“Amy, where the hell have you been?”
“I was out with Pam to take sewing to Cellblock C, but right when we got there, I thought I saw this guy. . . . He looked exactly like your sketch,” I tell him, still irritated that I let Ken get away. “I followed him to the back wall, but I wasn’t allowed in. I waited for him, but he didn’t come out again. Maybe I should go back and wait some more. Maybe Ken lives there.”
“No one lives back there,” Jacks tells me sharply. “Not by choice, and not for long, anyway. It’s full of people infected with Pox who are about to die. They keep them there until the bodies can be removed.”
I look at his dark, scowling face. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you angry?”
“Amy, I have every right to be pissed. I didn’t know where you were. I’ve been waiting for hours. You shouldn’t wander off by yourself,” he scolds.
“I’m not a child.” My voice is just as sharp as his is. “Contrary to what you’ve been telling everyone, you don’t actually own me. You’ve done a lot for me, but I’m not yours. Maybe you should remember that.”
His face softens slightly. “You’re right. I was just worried. I thought . . .” He looks at the floor. “I thought something had happened. Or maybe . . .” His voice trails off. “Or that maybe you decided to leave Fort Black. I thought you . . . just left me.”
In the silence that follows I wonder what it took for Jacks to admit that I’d hurt him. Already his face has begun to harden again.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him before it sets in stone again. “I promise, I won’t leave Fort Black without telling you.”
There’s another long silence, but this time I hold his gaze, neither of us daring to look away. “Jacks, your uncle came to see me today. He kind of threatened me I think.”
“Threatened you how?” he asks.
“He just . . . got really close to me.” As I say it, it sounds ridiculous, but it’s hard to explain how it made me feel. Helpless. “He told me that a girl can die really easily here and to watch my step.”
Jacks nods. “I’m sorry if he scared you, but that’s how he is. He tries to intimidate everyone. It’s my fault. I was stupid and asked him about Ken. He told me he didn’t know who that was. . . . But, Amy, he must know something, or he wouldn’t have come to talk to you. He doesn’t like that I’m helping you.”
Almost in a whisper, I ask, “Why are you helping me?” My heart beats faster as I utter the question. I’m not sure how I want him to respond.
“At first I thought you needed protecting, a messed-up girl on her own. You remind me a lot of my sister. Although Layla wasn’t half as aggressive as you are,” he says, shaking his head. “I wasn’t able to keep her safe, so I thought maybe I could help you.”
“And now?”
He shifts from one foot to the other, looking almost nervous. “You’re just . . . not like a lot of people here, Amy. You stood up to Tank. You question things. You’re not a sheep. You’re fearless.” He breaks my gaze. “And I’m scared all the time,” Jacks admits quietly. “Those Floraes—they scare me shitless. I don’t think I can ever leave the prison, not with them out there. But you . . . You were outside these walls for years. I can’t even imagine leaving for a few seconds. That’s all it takes for the creatures to kill you, you know, a few seconds. But it doesn’t even bother you. I was wrong before, on the wall after the trial. You’re not afraid of anything.”
“No, you’re wrong now,” I say. “I wish I were fearless. But I’m scared of so many things.” Of facing Dr. Reynolds, of never seeing Baby. I’m frightened of the ways that Kay and Gareth are being punished for my escape. I’m afraid that I’ll never find a place to belong. That I’ll be stuck wandering the After for the rest of my life.
“Just try to make it work here, Amy,” Jacks says. “If you shoot half as good as you fight, you could be a guard.”
“And work with Tank?” I ask with a tight laugh to hide my terror.
“Or you could be a Scrapper,” he tells me quickly. “You’re fine with going outside the walls. You’d just have to bring back things people want to trade for. . . . Or you could help Pam with her sewing. You could make a life here.”
“I can’t do that. Not while my sister’s in trouble.”
“So bring her to Fort Black.”
I recoil at the thought of bringing Baby here. The truth is, I haven’t thought about my plan after I break her out. I guess I could find a place nearby. We would live safe from the Floraes, protected by the sonic emitter. We could visit Fort Black; I could visit Jacks.
It worries me a little to realize I don’t want to leave him.
“It’s not as easy as you make it sound,” I say at last.