Chapter 8
First Taste
Eventually he cooled off and came back downstairs. We ignored the fight. We ate our dinner and made small talk for the rest of the night, and never brought up the subject of changing my sister again. It was still in the back of my head and I’m pretty sure, at least for that night, it was in the back of his. But he never again mentioned it. His answer had been pretty clear anyway.
Aside from that disagreement, our relationship went pretty smoothly. We went for long walks through the park or on the beach. Sometimes we brought Spike with us and he’d frolic playfully while we held hands. Sometimes we went alone, and we’d find a secluded spot and kiss under the setting sun (my vamp was a touch on the romantic side). We ate dinner on his patio or out at a small bistro that we liked. He started favoring bloodier and bloodier meat, and I tried not to think about the reason for that, as he sipped his deep red wine.
We went on a double date with Tracey and Hot Ben, who both enjoyed his company, and it turned into a regular thing. We started going out to dinner or out to a movie once a week, and Teren and Ben would chat about typical “guy” things – some sports game that was on last night, the hot girl in the movie we’d just watched, or fishing, which apparently Ben was also into, although I didn’t think he caught them quite like Teren did. Tracey and I would giggle as we watched our two completely normal (well, seemingly normal anyway) boyfriends bond. I hoped she took longer than average to find Hot Ben’s flaws; hanging out as a foursome was quite enjoyable.
Teren joined my family and I for our weekly dinners, which made my mom and Ashley joyously happy, as they kind of adored him. Especially Ash, who usually sat beside him, chatting animatedly about school or a movie and even once about a cute boy she liked. He glanced up at me while she was talking about that boy and I had to clench my stomach. His face was sympathetic, like he understood what I meant about wanting to give her another life, one where she’d have a shot with the cute boy, but his weak smile and small sigh clearly told me his answer was still no. He wouldn’t change her. I tried to accept that.
We avoided his parents’ place, but he often called them, and occasionally I was present for those phone calls. They were thrilled that we were back together and they were very sorry for pushing our relationship. They always asked us to come back to the ranch, so they could make up for their poor behavior. Teren always told them that now wasn’t the best time. A long pause on Teren’s end of the conversation indicated a lengthy response on his mother’s side. Sometimes he’d fire off a sentence or two in Russian, which made me frown. I decided it was time for him to teach me, but he seemed reluctant to do so. He kept telling me, “It takes a long time to learn. Maybe next week, when I have more time to commit to it”. That “next week” never came, and I had the sneaking suspicion that he just liked being able to keep me in the dark when he chatted with his family.
Everything was going swimmingly with my otherworldly boyfriend, and I made myself ignore the fact that every day, we were edging closer to “the change”. Every day Death’s ugly head loomed just a little nearer. I may have been forcing my mind not to think about it, but I still laid my head on his chest and listened whenever I could. I cherished every day that his heart was still beating.
On the one month anniversary of his “coming out” to me (which also happened to be the first time we slept together, although, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t what we were celebrating), he sent me calla lilies at work again. Clarice left them on my desk this time and frowned in disapproval. She still believed that he was trying to lure me away to be his private, personal assistant. I suppose I was his assistant, in a way, as I did occasionally pick up his dry cleaning, bring him Starbucks, and remind him of his monthly editor’s meeting. I just wasn’t getting paid for it.
When he did it again on our second month anniversary of his fanging me (I loved that phrase and said it often to Ashley, who was the only human woman in the world that I could talk about all of my boyfriend’s oddities with), Clarice finally started piecing together that maybe he wasn’t wooing me for a job…maybe he was just wooing me.
“Emma.”
I slapped on a bright, fake smile. “Yes, Clarice?”
She pointed to my new arrangement of calla lilies, perched merrily on the very corner of my desk, bringing a little cheer to my square, gray world. “Those are from that Adams man again at Gate magazine.”
I tried to not sigh or falter in my smile. “Yes. Yes they are.”
She tried to purse her lips, but the tightness of her bun seemed to make that a physical impossibility and she gave up the attempt. “Are you dating him?”
I did let the sigh I had contained out of me. It came out in a happy, contented, lovesick sort of way that made even me a little nauseous. “Yes…we’re dating. We have been for a few months.”
She nodded like she had secretly suspected that from the very beginning. The corners of my mouth turned up. “Well, I see. Are you going to go work for him?” she asked with an almost bored tone.
I blinked, not expecting that question. She still thought he wanted me to work there? “No…no, I think that would be weird…dating my boss.” Not to mention a little inappropriate.
She shrugged, her shapeless blouse lifting a bit on her plump belly, revealing a basic black belt that I hadn’t even known she was wearing. For the briefest odd minute, I imagined that her underwear was the most utilitarian and un-frilly stuff that she could find – and I’m sure it was “goes with everything" beige. I thought of the black, lacy number I was wearing under my tight skirt and thought we could not be more unlike each other. Her next comment though made me change my mind, and wonder a little more about her life.
“It wouldn’t be the first time. How do you think I got this job?” She winked and I blanched, and immediately stopped wondering about her underwear. I also forcefully pushed back the image of catching her and Mr. Peterson in flagrante on his oversized cherry desk. Ugh…some things a person just didn’t need to know.
“Oh…well, I’m not. I’m staying here.” Where I’ll never be able to look Mr. Peterson in the eye again, thank you.
She nodded and a smile actually broke out on her lips. It faded instantly. “Well, good. I’d hate to lose you. You’re the only one around here that seems to know what they’re doing.”
My pride soared. A compliment from Clarice was like finding a cable car without a photo-snapping tourist – it just never happened! I was pretty happy right then that Teren hadn’t nibbled on her for me. She knocked me down a peg after that with a “kind of” retort before she walked away. I shrugged off the backhandedness of the compliment and let my pride soar all afternoon. It wasn’t every day where you got to feel like you were actually good at something and your work was appreciated, maybe even appreciated more than the others. It made my day.
By five, I was practically glowing with positive energy. The world was my oyster and I was going to shuck it. Every cloud had a silver lining and every rainbow ended in a pot of gold, just for me. I was the Queen of this little land called San Francisco and all would bow before my brilliance and beauty. I sauntered into the parking lot, thinking I rocked this job, I rocked this outfit and I rocked my lacy, black under things.
It was at this very high point in my day, when the universe decided my ego had soared quite high enough and I needed to be brought down a smidge…or completely flattened. I tripped over an invisible boulder near the back of my car. That’s the only explanation - it was invisible. There was no way I simply stumbled and fell for no apparent reason. I managed to save my body from getting too banged up, but a piece of glass on the pavement sliced my knee and it was bleeding pretty well. I cursed loudly and looked around with heated cheeks, but thankfully, I was alone.
I brushed off my dirty, scraped hands and clamped one over my poor, bleeding knee. With the other, I retrieved my purse, which had fallen close by, and the assortment of belongings that had tumbled out of it. I shoved my pink cell phone, red lipstick and a silver, metallic makeup kit, back in the bag and dug around for my keys. All too typically, those were still buried in the bottom of my purse-abyss. Finally finding them, I hobbled to the back of my car and opened up the bulbous trunk.
I let go of my knee to open the spare tire compartment, where I stored a first aid kit (because I’m a girl, and keep such things in my car). A rivulet of blood trickled down my leg as I opened the panel and brought out the blue kit with the international “help me” red plus sign. I found a wet towelette and opened it, along with an extra large Band-Aid. I quickly wiped off my hands and gritting my teeth, wiped off my bloody leg and my bloody knee, making sure no stray glass was in the wound. When I was done, I slapped on the bandage. It was still bleeding, but I could get to Teren’s and inspect it further over there. I wanted to stop feeling like an idiot out in the parking lot, where a co-worker could come across me at any minute. I replaced the kit, closed the trunk and lickety-split, hightailed it to Teren’s house.
I didn’t knock at his house anymore - I just quietly walked right in. I didn’t really want to explain my embarrassing fall, so I snuck in stealthily, hoping to at least rinse off in the hall bathroom before he heard me. I wasn’t two steps in the room before he was standing right in front of me. As I slowly closed the door behind me, I watched him close his eyes, tilt his head to the side and inhale deeply. A shudder passed through him and a second later, it passed through me. I was bleeding. The vampire in front of me clearly knew I was bleeding. As he exhaled and let his mouth fall open with a pleased noise, I felt like I had just been mentally devoured. He opened his eyes as I set my purse down beside the door. They were slightly unfocused as he gazed at me.
“You’re hurt,” he whispered.
I sighed and told my clumsy story to him. His eyes flicked down to my knee, at the smidge of blood still visible on my shin and the red stain visible through the bandage, as the wound continued to ooze. I watched his mouth fall open again and his breath increase as he stared at my wound. Guilt washed through me. This was something he obviously wanted and, here I was, just letting a plastic coated piece of gauze soak it all up.
“Teren.” His eyes snapped back up to mine. “Do you want the blood?”
He blinked and his eyes refocused. “No.” His voice was weak with no conviction behind it, like it was a conditioned answer, and not the one he really wanted to be giving me.
Feeling bad for denying him an opportunity that I never let him have – my blood – I reached down and pulled off the bandage. A fresh trickle of red warmth flowed like a tiny river down my shin and he groaned, watching it intently. “It’s okay, Teren. I never let you bite me, but I’m already bleeding, so you may as well…”
In a seeming trance he walked right up to me and sank on his knees before me. He ran his hands up the back of my calf and eyed the droplet hungrily. I began to wonder how much he downplayed wanting me, wanting my blood. He looked back up at me. “Are you sure?” His voice had a twinge of ‘God, please don’t change your mind’ to it.
Was I making a mistake giving him even a small taste? He seemed to want it so much…how in control was he? Seven seconds rang in my head for a moment before I dismissed it – he had already shown he wasn’t interested in taking a life, not even when I asked him to.
“Yes.” The word was barely a whisper past my lips, but he heard me.
He bent down and ran his tongue along the expanding red trail. He made a deep noise and looked up at me once he reached my knee. His fangs had slid out as the blood, my blood, had touched his tongue. He bared his teeth to me for just a moment, and then he set his lips along my knee. I could feel the edges of his fangs against my skin, but he didn’t bite, only used his tongue and lips to sweep away the fresh blood. I smiled as I watched his enjoyment. I knew it would have looked really odd if anyone had been here to see him licking my knee like a human ice cream cone, but he was so content, sucking away and kneading his hands along my calf. A big cat, kneading the carpet while enjoying a fresh bowl of cream.
After a long moment, he pulled back and I could see the wound had closed and no more blood was oozing, just a faint, red line remained. He took the bandage from my hand, replaced it along my knee and then gazed up at me, his face a look of pure rapture. “Thank you. You…are amazing.”
I felt like the most beautiful, bloodied-knee girl in the world. Renewed guilt flashed through me. He had enjoyed that…more than a little. Here I was, with a surplus of something that he obviously ached for. What was a little pain, if it gave him such pleasure?
“Do you want some more?”
He answered automatically, his eyes closing in bliss. “Yes.” He shook his head and seemed to come out of it as he opened his eyes. “No…no I’m fine, thank you.”
He started to stand, but I stopped him by putting my foot on his thigh. This brought my bare thigh inches from his face. He stared at it and froze. “Take a bite, Teren…a small one,” I quickly amended. He shook his head, but his eyes never left my thigh. “It’s alright. I want you to.” He finally tore his eyes away to look up at me. “You said it would be intimate and you’d enjoy it and I want to give that to you. I love you.” I reached out and stroked his cheek as his eyes searched mine. He seemed to be debating whether or not he should do this. He seemed to really want it and not want it at the same time. I ran a hand through his hair. “I trust you.”
He opened his mouth and I swear his fangs got longer. He turned back to my leg and the hands that had been on my calf, ran up my thigh, pushing my skirt higher. I suddenly realized this might do more for me than I‘d anticipated. He started inching towards me and my leg started shaking in anticipation.
Nervous energy shot through me, both at the erotic body part I’d offered him, and the fear of what was to come… pain. A part of me was also fighting the natural instinct to bolt away from a predator, instead of willfully letting one approach you, but I trusted him. He would never take more than my body could handle. He would never hurt me. Well, aside from the puncturing of the skin part, but there was just no way around that. I was hoping it was going to hurt less than the throbbing cut on my knee.
His stubbly face rubbed against my skin and he exhaled loudly. I found that I did too. His tongue brushed against my upper, inner thigh and all fear left me. I inhaled deep and exhaled slowly. My exhale turned into a sharp gasp as his teeth sunk into my flesh. It hurt, but nowhere near what I’d been expecting. He hadn’t bitten deeply, and the sensation was almost immediately replaced by the warmth of his tongue and his lips. He made a primal, satisfied noise deep in his chest, as his hands worked at my thigh. I waited to feel the warmth of blood seeping down my leg, like they showed in every vampire film I’d ever seen, but Teren didn’t let one drop of my liquid gold escape his lips. He was ravishing me…he truly was devouring me. And the noises he made, combined with his hands on my leg and the warmth of his tongue on my bare skin, did amazing things to my body. I grabbed his hair and with a groan of my own, pulled him tighter to me. He obligingly bit deeper and I gasped again, but not with pain this time.
I heard him swallow a few times and wondered how much he was taking. I knew he’d stop though. I felt no fear, just curiosity. His hands started moving down my thigh and his lips pulled away until only his tongue remained, licking the twin holes until the bleeding stopped. I felt a little rubbed raw…and completely unsatisfied. Damn if I hadn’t liked it as much as he’d predicted.
He looked up at me and his eyes glowed faintly, even with the daylight streaming into the room. He smiled in drunken satisfaction, looking completely satiated. I carefully sank down to my knees and pushed him back, so we were both lying on the floor of his entryway; we were both a little breathless. His fangs were still out and I could see my blood on his tongue, and I couldn’t have cared less. I kissed him most thoroughly and made him satiate me.
At least an hour later, we were both lying in his bed, happy and satisfied. My thigh ached a little, and I was pretty sure I’d bruise a bit around the circular wounds, but I didn’t care about that either. His biting me had been the most intimate thing I’d ever experienced with a man - human or vampire. I sighed, and he snuggled tight to me and kissed my head.
“See…I told you, you might like it.”
I looked over at him lying beside me. “Yeah…well, that doesn’t mean you get to just bite me all willy-nilly. I don’t want to look like some junky, with track marks all up and down my body.”
He chuckled softly and leaned over to kiss my ear. “I can be discreet,” he whispered.
I sat up on my elbow and looked down on him, my brown hair sweeping across my bare shoulder. He grabbed a lock and brushed it back behind my ear. “You enjoyed that a lot more than I expected you too.” He looked away from me and bit his lip. He almost looked worried. I brought his chin back around to face me. “It’s okay. It’s a part of who you are. It just surprised me, that’s all.”
He sighed as he looked over my face. “It surprised me too,” he said quietly. He sat up in bed and I sat all the way up with him. He brought his knees up under the sheets and laced his arms over the top of them. He closed his pale eyes and sighed again. “The desire is getting stronger in me. I’m starting to crave it…and…” He stopped talking and opened his eyes. He watched me warily and bit his lip again. I could tell he didn’t want to tell me whatever he was thinking about.
I put a hand on his arm. “What is it?”
He looked past me, at the far wall. “I’m starting to notice people, notice you.”
“What do you mean?”
He brought his eyes back to mine. He tried to smile, but failed and shook his head instead, slightly raising his shoulders at the same time. “I notice your heartbeat, the pulse of your veins…the smell of blood on you.” He looked down. “I was working in my office when you came in. I heard your car in the drive, but I wanted to finish this article I’ve been doing…” He looked back up. “But when you opened the door and the smell of fresh blood on you hit me… I was downstairs before I even realized it. I couldn’t stop myself, and I couldn’t control rushing down…to be near it.”
I swallowed. He had appeared nearly instantly the moment I walked in the house. He had smelled that…from upstairs? I asked a question I didn’t really want an answer to, but I needed to know the level of danger I was in being around him. “Did you want to attack me? Take it from me?”
He tried to look away again, but I grabbed his cheek and made him look at me. He looked back with clear guilt on his face and I knew the answer before he even opened his mouth. “Yes. For a fraction of a fraction of a second…I wanted to rip your throat out.” I dropped my mouth and my hand at the intensity with which he had wanted my blood. I had never anticipated those kinds of thoughts being in his head. Wanting a nibble is one thing, wanting to bathe in my blood as he destroyed my jugular, is quite another. His guilty look increased as he studied my stricken face. “Emma…I’ve never felt that before – ever. It scared me.” He whispered that last part and looked at the sheets.
I composed myself, and tried to imagine the guilt and remorse he must be feeling at the horrific thought that had entered his brain. But it was only a split-second thought. He hadn’t done anything that I hadn’t offered to him first. I grabbed his chin again and kissed him lightly. “You didn’t, Teren. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I twisted my lips wryly, as he sadly watched me. “I practically had to gift wrap my thigh for you.”
He shook his head and grabbed my hand, holding it in his. “I still thought it. I’ve never thought that way before. I’ve never seen people purely as…food.” He looked down at our entwined fingers. “I’m worried that after the change… Maybe I’m wrong…maybe I’ll be…”
I stopped his crazy train of thought. “No.” He looked up at the conviction in my voice. “You won’t, Teren. Not you. Today just took you by surprise, that’s all. Once you get used to the new desires…you’ll be fine. And you can…you can taste me, if you really need it. Okay?”
He nodded lightly. His arms slid around me and one hand trailed down my body to my thigh. He brushed the red dots there with the back of his knuckle. “Did I hurt you very much?” His voice was soft and a little husky, as his eyes followed the motion of his finger under the sheets.
I grabbed his cheek and kissed him again. “No…of course not. I barely felt it.” After the initial prick anyway.
He nodded again and tilted his head as he adoringly looked at me. “I love you.”
I smiled and wrapped my arms around him as I softly kissed him. “I love you too. I must, I’ve never let anyone bite my thigh before.” He chuckled and pulled us both back down to the pillows.
*******************
He didn’t bite me again for awhile. I kind of thought it would get all tangled up with sex, and he’d take a draw every time we were intimate, but he didn’t. He claimed I needed time to recuperate between feedings, but I got the feeling he just didn’t want to get to use to it, like I was some special treat that he only got on occasion. Call me crazy, but that made me feel kind of worshipped.
When he did bite me again, a couple weeks later, it was nearly euphoric. We’d been enjoying a bright afternoon, lying in the sun on the second story balcony. I was in my red “bite me” bikini and needing a drink, I excused myself and slipped back into the house. As I was walking along the bookcase lined hallway that overlooked the living room, he had come up behind me with that blinding speed of his, and slipped his arms around me. He had me lying across the suddenly cleared off desk in his office in three seconds. Both of us breathing heavier, he ran his teeth along my outer hip all the way along to the inside of my still-virgin thigh. I may have asked him to (frankly, I may have begged him to), and he sank his teeth in and took a few long draws, while I marveled at the fact that I actually enjoyed it.
The holes weren’t bad. It kind of looked like I’d tried a barbell piercing in my thigh, changed my mind, and took it out. By the time he’d taken the second bite, the first one had healed completely. Well, near completely. Two tiny specks remained that no one else would think twice about, not that many people were staring at my inner thigh. But it gave me a thrill, at the rush of the memory, whenever I peeked at them. With my aversion to pain, I’d never have suspected that biting would be a fetish of mine. Good thing I ended up with a vamp, I guess.
I confided my secret love to Ashley a few days later, when we met for lunch during my break at work. “Really…you let him bite you?” She seemed pretty taken aback by that, and I wasn’t sure if the idea weirded her out, or if she knew me so well, she was surprised I’d allow such a thing. Probably the latter.
“Yeah…I kinda like it.” Okay, I really, really like it, but no need to creep her out, if she wasn’t already.
She shrugged. “Not something I’d peg you for, but alright.” She took a sip of her soda and then eyed me critically. “You’re being careful about it?” I scrunched my brows, confused. She sighed. “Emma…he’s a…” She looked around at the semi-crowded diner, and at the couple of heads staring at her, and she didn’t finish her statement. Instead she said, “You’re kind of playing with fire, if you know what I mean.”
I cringed at her choice of words, but I did understand what she meant. She was worried about him losing control and basically killing me. Not something every sister has to worry about. “He would never harm me, Ash. He wouldn’t even do it at all, if I didn’t ask him to, and he barely…” I looked around as well and lowered my already soft voice. “He barely takes any when he does it. No need to worry about me.”
She sighed but nodded as she took another sip of her drink. I thought again of my horrid conversation/fight with Teren about changing Ashley. I wondered if I should tell Ash about it. Do I even bring up the idea, if Teren is so dead set against it, if it’s not really an option? Do I give her that hope, if there is none? Although, Teren is not the only vampire-mix that I know of… I stopped that thought right in its track. The surest way to end our relationship, would be to have another member of his family turn Ash behind his back. No, if it was going to happen…he had to be the one to do it, or at least okay it.
To change what I wanted to really talk to her about, I mentioned the other thing that had been getting bigger and bigger in my head every day. “Teren’s family wants us to have a baby…and I’m thinking about doing it.”
She spat up her drink and started coughing a bit. “Are you crazy, Emma?” She coughed some more and wiped her mouth. “You’ve been together what, three, four months now? Are you going to marry him? Can vamp…can he even have children?”
I looked at her intently, while her coughing eased. I didn’t know how to say this…she didn’t know he was dying. Teren’s blunt way was too harsh, too final sounding. I needed a gentler way. “Well, I don’t know about the marriage part yet, but…because of what he is, he only has a few more months where he can make a child. After that, he’ll be essentially sterile. We can’t risk the exposure of going to a fertility clinic, so, if we’re going to…” I shrugged.
She eyed me more sympathetically. “Wow…so you really have to decide your whole future now, or you’ll lose it forever.” She put a hand on my arm. “You could always adopt later, Emma.”
I sighed, and fanged, black-haired children danced in my brain. “It’s not that simple…and the family really wants to keep the line alive.” I looked at her pointedly. “Their lineage is special.”
She nodded and sat back in her chair, her scarred hand rubbing her lip. “You’re right…it’s not that simple.”
I smiled weakly and shrugged again. “What do I do? It may already be too late. It can take awhile to get pregnant, and I’ve been on pills…we don’t have the luxury of time.”
She dropped her hand to her lap and cocked her head as she thought about it. “I don’t know. But if you do decide to get pregnant, it should be because the both of you want a child, not to please his family or keep his…heritage alive.”
I nodded and found myself dabbing sudden tears from the corner of my eyes. Interesting…was I crying over the idea of having his child, or the idea of never having his child? I found myself thinking about those tears all throughout my day. And you know how sometimes when you’re dwelling on something, everything around you suddenly relates to the thing you’re dwelling on? That was my day.
I saw mother’s pushing strollers as I drove back to work. Tracey told me about Hot Ben’s sixteen year old cousin that just got knocked up, and is still claiming that she’s a virgin (likely story that). Every other cubicle I passed as I left work, had a baby picture in it. Some man in the lobby was congratulating another man, whose wife had just given birth to a healthy, happy eight pound baby boy. I passed not one, not two, but three cars with those yellow “Baby on Board” signs. And lastly, on the drive back home, I looked over to a park and saw a black-haired, pale-eyed little boy, that so easily could have been Teren’s, that I almost stopped the car to ask the woman who the father was. I think my biological clock started ticking on that drive home.
Teren picked me up a couple of hours later to go see a movie with Tracey and Ben. I considered what to say to him on the way over. I settled for silence, because I still wasn’t sure exactly what I was feeling. A pregnant woman in line behind us made me sigh and Teren grabbed my hand, pulling me tight to him, maybe thinking I was lonely. I don’t know what I was, but I was definitely something.
Tracey and Hot Ben sat in the row in front of us, holding hands and occasionally kissing each other. I sighed again, and not because my boyfriend wasn’t equally as attentive, he was, he was currently kissing my neck, but I think I sighed because of the endless amount of time Tracey had to consider her future with Ben. I felt my future tightening around me every minute.
We watched the movie with our hands clasped together, and during a birthing scene (of course), I searched Teren’s face. His eyes were infinitesimally glowing in the dim light of the theater, but he was just casually watching the screen. If he was having any thoughts on what he was seeing, that he was maybe correlating to his own life, I wasn’t seeing that debate in his features. Eventually, he noticed my attention and he turned to smile at me. I smiled back, kissed him lightly, and laid my head on his shoulder, determined to make it through this damn movie without that clock vibrating my whole body.
I tried to change the direction of my thoughts, by talking about my day on the way home. “I had lunch with Ash today.”
He glanced over at me with the corner of his eye, and I was clearly getting the ‘don’t bring it up’ vibe, as he softly said, “Oh…yeah.”
I sighed again, at that heavy, barred and steel-bolted, locked door that was never going to be reopened. He just wouldn’t even discuss him turning Ash again, and I knew better than to bring it up. Well, I knew better than to bring it up directly. “I’m not trying to start anything…but…why wouldn’t Halina change Ashley? Not that I’d ask her to,” I quickly tossed back at him, as his glance turned into a full on glare. “I would just like to understand, Teren.”
His look softened as he gazed at me a moment, before turning his attention back to the road. “She never asked for this…life. It changed everything for her. Her husband, a normal existence for her daughter…ever seeing the sun again. She misses that…daily.” He looked back to me and his eyes were full of compassion. “She won’t bring another person into her torment. She just…won’t.”
We passed the street before mine, and I noticed a set of new parents, beaming, as they opened their front door with a car seat bundle cradled carefully in their arms. Well, isn’t that peachy. I just can’t seem to get away from this today. “Then why do they want a child? Isn’t that bringing another person into the life?”
He shook his head and turned back to the road. “Being mixed is different than being full.” He looked back at me and shrugged. “Look at me. I enjoy nearly everything a human does – sun, silver, a regular job and a regular life.” Yeah, just a regular Joe…only with no more heartbeat in a few more months.
He bit his lip and was very quiet as he pulled down my street, and eventually into my drive. I could see that he was thinking of something he wanted to tell me, but either didn’t know how to say it, or didn’t know how I’d react to it.
“What?” I asked softly.
He turned the car off and twisted in his seat to face me. “The day I told you…the day you saw my teeth, you made a comment that was…” he smiled warmly at me, “right on the money.”
I scrunched my brows, trying to remember that conversation; a lot had been said (and done) that night. He explained when he saw my confusion. “You said that I should marry a full vampire and have a child with her, if I didn’t want to dilute the line. Having a child with an undead vampire isn’t actually possible, but…your theory is what my family is hoping for.”
I scrunched my brow further, as I tried to grasp what he was saying. He shrugged. “They are hoping that one day, if we keep having children with humans…the vampirism will genetically fade out, and they’ll be…”
“Human,” I breathed.
He nodded with a serious expression. “Yes. They want our line to be human again.”
I stared at him, in what must have looked like blank confusion, but I suddenly knew exactly what I wanted. “I’ll do it,” I said calmly, no trace of indecision in my voice. Now he scrunched his brows, confused. “I’ll have your baby. We’ll try…anyway.”
He narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “That’s not why I told you. You don’t have to…”
I grabbed his hand and held it with both of mine. “That’s not why I want to. Well, it’s not the only reason.” I smiled brightly as I squeezed his hand. “I’m yours, forever, and I want this with you. I want a family with you.” I searched his eyes, as I felt mine welling up. “I want to carry on your line, and I want to do it before it’s too late.”
His gaze softened as he cocked his head at me. “Have you been thinking about this a lot?”
“Yes…in the back of my mind.” I bit my lip and shook my head. “But today…I kept seeing signs everywhere and I don’t know - it just feels like I’m supposed to do this, like we’re supposed to do this.”
He sighed. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.” I frowned at his still solemn expression. “Don’t you want to have a baby with me?”
He paused for a long time, staring into my eyes. I felt the whole world slip away as our gazes locked. Time stood still and for the moment, the only thing that mattered was this perfectly starry night, and me and my vampire beneath it, safe and secluded in his quiet car. And of course…his answer, which he finally gave me.
“Yes.”
The next day I was giddy to tell someone about Teren’s and my crazy plan to jump start our family. I was all smiles as I sat in my teeny cubicle and listened to Clarice boss me around. I wanted to shout at her, “Guess what? I just tossed out my birth control pills this morning!” I didn’t though.
I poked my head over the wall at Tracey once Clarice left, but Tracey looked glum (I couldn’t really mention anything to her either anyway). She explained that last night, after the movie, she and Ben had gone out for drinks and he had told her that he loved her. Now, for most girls, hearing a really cute boy say those words, would be cause for celebration, but for Tracey…well, I could almost hear the funeral march on poor Hot Ben and his misguided heart.
I encouraged her that that was a good thing, and they would surely work out and have a great life together (wasn’t I peppy, optimism girl today?), and she nodded and said “sure” and went back to staring at her computer, brooding. I knew that before the end of the day, she would have a list of reasons why he just wasn’t right for her. They wouldn’t make it to the weekend.
I sighed as I sat back down. I had enjoyed our little foursome. I suppose a baby with my soon-to-be dead boyfriend, would have irrevocably changed the relationship anyway.
I held in my giddy excitement until after work when I cancelled dinner plans with Teren to go to Ashley’s and tell her all about it, while Mom went out with some girlfriends. I suppose my choice was counterproductive to the actual making of a baby, but I was too excited to share my decision with someone and she, aside from being my best friend, was the only person in the world I could share the news with.
We sat on the living room floor with a half gallon of peppermint ice cream and laughed and giggled over the idea of me being hugely pregnant with a vampire baby. Ash had kind of expected my decision after our lunch yesterday, so she wasn’t too surprised at my announcement. And because she loved me, she kept whatever fear and doubt she must have been having to herself, and she only showed me unconditional support. I love my sister.
Mom eventually came back home from her evening with the girls and, laughing at the sight of us bent over a container of ice cream, giggling, she grabbed a spoon of her own and sat in-between us. We switched to topics suitable for a parent in the room, and the three of us chatted, bonded and devoured our version of a tasty snack.
After leaving Mom and Ashley’s, I drove straight to Teren’s place. I didn’t even think about it, I just instinctually did it. Really, I was thinking about Ashley’s reaction to my news and what I’d tell Mom in a few months when I did, hopefully, get pregnant. I had a feeling she’d take it pretty well too. There was something about being a grandmother that brought out the acceptance in parents. Plus, she liked Teren, loved him even. I still wasn’t sure how to explain him to her…but, I suppose I had years before she’d notice that he never looked any older. With his camouflaging stubble and rugged good looks, he could pull off looking twenty five for another decade, so I had plenty of time to worry about that.
His lights were on as I pulled into his semi-circle drive and he greeted me at my car door. He smiled like he didn’t care at all that I’d cancelled our plans and then shown up afterwards anyway. He only looked happy that I was here. He pulled me into his arms as I stepped out of the car and I dragged my wrist across his lips. “I’ve already had dessert…do you want dessert?”
He smiled crookedly at me in a way that was so incredibly attractive on him, and then he softly kissed my proffered body part and shook his head. “No, I’m fine, thank you.”
I laced that wrist around his neck. “Shall we get right to the baby making then?”
He laughed, then scooped his arm under my knees and lifted me up into them. He swept me through his open front door, like a bride being ushered across the threshold by her new husband. Once inside, he closed the door with his foot and achingly, and humanly slow, walked us upstairs to his room.
Were hadn’t been finished nearly five minutes, before I started giggling. I was pretty sure I knew the answer to my question, but in my excitement, I asked it anyway. “Do you think I’m pregnant now?” I sighed contently and laid my cheek on his heart-heavy chest.
He laughed deep in his body and ran a hand through my hair. “Patience…it will happen when it’s supposed to.”
Black-haired children filled my mind and I sighed again, a little less contently. “Time is the one thing we don’t have a lot of, Teren.” I pressed my ear to his chest and relished each steady thump. I was constantly in surprise over how much I wanted his child. Maybe it was the fact that I only now felt really ready, and because we’d waited, now we only had a little over three months left (assuming that he didn’t die before his birthday, of course). Maybe the countdown had my desire for it kicked into high gear.
Teren sighed with a sound that matched my own, and I wondered if he now wanted this as badly as I did, if my acceptance of it had kicked in his desire. If that were the case, I might be spending the next three months flat on my back in his bed. I smiled into his chest. I could think of worse ways to pass the time.
“I know, Emma,” he whispered as he stroked my hair.
Thinking about time, brought my mind around to the inevitableness of mine ending. I wasn’t sure about Teren, but I was sure about mine. My life was finite. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know the question rolling around in my head, but curiosity drove it out of me. “Would our child be…immortal?” I looked up at his face, to see if he was going to laugh at me, but his pale eyes only regarded me lovingly.
He shrugged. “I don’t know. We’re not sure how long any of us will live.”
I raised myself up to his elbows on his chest. “Oh…what about Halina?”
Then he did laugh. “I think Great-Gran will be around until someone stakes the old bat.” He laughed again as I twisted my lips at him. “As for the rest of us…” He shrugged again. “There just aren’t any others like us, so we have no idea.” He grinned crookedly. “We’re all watching Gran very closely.”
He winked and I laughed at him. “You’re very odd.”
He smiled and ran his hand back through my hair. “So I’ve been told.”
I swallowed at the look of immense love on his face. “Will you miss me when I’ve passed on?”
Without missing a beat, he smiled widely and shook his head. “No.”
I smacked his shoulder and he laughed. “Thanks.”
Still laughing, he grabbed hold of the hand smacking his shoulder repeatedly. “Okay, yes…” He grabbed both of my wrists and pulled me up on top of him. “I will wear black every day, muttering your name incoherently, as I shuffle through the meaningless existence of my bleak eternity.”
I twisted my wrists to hold his hands and placed our laced fingers on either side of his head as I hovered above him. “Well, that’s better.”
He laughed and looked at me more seriously. “I don’t think I’ll have to suffer without you for long.”
“Oh, why not?”
He rolled us blurringly fast, so that I was beneath him and he was hovering above me. He grinned as he looked down on me. “I think I’ll simply die of boredom without you around.”
I rolled my eyes and pushed him off me. He lay on his side, propped up on his elbow and gazed down at me. “Well, assuming you make it through the boredom of my absence…would you live for hundreds, maybe thousands of years?”
He shrugged again, his muscles flexing with the movement. “It’s possible…if we end up to be more like vampires in that sense then, yeah, we’ll live until we can’t stand another second of the monotony and stake ourselves.”
I looked up at him and frowned. “That’s not something you should have to decide.” He cocked his head a bit and scrunched his brow. “Your death…no one should have to choose when to die. It shouldn’t be up to you.”
He relaxed his features and smiled wryly. “It may not be. Vampires aren’t universally loved. Some people have certain …prejudices. If we were ever discovered…” He shrugged again. “I could be staked tomorrow.”
I sat up on my elbows. “What? You think you’d be attacked by villagers with pitchforks?” He grinned and I continued, “I don’t think the culture is like that anymore.” I shifted to my side and sat up on an elbow, so we were facing each other. “I think you’d be rock stars. You’d be the most famous person in the world. You’d have photographers tracking your every move, people lined up for miles to catch a glimpse of you, and girls everywhere, throwing themselves at you, begging to be bitten.” I raised an eyebrow and twisted my lips at that particular thought.
He raised his eyebrows right back at me. “That doesn’t sound like much of a life. Well, the girls part wouldn’t be so bad.” I smacked his shoulder and he leaned in to kiss me. “It wouldn’t be quite so glamorous…not everyone’s a fan.”
I shook my head and ran a hand down his jaw. “Well, either way, I’m sure you’ll outlive me.” I smirked and rested my hand on his shoulder. “I’ll be a pile of dust before you know it.”
He smirked back. “Thanks…I’m really trying to not think about that.”
I gazed at him for long, silent seconds and then very seriously told him, “Protect our child and our child’s child and that child’s child. Live as long as you can.”
He cocked his head at me and lightly shook it. “Sometimes, I wish there was a way to make you just like me…”
I smiled and blinked back the tears. “But there isn’t…and I don’t want to be a full vampire, not that you’d change me any more than you’d change Ash.” I kissed him softly and a tear escaped the very corner of my eye. “We’ll just take each day as we’re given it…okay?”
He nodded, and one small tear rolled down his cheek. I had to swallow several times to stop the urge to sob at seeing the love of my life so emotional at the thought of outliving me, grotesquely outliving me. I don’t know if I’d have the strength, if our roles were reversed. But, he’d have his family for support and hopefully…our child as well. I kissed him very deeply and he wrapped me in his arms, almost as if, by holding me tight, he could stop my all-too-soon finale.