He is not my brother, he is not my brother.
When he moves in to kiss me again, I step sharply back, rap him on the chest with my fist, and scowl. “Next time, do not leave me for so long,” I say with a pout. If he thinks I am playing a game, he will play too. If he thinks I am rejecting him, he will turn on me. I wait, holding my breath, wondering which it will be.
When he blinks in mild surprise, I know the moment of danger has passed. “How did things go with Mathurin?” I ask to more fully distract him. “Was our father satisfied with the explanation you gave him?”
“Yes. He was pleased, in fact, that you acted so quickly to see to his interests.” Julian almost smiles, for he knows how poorly that sits with me.
“And the others. Have they returned yet?”
“No. I rode on ahead. To hurry back to you.” His voice holds an accusing note, and his eyes are but pools of darkness in this lightless place. I wonder if he is telling the truth or if he is more wrapped up in my father’s games than I have guessed.
But no, not Julian. He is the only one in my entire family who hates our father as much as I do. But he has also changed in the three years I was away at the convent, and it worries me, for I do not know him as well as I once did.
Besides, he has betrayed me before. There is nothing to say he will not do so again.
Chapter Twelve
OUR TRIP BACK TO THE room is long and tense and we do not speak at all. I glance sideways at him, but his face is obscured by the shadows.
Has he bought my explanation? Has he guessed my true purpose in going to the dungeon? No, he cannot have, for even I was not sure of my true purpose. Although now that I have seen how weak and injured the prisoner is, I am even less certain he can be saved, let alone ride the twenty-six leagues to Rennes, where the duchess awaits him.
When we reach the residential wing of the palace, Julian nods to the newly posted sentry at the door. As we climb the stairs to the upper floor, my desperate kiss to divert Julian’s suspicions lies thick in the air between us. I fear he has taken it as a bold invitation. What will he do once we reach my room?
We stop at my chamber door, and even though I know Julian is waiting for me to open it, I turn as if to bid him good night. “I am glad you are back safe and sound,” I murmur.
He steps closer to me and leans forward to nuzzle at my hair. “You know I hate being parted from you. I came back as soon as I could.”
I put my hands on his chest and play with the gold braid on his doublet to keep him from pressing closer.
It does not work. He ignores my hands between us and moves his lips from my hair and brings them down to my mouth. Despair fills me, and I scramble to think of some way to turn his own desire against him, but I cannot. Not now, when I am tired and chilled and the panicked dregs of discovery still run through my veins.
Then, praise Mortain, the door behind me opens and I nearly tumble backwards into the room. Julian’s head comes up, black fury in his eyes. I whirl around to see who has interrupted us, wanting to get my body firmly in front of Julian until he can get his temper in check.
It is Tephanie. Dear, awkward, sweet Tephanie! Her gaze flickers briefly to Julian and then comes back to me and never wavers. “You asked me to wait for you, my lady.”
“I did—thank you, Tephanie.” My voice is calm, steady, and holds the faint note of scorn Julian would expect.
I glance at Julian as if to apologize for this overly dutiful servant. His temper has dissipated, and in its place is a faint mocking expression. “It is late, and I am sure your attendant would like some sleep before the night is over.” He turns to Tephanie. “You may leave,” he tells her.
Hidden behind my skirt, my hand reaches out and grabs her arm, an iron grip that holds her in place. She curtsies and murmurs, “It is no inconvenience, my lord, but a great honor to be able to serve my lady in any way she wishes.”
I tilt my head at Julian. “Do you hear that, my lord brother? She is honored to serve me in any way she can.”
He looks at me, then at Tephanie, and I see in his eyes the exact moment he concedes the battle. “I cannot argue with such devotion, then. I bid you both good night.”
After Julian takes his leave, I stumble into my chamber and nearly sag to the floor. My knees weaken, my guts turn watery, and I cannot stop trembling.
“My lady?” Tephanie’s simple face is clouded with worry. “Are you all right?”
“I am fine.” Uncertain of my ability to school my features just yet, I do not look up.
Ignoring my words, she hurries to my side. I brace myself for her barrage of questions, but she surprises me by saying nothing. She simply takes one of my ice-cold hands in hers and begins chafing some warmth back into it.