your army wants. They’re not here right now. It’s just you and me. And you want me,” I whisper. “I have to believe that. Because I want you, too.”
It’s hard to push the last words out. But it feels good to say them.
I reach up, trying to slide my fingers into her hair, but her braid’s too tightly woven. I settle for stroking her face.
She doesn’t pull away, but she shakes her head. “I swore an oath, Vane.”
“Screw the oath.” I lean in until I feel her breath against my face, then stop. I don’t want to rush her. “You’ve done enough for them. You’re protecting me. Who cares about the rest?”
“I do.” She closes her eyes, and her jaw quivers. “I swore to get you safely through this—and I will. And then you’ll return with the Gales and meet your betrothed.”
“They can take their betrothal and shove it. I want you.”
I lean in more, until there’s barely an inch separating us. I don’t know if she’s right about the bonding thing, but I actually wouldn’t mind bonding myself to her. In some ways, I feel like I already have.
She sucks in a shaky breath and I know. She wants this.
“No,” she shouts, shoving so hard I stumble halfway across the room. “My loyalty is to the Gales.”
She draws the windslicer, pointing it at my heart. “I mean it, Vane. I can’t do this. I won’t do this.”
“So, what, you’re going to stab me?”
She presses the point of the blade into my chest. Not enough to break the skin, but enough to sting.
“Don’t make me hurt you,” she begs.
“You already are.”
Her eyes turn glassy. But something about her posture—the strong set of her shoulders, the rigid line of her spine—tells me she won’t back down.
She’ll kick me aside. Pawn me off on some girl I’ve never met. All to please her stupid, useless army.
Her grip on the sword doesn’t waver. Her eyes look through me, not at me.
I’ve already lost her.
So I do the only thing I can do.
I run.
CHAPTER 32
AUDRA
I can’t breathe.
I feel like someone’s pressing on my chest, crushing the life and air out of me as I watch Vane race away. All warmth fades from my body, leaving me shivering under the hot desert sun.
I’ve made a lot of sacrifices in my life, but none hurt as much as what I’ve just done.
As soon as Vane’s out of sight, I collapse to the floor and curl into a ball.
Vane’s right. I do care. More than I ever can or will admit.
But the realization makes everything inside me squirm with revulsion.
Who am I to care for Vane Weston?
When he learns what I’ve done, he’ll loathe me as much as I loathe myself.
I cling to that harsh fact like a lifeline, pulling myself back into the hard, emotionless walls I’ve maintained for the last ten years.
Vane would never want me if he knew I’m the reason his parents are dead. I’m a selfish, callous creature who ruined everything because I chose to save Gavin’s life—a bird Vane hates. Then I lied to him about his memories being permanently lost, because I can’t bear the thought of him knowing I’m to blame.