chapter Three
It took several hours of distracting business before I was confident that I could face the luminescent Noelle again without pouncing on her. I had also intended on feeding, to quell the hunger that had burst so insistently to life with Noelle’s nearness, but none of the women in the small town outside the Abbey appealed to me. They were too tall, too thin, too blond or brunette, too… mundane. None of them had that little sparkle of amusement in her eyes, and none of them had silky-smooth skin that begged to be tasted.
None of them smelled of lilacs.
“I will not let this happen,” I swore to Johannes as we approached the west wing of the Abbey, where my rooms had always been.
Johannes gave me a look that said he didn’t believe me. I ignored him, instead studying the house for a few minutes. I hadn’t been to it since the night I had arrived to find the usurpers in possession, lest they were minions of Amaymon. But no demon in his right mind would consort with a Guardian, which meant they probably had designs on the house itself, rather than me. “Which is also not going to happen.”
As I rounded what was once a sundial set in a small rose garden—but was now a sad jungle of weeds and rusted bits of metal strewn on the ground—the sound of voices had me ducking into the shadow of a wild yew hedge. Johannes marched past me to sit a few feet away, watching with interest the scene before him.
“No, no, no! She’s ruining the whole thing, Teresa! Where did you find her, the local amateur theater group? Look, Noreen—”
“Noelle.”
“Whatever. You’re supposed to be a nun who’s meeting her lover, the bishop, clandestinely here in the garden. You’re ready to die for your love, not go for a power walk, for God’s sake. You have to drift around slowly, as if you are contemplating the carnal act you are about to commit. Honestly, Teresa, I shouldn’t have to produce the show and star in it as well.”
The tone in the man’s voice grated on my nerves, enough so that I moved into the shadows of the hedge to watch what the usurpers were planning.
Noelle was there, once again in a nun’s habit, her bright hair glittering and shining even when lit only by one lamp held by a slight man with a digital video camera. Not even the damned shapeless gray robe she wore stopped heat from pooling in my groin even as the hunger growled deep in my belly.
“I’m doing the best I can, but I’m not an actress,” Noelle told the other man present. My eyes narrowed on him. He had a prancing, arrogant air that instantly annoyed me. “I will walk slower, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to be contemplating having illicit sex with a monk—not a bishop, by the way, since the tale in question concerns a monk who was stoned for impregnating half the local countryside—without making all sorts of lewd gestures. I’ll try to look contemplative about the joys of sex, but that’s about all I can do.”
A monk who was stoned for promiscuity? Dammit, Nosty must have been telling tales again.
“Teresa!” the arrogant man snarled. “She’s ruining it!”
“Now, Miles—”
“Did I hear someone invoking my name? Or, rather, my tragic story?”
I groaned as a familiar form shimmered and appeared next to Noelle. The blonde who had attacked me the day before screamed and clutched at the arrogant man, who stumbled backward until he tripped over a stone bench overgrown with climbing plants. The man with the camera dropped it, shining a shaking light on Nosty, who, I noticed, was leering at Noelle in a way that made me see red.
“Nostredame, if you don’t stop trying to look down her robe, I’ll rip your nonexistent eyes out of your spectral head and shove them down your ghostly throat.” I snarled as I strode forward, Johannes at my heels.
Nosty’s eyes grew wide as he saw me. “Eep!” he said, and disappeared into nothing.
“Gray!” Noelle said at the same moment, emotion lighting up her face in away that had the fire in my belly sending out tendrils of warmth to all my limbs. “You’re back. I’m so glad I didn’t scare you off for good.”
“What the hell?” roared the man on the ground as he let the female usurper help him to his feet. “Who are you? What’s going on here? Dammit, Teresa, stop fussing over me. I didn’t trip, I was thrown backward by some evil spectral force. You—yes, you—this is a closed set! We’re making an important show here, and no one is allowed, especially not overzealous fans. Begone!”
“Fan?” I scowled at him. “Just what in the devil’s name is going on here?”
“This is Gray Soucek,” Noelle said, introducing me as the other three people eyed me curiously. “That’s not his cat Johannes. Or, rather, that cat, which is not Gray’s, is Johannes. And I’m pretty sure Gray’s not a fan, zealous or otherwise. In fact, he’s… uh…” What exactly are you?
A Dark One, dammit. You know that.
Yes, I know that, but what are you doing here?
This is my house.
I thought so, she said with a sense of satisfaction. “Gray is the owner of the Tomas Abbey. Gray, that’s Teresa—she’s my friend and the producer of a reality ghost-hunting show called Haunted Miles—and that’s Raleigh, the cameraman, and over there is Miles.”
“The star of the show,” the arrogant man said with a disdainful look as he brushed off his jacket. “Yet another amateur. Just what we need.”
“Oh, you’re the owner,” Teresa said with an odd look toward Noelle. “I think we’ve met. You… uh… you are the man I saw last night, aren’t you?”
“The one you hosed down with pepper spray? Yes, that was me.” My left eye twitched with the memory of the few hours that followed that experience. Johannes eyed the woman with interest.
She looked contrite, at least. “I’m so sorry. We’ve had a little trouble with some of the locals, you see, and when you popped up out of the dark like you did and demanded that Miles stop communing with the nature spirits, I thought you were one of the troublemakers.”
“Communing with nature? He was taking a piss on a Sarazin statue of Leda and the swan. That was my mother’s favorite, and I’ll be damned if I’ll let anyone defile it.”
“He was?” Everyone turned to look at Miles.
“There are many ways to commune,” he said with an irritated sniff. “The spirits wanted to speak to me, and I didn’t have time to run back to the house. Besides, it’s outdoors. It’s had worse things on it, I’m sure.”
“I’m sure that’s not the point,” Noelle said quickly as I took a step toward the bastard. She moved in front of me, her scent immediately wrapping around me, making my entire body tighten with need. “I don’t blame Gray for being upset to find people at his house when he obviously didn’t expect them. Did you?”
“No,” I said, breathing deeply despite myself. Who knew that lilac could be such an erotic scent? “I seldom do expect to find trespassers at my house.”
“I’m really sorry I didn’t ask you who you were last night,” Teresa said, making a vague gesture toward the others. “We’d just run off a fan earlier who tried to interrupt our filming and disrupt Miles while he was holding a séance, so… well… I’m just sorry about last night. I hope you can forgive me. But we aren’t trespassing, you know. The estate agency rented the house and grounds to us for two weeks while we film the pilot of our show. I have the agreement, if you’d like to see it.”
She pepper-sprayed you? Noelle squinted in the dim moonlight. You don’t look hurt at all.
I’m not now. It wasn’t any fun at the time, however.
I’m sure it wasn’t. Why did you come back? Was it to see me? It was, wasn’t it? I can feel how… um… hungry you are. Do you want to feed from me?
It took an effort, but I managed to think it. No.
One of her silky eyebrows rose. Oh, really? That’s why you’re thinking about it right this moment?
I’m not. And stop pretending you can read my thoughts.
I glowered at the pretentious Miles as he expounded about some foolishness or other, glancing at the papers that Noelle’s friend had presented me with. “These look in order,” I allowed, irritation lacing my voice. “I will have a word with the agent about leasing the house for such a purpose, but I suppose there’s nothing I can do about it now.”
“Oh, please don’t throw us out,” Teresa pleaded, glancing repeatedly at Noelle. “The Abbey is so perfect for us, and now that we’ve met the resident ghost, I know the show is going to break new ground and become a huge success.”
I glanced at Noelle, who was watching me with quiet amusement in those soft gray eyes. Why do I think you’ve had something to do with Nosty finding his way to the public’s eye?
Actually, it’s just the opposite. She quirked her luscious pink lips. I’d really prefer he stay hidden.
Why? He can only do your friend’s show good.
Yes, but I’m a Guardian. We try to keep all Otherworld beings from the attention of the mundane world.
I doubt if one ghost, even one as randy as Nosty, will do any harm. Now, stop talking to me in this manner. It does not mean you are my Beloved, and I dislike having you rummaging around in my thoughts.
I’m not rummaging, although I really do like that bit about licking me. I think I’d like you to lick me, Gray. I’d like to lick you, too. That chin dimple is driving me nuts. Would you be offended if I bit your chin?
With almost superhuman strength, I managed to keep from grabbing Noelle and carrying her off to the nearest bedroom. Yes, it would offend me to the tips of my toes. It would physically sicken me. It would be such a repugnant act I might actually vomit.
Her head tipped to one side as she considered me. You don’t lie very well, do you?
I am a consummate liar! I thought with as much outrage as I could manage, and shoved down all the erotic thoughts of just what I wanted to do to her at that moment. You know nothing about me. And stop thinking about licking my belly and fondling my ass. Such things repel me unlike anything I’ve ever known.
I bet you have sensitive nipples, she all but cooed into my brain, making my groin tighten painfully.
I fought the image of her breasts, all satiny smooth and warm, plump little morsels just waiting for my mouth and hands, and for a moment, I couldn’t even think. My nipples reject your desired attention. Please do not continue thinking about them. And stop this. I will no longer respond to you speaking to me thusly.
The others present had been discussing Nosty while Noelle damn near brought me to my knees with desire. With a strength of will I didn’t know I possessed, I managed to drag my attention off the temptress and onto the others.
“Noelle and I saw him first upstairs, although he was in a kilt then, and later, after we had dinner, he appeared to Raleigh and me as we were setting up for this shoot and told us all about himself, how he suffered so horribly for love, and how the brothers eventually walled him up alive because he wouldn’t renounce his love for a milkmaid.” Teresa clutched the rental-agreement papers to her chest and sighed happily. “It’s so very romantic. I just know the public is going to go gaga over him.”
“I have yet to properly interview this so-called spirit,” Miles said, obviously annoyed that attention was being drawn away from him. “I must speak with him first to determine the veracity of his claims. It could be a rival, you know, someone tricking us to make us believe he’s a ghost, someone who wishes to see my downfall. I wouldn’t put it past some of the other shows to send people here to deliberately try to destroy us before we’ve had a chance to even hit the air.”
“I think he’s real,” Teresa said, looking to the cameraman for confirmation. “Raleigh saw him appear out of nothing, too, so he has to be real. He was really very interesting, although he seems to have a bit of a fixation on milkmaids. But other than that, he was most informative. He told us about this house and how your family has lived here for centuries, Mr. Soucek.”
Acid filled my stomach; I’d swear vengeance on Nosty if he had been telling tales.
Noelle shot me a curious glance.
“There is nothing interesting about the Abbey. It is just an old house, nothing out of the ordinary. Part of it is falling down; the other part is unremarkable in all senses of the word.” Even to my ears, the words sounded false and forced. I swore to myself.
Are you all right?
Yes.
You tensed up all of a sudden, as if you were worried about something.
“Unremarkable?” Teresa asked, gaping at me. “It’s almost five hundred years old! It’s gorgeous. Well, the part of it that’s still standing is gorgeous. Not to mention it’s haunted, which is just awesome. And of course, there’s the secret treasure.”
The acid turned to fire in my belly.
Gray?
The word was soft in my mind, filled with genuine concern, distracting me for a moment. How long had it been since someone felt anything but fear and loathing for me? How long had it been since someone was sincerely interested in what worried me, in what I wanted? How long had it been since someone cared?
I do care, you know. I was told once that it’s hardwired into Beloveds and Dark Ones to be attracted to one another, but this is different. It’s not just your adorable chin, and your nipples, and your stomach, and all the other interesting parts of you, it’s… you’re filled with so much darkness, Gray. So cold and alone, and you hurt. I want to change that. I don’t want you to hurt any longer.
For one exquisitely painful moment, I let myself imagine what it would be like to allow Noelle to ease my pain, to fill me with her soft, gentle light, to warm me in the glow of her being. Her mind, I already knew, was unique, her thought processes endlessly fascinating. She would never bore me, never drive me away as mortal women had done over the centuries. I could at last experience the ecstasy so long sought by those of my kind.
And then the memories clutched at me, ripping such thoughts to shreds with little daggered fingers, tearing apart the finely spun web of illusion until I was left with nothing but despair.
No. I firmly pushed her from my mind. I enjoy the cold and darkness and pain. I am giddy with happiness to experience them every moment of my endless life. I would miss them terribly if you took them from me. Begone from my mind, woman. I have no need for your concern or your warm, gentle feelings, just as I have no need for your luscious, silky-soft body.
You are the strangest man I’ve ever met.
I am not a man. I am a Dark One. And I’m damned.
Only if you want to be. And she turned back to the others.
What the hell did that mean?
“What treasure?” the smug actor was demanding of Teresa. “Why didn’t you tell me there was a treasure? That sort of thing is hugely popular with the public. They’ll want me to find the treasure on air. Get that ghost back, and make him talk.”
Do you seriously think I want to be a vitiate?
You’re not talking to me, remember?
Do you have any idea what my life is like, being vitiated?
I would know if you were talking to me, because you’d apologize for shoving me out of your mind in such a rude and callous manner.
I am not rude and callous. I am not enjoying being a martyr, which is what you’re thinking, isn’t it? Ha! I can see you do think that!
Stop rummaging around in my mind. She cast my own words back at me, but I was too incensed to care.
I do not enjoy this! A demon lord has marked me for destruction. Every single member of his extensive legions of minions is sworn to destroy me on sight. Do you think you can live your life happily with imminent destruction at the hands of vengeful demons hanging over your head?
If you were talking to me, I would point out that I’ve mentioned repeatedly that I’m a Guardian and thus perfectly able to handle demons and even a demon lord, given enough preparation.
You’re not my Beloved. I growled, desperately praying she’d finally have enough of my boorishness and spurn me as any sane woman would do.
She sighed. If I’m not, then this won’t do a single thing for you, will it?
Before I could turn tail and run, she was there, in my arms, her warm, soft body pressed against me, her lilac scent filling my head. I had a brief glimpse of smoky gray eyes before she stroked her hands up my chest, digging her fingers into my hair and pulling my head down so she could kiss me.
Reject her! my mind demanded, even as I filled my hands with her delectable ass and hoisted her upward so she could better kiss me, angling her head just so, allowing me to take control of the kiss.
Dimly, I heard Teresa exclaim, “Noelle! What on earth are you doing?” and at the same time, the man Miles made a lewd comment.
None of that pierced beyond vague awareness; the only thing that mattered was claiming the sweetness that lay within Noelle. I nipped at her lower lip, causing her to giggle breathlessly against my mouth, her fingers tightening in my hair as she squirmed against my now painfully erect penis.
Stop that, I ordered, moaning when she parted her lips and my tongue swept into her warmth. Christos, you are so hot, so sweet.
So are you, she said, wiggling more until I hoisted her higher and she wrapped her legs around my hips.
“Noelle! Raleigh, do something!”
“What?” the cameraman asked.
“Well… I don’t know. But surely we should be doing something? I mean, that man is kissing her like there’s no tomorrow. We should stop him.”
“Noelle went to him, Teresa. I think she’s enjoying it. She’s making happy noises.”
“I am not going to stand around here wasting my time watching people snog each other,” Miles said in an aggrieved voice. “Raleigh, come with me. I will attune with the spirits in the other garden, the one with the statue.”
“Wait, guys… I can’t leave Noelle. Can I? Noelle? Are you going to be all right? Moan twice if you are not being assaulted and are OK with this stranger kissing you like there’s no tomorrow.”
Noelle moaned twice.
“Oh, hell! I don’t know what to do… dammit, wait up, Miles! I don’t want to have to try to find you in the dark…”
Teresa’s voice trailed off as Noelle’s heat sank deep into my bones, driving out the chill that had gripped me for as long as I could remember.
All coherent thought ceased when Noelle’s tongue swept alongside mine, twining around it, and when she actually began to suckle it, I thought my knees were going to buckle. I staggered over to a stone bench, sinking down gratefully onto it so I could further concentrate on kissing the very breath right out of the goddess in my arms.
Feed, Gray. Noelle gave another of those moans that had heat building in my groin. I know you want to. You’re hungry.
I can’t. My body was tight and clenched with need. I cannot bind you to me. I am vitiated.
Feed. I heard her siren’s voice as she pulled her mouth from mine, turning her head to present her neck. It will be all right. We were meant to be together.
My gut tightened as the hunger swept over me, consuming me, leaving me with little but the knowledge that I would cease to exist if I didn’t take life from her at that exact moment.
Feed, she repeated, pulling my head to her neck, and my resistance slipped away into nothing. I licked the pulse point that beat so strong just for me, my mind filled with the taste and scent and feel of her. Driven by a primal urge that wouldn’t be denied any longer, I bit the silken flesh, the taste of her driving me almost beyond what I was fast realizing was a tenuous grasp on control. I drank deeply, my body clamoring for relief, demanding that I claim her even as I took life from her.
She moved against me, her mind touching mine, wrapping around me like velvet, her pleasure at feeding me burning along my skin. Gray. She was letting me feel how aroused she was. I really think I… I had no idea… I had heard, the other Beloveds had said that feeding was an erotic act, but this… oh, dear God, Gray, I’m going to go up in flames if you don’t make love to me right now.
I was temporarily sated; the hunger had faded and left only the desperate sense of unfulfillment that only she could cure. But we were very close to Joining, and that I could not, would not, do.
Nothing in my life had ever been as hard as gently pushing her off my lap and walking away from her, away from the warmth and light and joy she represented. I knew she’d think I was a bastard, a selfish, soulless monster who used her without apology, and I was glad. Maybe now she’d realize that there was nothing in my life that she could share.
Where are you going? she asked with a touch of desperation as I strode away, a sneering Johannes following me.
I have to go kill a ghost. After that, I will leave the country.
But… without me?
The pain that always held me in its grip tightened until I couldn’t breathe. Without you.
Coward, she accused, and I knew I had at last hurt her.
If I’d had a soul, it would have wept at that moment. But I had no choice. I had to leave her in order to protect her. I was a man alone. I had no hope. No promise of relief. No salvation.
I had no future.