“Turkey or ham?” he asked.
“Why are you always feeding me?”
“Well, I work in food service and my major is basically grazing.…”
“Turkey,” she said, feeling grateful, but still not feeling like she could look Levi in the eye. (She knew what that was like. His eyes were warm and baby blue. They made you feel like he liked you better than other people.) She took a coffee cup. “How did you get back there?”
“I just asked about coffee,” he said.
Cath unwrapped the sandwich and started tearing off bite-sized pieces. She pinched them flat before pushing them into her mouth. Her mom used to tell her not to mutilate her food. Her dad never said anything; his table manners were much worse.
“You can, you know,” Levi said, unwrapping his sandwich.
“Can what?”
“Call me the next time somebody goes crazy or gets arrested … I was glad you called me tonight. I thought you were mad at me.”
Cath smashed another chunk of sandwich. Mustard oozed out the sides. “Are you the guy who everybody calls when they need help?”
“Am I Superman?” She could hear him smiling.
“You know what I mean. Are you the guy all your friends call when they need help? Because they know you’ll say yes?”
“I don’t know…,” he said. “I’m the guy everybody calls when they need help moving. I think it’s the truck.”
“When I called you tonight,” she said to her shoes, “I knew that you’d give me a ride. If you could.”
“Good,” he said. “You were right.”
“I think I might be exploiting you.”
He laughed. “You can’t exploit me against my will.…”
Cath took a sip of the coffee. It tasted nothing like a gingerbread latte.
“Are you worried about your dad?” Levi asked.
“Yeah,” she said. “And no. I mean”—she glanced over at him quickly—“this isn’t the first time. This just happens.… Usually it doesn’t get this bad. Usually we’re there for him.”
Levi held his sandwich by one corner and took a bite from the other. “Are you too worried about your dad to talk about why you’re mad at me?” His mouth was full.
“It’s not important,” she muttered.
“It is to me.” He swallowed. “You leave the room every time I walk in.” Cath didn’t say anything, so he kept talking.… “Is it because of what happened?”
She didn’t know how to answer that question. She didn’t want to. She looked up at the wall across from her, up where there’d be a TV if this place wasn’t such a prison.
She felt Levi lean toward her. “Because I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”
Cath pinched the top of her nose, wishing she knew where her tear ducts were, so she could hold them closed. “You’re sorry?”
“I’m sorry I upset you,” he said. “I think maybe I was reading you wrong, and I’m sorry about that.”
Her brain tried to come up with something mean to say about Levi and reading. “You didn’t read me wrong,” she said, shaking her head. Just for a second, she felt more angry than pathetic. “I went to your party.”
“What party?”
She turned her head to face him—even though she’d started to cry, and her glasses were fogging up, and she hadn’t officially brushed her hair since yesterday morning. “The party,” she said. “At your house. That Thursday night. I came with Reagan.”
“Why didn’t I see you?”
“You were in the kitchen … preoccupied.”
Levi’s smile faded, and he sat back slowly. Cath set her sandwich down on the chair next to her and clenched her hands in her lap.
“Oh, Cath…,” Levi said. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. You both seemed pretty happy about it.”
“You didn’t say you were coming.”
She looked over. “So if you’d known I was coming, you wouldn’t have been making out with somebody else in the kitchen?”
For once Levi didn’t have anything to say. He set his sandwich down, too, and pushed both hands through his wispy blond hair. His hair was made of finer stuff than Cath’s. Silk. Down. Blown-out dandelion seeds.
“Cath…,” he said. “I’m so sorry.”
She wasn’t quite sure what he was apologizing for. He looked up at her, from the top of his eyes, looking genuinely sorry—and sorry for her. “It was just a kiss,” he said, pleating his forehead.
“Which one?” she asked.
Levi pushed his hands to the back of his head, and his bangs fell loose. “Both of them.”
Cath took a deep, shaky breath and let it break out through her nose. “Right,” she said. “That is, um … good information to have.”
“I didn’t think—”
“Levi.” She cut him off and looked him straight in the eye, trying to look stern despite her tears. “I can’t thank you enough for bringing me here. But I couldn’t mean this more: I’d like it if you left now. I don’t just kiss people. Kisses aren’t … just with me. That’s why I’ve been avoiding you. That’s why I’d like to avoid you now. Okay?”