He didn’t want to say it, he didn’t want to point to it. He didn’t want their eyes on those words together.
‘This,’ he said, waving his hand over the words.
She looked – and immediately started scrubbing the bad writing out with her pen. Her face was skim milk, and her neck went red and blotchy.
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’ he said.
‘I didn’t know it was there.’
‘I thought this had stopped.’
‘Why would you think that?’
W h y had he thought that?
Because she was with him now?
‘I just … why didn’t you tell me about this?’
‘Why would I tell you?’ she asked.
‘It’s
gross
and
embarrassing.’
She was still scribbling. He put his hand over her wrist. ‘Maybe I could help.’
‘Help how?’ She shoved the book toward him. ‘Do you want to kick it?’
He clenched his teeth. She took the book back and put it in her bag.
‘Do you know who’s doing it?’ he asked.
‘Are you going to kick them?’
‘Maybe …’
‘Well …’ she said, ‘I’ve narrowed it down to people who don’t like me …’
‘It couldn’t be just anyone. It would have to be somebody who could get to your books without you knowing about it.’
Ten seconds ago, Eleanor had looked mean as a cat. Now she looked resigned, slumped over the table with her fingertips at her temples.
‘I don’t know …’ She shook her head. ‘It seems like it always happens on gym days.’
‘Do you leave your books in the locker room?’
She rubbed her eyes with both hands. ‘I feel like now you’re intentionally asking me stupid questions. You’re like the worst detective ever.’
‘Who doesn’t like you in gym class?’
‘Ha.’ She was still covering her face. ‘Who doesn’t like me in gym class.’
‘You
need
to
take
this
seriously,’ he said.
‘No,’
she
said
firmly,
squeezing her hands into fists, ‘this is exactly the sort of thing I shouldn’t take seriously. That’s exactly what Tina and her henchgirls want me to do. If they think they’re getting to me?
They’ll never leave me alone.’
‘What does Tina have to do with this?’
‘Tina is the queen of the people in my gym class who don’t like me.’
‘Tina would never do anything this bad.’
Eleanor looked hard at him.
‘Are you kidding? Tina’s a monster.
She’s
what
would
happen if the devil married the wicked witch, and they rolled their baby in a bowl of chopped evil.’
Park thought of the Tina who sold him out in the garage and made fun of people on the bus …
But then he thought of all the times that Steve had gone after Park, and Tina had pulled him back.
‘I’ve known Tina since we were kids,’ he said. ‘She’s not that bad. We used to be friends.’
‘You don’t act like friends.’
‘Well, she’s dating Steve now.’
‘Why does that matter?’
Park couldn’t think of how to answer.
‘Why
does
it
matter?’
Eleanor’s eyes were dark slits in her face. If he lied to her about this, she’d never forgive him.
‘None of it matters now,’ he said. ‘It’s stupid … Tina and I went together in the sixth grade.
Not that we ever went anywhere or did anything.’
‘Tina? You went with Tina?’
‘It was the sixth grade. It was nothing.’
‘But you were boyfriend and girlfriend? Did you hold hands?’
‘I don’t remember.’
‘Did you kiss her?’
‘None of this matters.’
But it did. Because it was making Eleanor look at him like he was a stranger. It was making him feel like a stranger. He knew that Tina had a mean streak, but he also knew that she wouldn’t go this far.
What did he know about Eleanor? Not much. It was like she didn’t want him to know her better. He felt everything for Eleanor, but what did he really know?
‘You
always
write
in
lowercase letters …’ Saying this out loud seemed like a good idea only for as long as the words were on his tongue, but he kept talking.
‘Did you write those things yourself?’
Eleanor paled from pale to ashen. It was like all the blood in her body rushed to her heart, all at once. Her speckled lips hung open.
Then she snapped out of it.
She started stacking her books.
‘If I were going to write a note to myself, calling myself a dirty slut,’ she said it matter-of-factly, ‘you’re right, I might not use capital letters. But I would definitely use an apostrophe …
and probably a period. I’m a huge fan of punctuation.’
‘What are you doing?’ he asked.
She shook her head and stood up. He couldn’t for the life of him think of how to stop her.
‘I don’t know who’s been writing on my books,’ she said coolly. ‘But I think we just solved the mystery of why Tina hates me so much.’
‘Eleanor …’
‘No,’ she said, her voice catching. ‘I don’t want to talk anymore.’