And then I saw it. He flicked a glance at Ruby and I knew. They knew. And it was all true.
Suddenly, I couldn’t catch my breath.
“Please, Freya, stay calm,” Ruby pleaded. They were all circling me, their arms outstretched as if to catch me… or cage me.
Black spots were floating in my vision. My head screamed. The sound of metal bands snapping echoed through a scraping, screeching, horrible noise inside my head. I reached up and pressed the base of my palms against my temples. I didn’t know I was going down until my knees hit the hard rock. I held myself there, refusing to give in.
I heard them arguing frantically. “Knock her out… do something… she’s going to crack.”
Yes, crack. That was a good word for it. I felt as if I were breaking in half. No, being torn. I sensed someone close to me, Ruby no doubt. She would drug me again. I didn’t want that. I slid from the pain, reaching out. I found nothing but the horses, but I would take it. I left my body completely.
My entry was so furious it startled the horse. I held him there but when he raised his head from grazing, he was facing them. They were standing, kneeling, surrounding my limp body. I watched them, the horror on their faces, for an immeasurable moment. It was too much. It was all too much.
I took a mental sigh and then melted back into my mind. It was quiet there and I wondered if I had cracked. But then it occurred to me that maybe I had been the cause of it. I was resigned now, the fury gone, and so was the screeching, the pain. They had said the binding was dangerous…
There was a collective gasp as they realized I was back. I heard someone beside me and a flash of anger swept through me, lighting a flame at whoever it was. Okay, maybe the fury wasn’t completely gone. I suddenly remembered the pages I had burnt in the briar patch, so long ago. Burnt before I’d read them. My eyes flashed open. I sat up, ignoring my spinning head, but the book was already gone. I glared at Chevelle. It must have been dreadful, he nodded and backed away, his mouth tight.
“Oh, Frey.” Ruby’s voice was low and soothing.
I grimaced as I turned to her. “Go ahead.” I closed my eyes as her jaw shifted.
Chapter Sixteen
Lessons
The dreams I had then were the most dreadful, garish, repelling I’d ever had. I jolted awake and shuddered for several minutes at the images I could not beat down.
Ruby was there, waiting for me.
“Where are the others?” I asked, hoarse.
“They’ve set up a perimeter.”
It was all I had to say for the moment. It was dark; I must not have slept through the night. I sat up, curling my legs against my chest, and wrapped my arms around them, pulling tightly.
Though I didn’t speak, I occasionally glanced, or glared, at Ruby. She sat, immobile, watching me faithfully.
It was morning before she broke. “You have your fire back.”
It hadn’t occurred to me. I held my hand out and flicked a flame above my palm, then promptly extinguished it. I tried moving a stone from the ground to no avail. Just fire. I sighed.
But Ruby looked hopeful.
The group approached warily, keeping their eyes on me. Chevelle hung farther back, avoiding my gaze. Steed led my horse to me. I didn’t think I blamed him, he seemed to be involved by chance, but I hadn’t fully decided yet.
As we rode wordlessly, my thoughts twisted and writhed as if a pit of vipers. In the end, I’d decided I wasn’t really that shocked about being a defect. It explained so much about myself, almost an excuse. Clumsiness, lack of skill, never quite fitting in. Wasn’t I always aware of that? What took me by surprise was the betrayal I felt. All the years I’d lived in the village, I’d never really counted on anyone the way I had unwittingly done with this group, Chevelle especially. The feeling in my chest was so thick and heavy. And it practically burned.
Struggling with my reactions kept me distracted from the ride. It was steep now, rocky, and the haze was thick. When we stopped for the evening, the men quietly set up a perimeter. Except for Chevelle. He was watching me as I glared back at him. The betrayal stung, it was almost irrational how bad. My face must have been filled with hate.
Ruby stepped in front of him. “I’ll stay with her.”
He didn’t reply, he merely turned and walked into the haze.
I was still fuming when she faced me, wearing a self-satisfied smile. She practically danced forward to plop down in front of me. “I have something for you, Frey.” I simply stared at her. She was harder to stay mad at. I expected her to be a pain, it wasn’t as difficult to accept she’d kept it from me.
She extracted a small package from beneath her cloak and passed it to me. I pulled the material aside and saw the V etched into the cover. Ah, Ruby… mischievous as always. I wondered what Chevelle would do if he knew she’d given it to me.