Chapter 24
My father had some pleasant excuses for being in the Oxford vampire collection instead of at his meeting. The meeting had been canceled, he said, shaking Stephen Barley's hand with his customary warmth. My father said he'd wandered up here to an old haunt - there he stopped, almost biting his lip, and tried again. He'd been looking for some peace and quiet (that I could easily believe). His gratitude for Stephen's presence, for Stephen's tall, blooming good health, his woolly sweatered wholesomeness, was palpable. After all, what could my father have said to me, if I'd surprised him there by myself? How could he have explained, or even casually closed, the folio under his hand? He did it now, but too late; I had already seen a chapter title stark on thick ivory paper: "Vampires de Provence et des Pyr¨¦n¨¦es."
I slept poorly that night in the canopied chintz bed at the college master's house, waking from strange dreams every few hours. Once I saw light under the door in the bathroom between my room and my father's, which reassured me. Sometimes, though, the sense of his not being asleep, of quiet activity in the room next door, dragged me suddenly from my rest. Near dawn, when a slate-colored haze was starting to show through the net curtains, I woke for the last time.
This time it was the silence that awakened me. Everything was too still: the faint outlines of trees in the courtyard (I peered around the edge of the curtains), the huge armoire next to my bed, and above all my father's room next door. It was not that I expected him to be up at this hour; if anything, he would still be sleeping - maybe snoring a little if he was lying on his back - trying to erase the cares of the day before, postponing the grueling schedule of lectures and seminars and debate that lay ahead of him. During our trips, he usually gave my door a genial tap after I'd already gotten up myself, an invitation to hurry out to meet him for a walk before breakfast.
This morning the silence oppressed me for no good reason, and I climbed down from my big bed and dressed and slung a towel over my shoulder. I would wash in the bathroom basin and listen a bit for my father's nocturnal breathing while I was at it. I knocked gently at the bathroom door to be sure he wasn't inside. The silence was even deeper once I was there in front of the mirror, drying my face. I put an ear to his door. He was certainly sleeping soundly. I knew it would be heartless to interrupt his hard-won rest, but panic had begun to creep up my legs and arms. I tapped lightly. There was no stir inside. We had for years left each other's privacy intact, but now, in that gray morning light from the bathroom window, I turned the door handle.
Inside my father's bedroom the heavy drapes were still drawn, so that it took me a few seconds to register the dim outline of furniture and pictures. The quiet made the skin quiver along the back of my neck. I took a step toward the bed, spoke to him. But up close the bed lay smooth and neat, dark in the dark room. The room was empty. I let out my indrawn breath. He had gone outside, gone walking alone, probably, needing solitude and time for reflection. But something made me switch on the light by the bed, to look around more carefully. In the circle of brightness lay a note addressed to me, and on the note rested two objects that took me by surprise: a small silver crucifix on a sturdy chain and a head of fresh garlic. The stark reality of these items made my stomach turn over even before I read my father's words.
My dear daughter: I am terribly sorry to surprise you like this, but I've been called away on some new business and didn't want to disturb you during the night. I'll be gone just a few days, I hope. I've arranged with Master James to get you safely home in the company of our young friend Stephen Barley. He has been excused from classes for two days and will see you to Amsterdam this evening. I wanted Mrs. Clay to come for you, but her sister is ailing and she has gone to Liverpool again. She'll try to join you at home tonight. In any case, you will be well cared for and I trust you will look after yourself sensibly. Don't worry about my absence. It's a confidential matter, but I'll be home as quickly as possible and will explain then. In the meantime, I ask you from the bottom of my heart to wear the crucifix at all times, and to carry some of the garlic in each of your pockets. You know I have never been one to press either religion or superstition on you, and I remain a firm unbeliever in either. But we must deal with evil on its own terms, as far as possible, and you already know the domain of those terms. I beg you from a father's heart not to disregard my wishes on this point.
It was signed with affectionate warmth, but I could see that he had written it hastily. My heart was pounding. I quickly fastened the chain around my neck and divided the garlic to put in the pockets of my dress. It was like my father, I thought, looking around the empty room, to make the bed so neatly in the middle of a silent hurry to leave the college. But why this haste? Whatever his errand was, it could not be a simple diplomatic mission, or he would have told me as much. He'd often had to respond to professional emergencies; I had known him to leave with little warning to attend a crisis on the other side of Europe, but he always told me where he was going. This time, my racing heart told me, he hadn't departed on business. Besides, he was supposed to be here in Oxford this week, giving lectures and attending meetings. He was not one to break an obligation lightly.
No. His disappearance must have some connection with the strain he'd been showing lately - I realized now that I'd feared something like this all along. Then there was that scene yesterday in the Radcliffe Camera, my father deep in - what had he been reading, exactly? And where, oh where, had he gone? Where, without me? For the first time in all the years I remembered, all the years in which my father had sheltered me from the loneliness of life with no mother, no siblings, no home country, all the years of his being both father and mother - for the first time, I felt like an orphan.
The master was very kind when I appeared with my suitcase packed and my raincoat over my arm. I explained to him that I was fully ready to travel by myself. I assured him I was grateful for his offer of a student to see me home - across the whole Channel - and that I would never forget his kindness. I felt a twinge at that, a small but distinct twang of disappointment - how pleasant it could have been to travel for a day with Stephen Barley smiling at me from the opposite train seat! But it had to be said. I would be safely home within hours, I repeated, pressing down my sudden mental picture of a red marble basin filled with melodic water, afraid this kindly smiling man might divine it in me, might see it on my face, even. I would be safely home soon and could call him if he needed extra reassurance. And then, of course, I added with still greater duplicity, my father would be home in a few days himself.
Master James was certain I was capable of traveling alone; I looked like an independent lass, to be sure. It was just that he couldn't - he turned an even gentler smile on me - he simply couldn't go back on his word to my father, an old friend. I was my father's most priceless treasure, and he couldn't ship me off without proper protection. It wouldn't be for my sake, exactly, I must realize that, but for my father's - we had to indulge him a bit. Stephen Barley materialized before I could argue more, or even fully register the idea that the master was my father's old friend when I'd believed they'd met just two days ago. But I had no time for this irregularity; Stephen was standing there looking like my old friend, in his turn, his own jacket and bag in hand, and I couldn't be completely sorry to see him. I regretted the detour it would cost me, but not as thoroughly as I should have. It was impossible for me not to welcome his practical grin, or his "Got me out of a little work, you did!"
Master James was more sober. "You're on the job yet, my lad," he told him. "I want a call from Amsterdam as soon as you're there, and I want to talk with the housekeeper. Here's money for your tickets and some meals, and you'll bring me back your receipts." His hazel eyes twinkled then. "That's not to say you can't get a little Dutch chocolate for yourself at the station. Fetch me a bar, too. It's not as good as Belgian, but it'll do. Off with you now, and use your head." Next he gave me a grave handshake and his card. "Good-bye, my dear. Come again and see us when you're thinking of university for yourself."
Outside the office, Stephen grabbed my bag for me. "Let's go, then. We've tickets for the ten-thirty, but we might as well get a head start."
The master and my father had taken care of every detail, I noted, and I wondered what extra chains I'd have to slip at home. I had other business for now, however. "Stephen?" I began.
"Oh, call me Barley." He laughed. "Everyone else calls me that, and I'm so used to it now that it gives me the creeps to hear my real name."
"All right." His smile was just as contagious today - easily as contagious.
"Barley, I - could I ask you a favor before we leave?" He nodded. "I'd just like to go into the Camera one more time. It was so beautiful, I - and I'd like to see the vampire collection. I didn't really get to look at it."
He groaned. "I could tell you like grisly stuff. Seems to run in your family."
"I know." I felt myself flushing.
"All right. Let's take a quick look again, but then we've got to run. Master James will put a stake through my heart if we miss the train."The Camera was quiet this morning, nearly empty, and we hurried up a polished staircase to the macabre niche where we'd surprised my father the day before. I swallowed a threat of tears as we entered the tiny room; hours ago, my father had been sitting here, that strangely distant look veiling his eyes, and now I didn't even know where he was.
I remembered where he'd shelved the book, though, replaced it so casually as we talked. It would be below the case with the skull, to the left. I ran a finger along the edge of the shelf. Barley stood near me (it was impossible for us not to stand close together in that tiny space, and I wished he would wander out to the balcony instead), watching with frank curiosity. Where the book should have been was a gap like a missing tooth. I froze: surely my father would never, ever steal a book, so who could have taken it? But a second later I recognized the volume a hand's length away. Someone had certainly moved it since I'd been there last. Had my father returned for a second look? Or had someone else taken it off the shelf? I glanced suspiciously at the skull in the glass case, but it gave back a bland, anatomical gaze. Then I lifted the book down, very carefully - there was the tall, bone-colored binding with a black silk ribbon protruding from the top. I laid it on the table and found the title page: Vampires du Moyen Age, Baron de Hejduke, Bucarest, 1886.
"What do you want with this morbid rubbish?" Barley was gazing over my shoulder."School paper," I mumbled. The book was divided into chapters, as I remembered: "Vampires de la Toscane," "Vampires de la Normandie," and so on. I found the right one at last: "Vampires de Provence et des Pyr¨¦n¨¦es." Oh, Lord, was my French up to this? Barley was starting to look at his watch. I ran a quick finger above the page, careful not to touch the magnificent type or ivory paper. "Vampires dans les villages de Provence - " What had my father been looking for here? He'd been poring over this first page of the chapter." 'Il y a aussi une legende¡­'" I leaned closer.Since that moment, I have known many times what I first experienced then.
Until then, my forays into written French had been purely utilitarian, the completion of almost mathematical exercises. When I comprehended a new phrase it was merely a bridge to the next exercise. Never before had I known the sudden quiver of understanding that travels from word to brain to heart, the way a new language can move, coil, swim into life under the eyes, the almost savage leap of comprehension, the instantaneous, joyful release of meaning, the way the words shed their printed bodies in a flash of heat and light. Since then I have known this moment of truth with other companions: German, Russian, Latin, Greek, and - for a brief hour - Sanskrit.
But that first time held the revelation of all the others. "'Il y a aussi une legende,'" I breathed, and Barley suddenly bent to follow the words. What he translated aloud, however, I had already taken in with a mental gasp: "'There is also a legend that Dracula, noblest and most dangerous of all vampires, attained his power not in the region of Wallachia but through a heresy in the monastery of Saint-Matthieu-des-Pyr¨¦n¨¦es-Orientales, a Benedictine house founded in the year 1000 of Our Lord.' What is this, anyway?" Barley said.
"School paper," I repeated, but our eyes met strangely over the book, and he looked as if he were seeing me for the first time. "Is your French very good?" I asked humbly.
"Of course." He smiled and bent over the page again. "'Dracula is said to visit the monastery every sixteen years to pay tribute to his origins and to renew the influences that have allowed him to live in death.'"
"Go on, please." I gripped the edge of the table.
"Certainly," he said. "'The calculations done by Brother Pierre de Provence in
the early seventeenth century indicate that Dracula visits Saint-Matthieu in the half-moon of the month of May.'"
"What is the moon now?" I gasped, but Barley didn't know either. There was no further mention of Saint-Matthieu; the remaining pages paraphrased a document from a church in Perpignan about disturbances among sheep and goats in the region in 1428; it wasn't clear whether the cleric-author blamed vampires or sheep rustlers for these problems. "Odd stuff," Barley commented. "Is this what your family reads for fun? Do you want to hear about vampires in Cyprus?"
Nothing else in the book looked relevant to my purposes, and when Barley glanced at his watch again, I turned sadly away from the enticing walls of volumes.
"Well, that was cheerful," Barley said on the way down the staircase. "You're an unusual girl, aren't you?" I couldn't tell how he meant this, but I hoped it was a compliment.
On the train, Barley entertained me with chat about his fellow students, a pageant of madcaps and scapegoats, then carried my bag onto shipboard for me above the oily gray water of the Channel. It was a bright, chill day and we settled into the vinyl seats inside, sheltered from the wind. "I don't sleep much during term," Barley informed me, and promptly dozed off with his coat rolled into a ball under one shoulder.
It was just as well for me that he slept for a couple of hours, because I had a lot to ponder, matters of a practical nature as well as a scholarly one. My immediate problem was not a question of links among historical events but of Mrs. Clay. She would be waiting all too solidly in the front hall of our house in Amsterdam, full of smothering concern for my father and me. Her presence would keep me housebound at least overnight, and if I didn't appear after school the next day, she would be on my trail like a pack of wolves, probably with half the police force of Amsterdam to keep her company. Also, there was Barley. I glanced at his sleeping face across from me; he was snoring discreetly against his jacket. Barley would be headed off to the ferry again as I left for school tomorrow, and I would have to be careful not to intercept him on the way.
Mrs. Clay was indeed home when we arrived. Barley stood with me on the doorstep while I searched for my keys; he was craning admiringly at the old mercantile houses and gleaming canals - "Excellent! And all those Rembrandt faces in the streets!" When Mrs. Clay suddenly opened the door and drew me inside, he almost didn't make it in after me. I was relieved to see his good manners take over. While the two of them disappeared into the kitchen to call Master James, I hurried upstairs, calling back that I wanted to wash my face. In fact - the thought made my heart beat with guilty rapidity - I intended to sack my father's citadel at once. I would figure out later how to deal with Mrs. Clay and Barley. Now I had to find what I felt sure must be hidden there.
Our town house, built in 1620, had three bedrooms on the second floor, narrow dark-beamed rooms that my father adored because, he said, they seemed to him still full of the hardworking and simple people who had first lived in them. His room was the largest of these, an admirable period display of Dutch furniture. He had mixed the spartan furnishings with an Ottoman carpet and bed hangings, a minor sketch by van Gogh, and twelve copper pans from a French farmhouse - these made a gallery on one wall and picked up glints of light from the canal below. I realize now what a remarkable room this was, not only for its display of eclectic tastes but also for its monastic simplicity. It did not contain a single book; those had all been relegated to the library downstairs. No clothing ever hung over the back of the seventeenth-century chair; no newspaper ever profaned the looming desk. There was no telephone and not even a clock - my father woke naturally in the early hours every morning. It was pure living space, a chamber in which to sleep, wake, and perhaps pray - although whether any prayer still occurred there I couldn't guess - as it had been when it was new. I loved the room but seldom entered it.
Now I went in as quietly as a burglar, shut the door, and opened his desk. It was a terrible feeling, like breaking the seal of a coffin, but I pressed forward, pulling everything out of the pigeonholes, rooting through the drawers but replacing each item with care as I went along - the letters from his friends, his fine pens, his monogrammed notepaper. At last my hand closed on a sealed package. I undid it shamelessly and saw a few lines inside, addressed to me and admonishing me to read the enclosed letters only in the case of my father's unexpected demise or long-term disappearance. Hadn't I seen him writing, night after night, something that he covered with one arm when I drew near? I seized the package greedily, closed the desk, and took my find to my own room, listening hard for Mrs. Clay's foot on the stairs.
The packet was full of letters, each neatly folded into an envelope and addressed to me at our home, as if he had thought he might have to mail them to me one at a time from some other location. I kept them in order - oh, I had learned things without knowing it - and carefully opened the first. It was dated six months earlier and it seemed to begin not with mere words but with a cry from the heart. "My dear daughter" - his handwriting trembled under my eyes - "If you are reading this, forgive me. I have gone to look for your mother."