An Uncertain Choice

But as I spoke, disappointment filled Derrick’s eyes, as if he’d expected more from me than what I’d given him. “Call the guards,” he said in a hard voice to the abbot, “and you may lock me up.”


Even as he spoke the words, my heart gave a thump of protest. I knew I should have added my objection to that of Sir Collin and Sir Bennet. But how could I proclaim him innocent until I found the real culprit?

As the guards came forward reluctantly and bound Derrick’s hands, I turned to the abbot. “I don’t want him in the dungeon.”

“I know how disappointing this is to you, my child,” he said while starting down the steps of the dais. “But ‘tis best you learn of his true nature before it is too late.”

Disappointment didn’t quite encompass my feelings. It was much more complicated than that. Something about the situation wasn’t right. I couldn’t put my finger on it at the moment, but knew I wouldn’t rest until I learned what was going on.

“Don’t worry,” Sir Bennet called as the guards led Derrick away. “We’ll discover who’s really behind all the murder attempts. And we’ll set you free.”

His words echoed my thoughts exactly. I willed Derrick to turn around and see the determination in my face and eyes, but his head was bent and his shoulders slumped, and as my guards ushered him through the Great Hall, he didn’t glance my way again.




I pressed my face into my hands as I knelt at the prayer altar. Except for the abbot’s soft murmurs in Latin, the chapel was silent.

In fact, the entire castle was silent, as if in mourning with me for all I’d lost.

The truth was I’d grown to care about Derrick more than I’d ever dreamed possible. But now with all the accusations, especially one as serious as murder, there didn’t seem any way possible that I would be able to finish discovering if Derrick had fallen in love with me and I with him.

Maybe God was sending me a sign that I was destined for a life in the convent after all.

“Oh God,” my heart cried out. “Then why did you allow me to care about Derrick so much? Why did you let me experience the love of an earthly man if I’m destined for a life with only you as my bridegroom?”

Had the whole month been simply a test to show me my true destiny? The anguish in my heart spread to every limb, every nerve, every muscle in my body.

“He played you falsely, your ladyship,” the abbot said, standing above me, dangling a long wooden cross on a golden thread from his hand. “He knew if he withheld himself from you, if he was more aloof and acted unworthy of your attention, you would be drawn to him.”

My chest constricted. Was that what Derrick had intended? If so, it had worked. I’d most certainly been attracted to him.

“He was crafty.” The abbot’s voice contained an unusual edge. “But I suppose he decided he’d safeguard his claim on you by scaring away — ?or killing — ?the other two men.”

I still couldn’t believe Derrick was capable of harming his friends. I’d immediately sent guards to begin an investigation. Even so, my time was running out. I’d had so little to begin with. And even if I could find a way to prove his innocence, I doubted there would be enough hours left to finish getting to know one another and truly decide if our affections were indeed love.

“He’s not worth the sorrow, your ladyship,” the abbot said more gently.

At a clearing throat at the back of the chapel, I finally lifted my face and tried to pull myself out of my pit of despair.

“Excuse me, Lady Rosemarie,” came the duke’s voice.

I rose from my prayer cushion and tugged my veil over my face. I was in mourning and I didn’t care who knew about it.

“I’ve sent the guests home as you requested,” he said, coming down the aisle toward me. He was dressed in his suit of armor, his helmet tucked under one arm, his sword sheathed at his side.

“Thank you, your Grace.”

Faint light poured through a round stained glass window above the altar. The candles in the wall sconces had been lit. Even so, the duke’s face was dark.

“My men and I are ready to depart.”

I nodded. “I wish you Godspeed in your searches.” Even if any of us found enough evidence to clear Derrick’s name, I doubted he’d want to proceed with our courtship, not after the humiliation of his arrest. Any respect I gained from him had certainly been lost when I’d failed to take better charge of the situation. I’d proven myself a weak leader once again.

With only a week until my eighteenth birthday, the odds of getting married seemed suddenly insurmountable.

In some ways, it seemed wiser to resign myself once again to entering the convent. I couldn’t hold back a sigh of disappointment. Perhaps I needed to begin the move to the monastery guesthouse, even though my heart resisted the thought.

The duke reached for my hands and folded them between his. “I know you’re confused and hurt. And I never meant for that to happen.”

“This is exactly what I was afraid would happen,” started the abbot.

The duke cut him off with a sharp look. “Will you promise me two things?” he asked me gently.