Thirteen
Peter
I call Viktor again that night to discuss the latest developments. Ava is tired after the long day, and her head is full of so many things, it is impossible for me to be able to follow their twisting paths. Every time I think I know her completely, I am proved wrong. I like that.
“Did you see that coming?” I say.
“No, I did not. Tex's shock was overwhelming. Her mind is a very loud place.” I could only imagine.
“How are you coping with her emotions?”
“It is... stressful. Sometimes I wish I could go back to Russia.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No. I often wonder if it would have been like this with Adele. If her mind was such a chaotic place. I imagine it was. I wish I could have shared it with her.”
“It is a lot to get used to. Do you crave her blood?”
“Yes. It is constant. I do not know how you can feed from Ava so infrequently.”
“I have little need of it. What little she gives me is satisfying. I hope it will be that way for you.”
We have nothing to go on. I wish there was some sort of book for this, like the humans have their holy books. It appears that no noctalis ever found the need to write anything down. Most of the stories of us are passed orally, from what Viktor tells me from what he learned from other noctali. I felt the urge to write something down. To see it in print; to make it real.
“I will see you tomorrow,” I say.
“Goodnight.”
Viktor hangs up and I grab the notebook Ava keeps beside her bed, along with a pen. I turn past several lists she has made, including one with questions about being a noctalis. It makes me smile. I wish I had a mirror so I could judge if it looks right.
I find a blank sheet and tear it out, hoping she won't notice. I turn the pen in my hand, thinking of what to say. I know what I want to say, but I can't. It will end me. I can't even think about it. I switch my thoughts to something else. I write her name. Ava-Claire Sullivan. I write my name next to it, Peter Henry Mackintire.
Even slower than a human, I trace a heart around our names. Just a simple heart. Two rounded bumps and one end that is sharp like an arrow. Smooth and hard. Rough and soft. Death and life. Me and her. I wait for a second.
Ava mumbles in her sleep. I hope she is not having a nightmare. She turns on her back and her shirt rides up, exposing some skin at the base of her spine. I press the pen to her skin, making another heart, and then another. She stirs a little and I stop. She won't know they are there unless she somehow sees her back. I make dozens of them, some small, some larger. I am shocked she doesn't wake up. My hand smears some of the ink, and the hearts blend together. I stop and sit back, staring at the black ink on her pale skin. I kiss one of the hearts, tasting the pen and her skin.
I brush my thumb across the hearts. My Ava-Claire. Covered in hearts.
Ava
“You're watching me,” I say the next morning when I wake up. I had some really weird dreams, but I don't really remember them. At least I didn't have the burning one again.
“You are beautiful,” he says, as if he's commenting that it's Tuesday. I don't exactly feel beautiful first thing in the morning. I pull myself toward the bathroom, knocking into several pieces of furniture on my way.
First thing, I check my neck. It just looks like I've got a little red mark, like I bumped against something. Phew. I get in the shower and try to wake up. Peter stands at the door, which should be completely creepy, but it isn't. The door stays closed. It's also a relief to know that if I should slip and fall or have a seizure, or whatever, that he's right there to catch me. He's always there to catch me.
After my shower, he watches me walk around my room as if he only has eyes for me. It's so freaking sexy, I can't even look at him or else I'll think about jumping on him and tearing his shirt off. Too late.
“Ava,” he says as a warning.
“Sorry. I can't help it.”
“Try. Please.” Easier said than done.
We meet Helena, Tex and Viktor at the cemetery. I mention something to Mom about a shopping trip with Tex. It sounds legit.
“Hey!” Helena says, as if she's already had four cups of coffee. Except she hasn't, because she can't. So she just must be like that. All the time.
“Mmm,” Tex says, her eyes half-closed and her head on Viktor's arm. She can't really reach his shoulder. He looks down at her and moves his arm so it's around her, letting her head fall into his side. He looks a little shocked, but I see a little smile pass over his face like a cloud. He sees me and winks. I make the 'I'm watching you' motion with my fingers.
“Soooo, about yesterday. I'm really sorry I dumped all that heavy stuff on you,” Helena says.
“It's okay.” I still really haven't processed. It's like my brain is stuck or on strike or something. “We can talk about something else.”
“Unicorn,” Tex says sleepily. Viktor is now supporting most of her weight.
“Unicorns are so last year. It's all about the zombies,” Helena says.
“What?” Tex perks up.
Somehow, in all the madness, she, Tex and I start discussing the zombie apocalypse. Because it's an important thing. Much more important than planning how Helena is going to convince Di to cease her vendetta against me and let Peter and Viktor go. There will be more time for that later. The boys sit back and let us go, knowing that there's no stopping this runaway train of a conversation.
“See!” I say when Helena agrees with me about the treadmills not working.
“Whatever,” Tex says, all huffy. There is a lull and we all sit back. We humans sink to the uneven ground and the noctali follow. I have my head in Peter's lap, and Tex has her head on Viktor's shoulder. Helena has her shirt off again, but at least she's still got the bikini top on.
“What should we do now? Will you take me shopping? I haven't been real shopping in forever. I mostly buy everything online,” Helena says. She's wearing the cutest skirt with tiny pink flowers on it, and she has folded her white peasant top so it won’t wrinkle while she gets her daily sun dose. I can tell from the way they're made that they're more expensive than most of the clothes in my closet.
“You want to go shopping?” I say, just to make sure. Not that it doesn't sound like fun, but we should really be concentrating on Di.
“Yes! Please?” She claps her hands and pouts. If I didn't know she was a noctalis, I'd never know the difference. She is so human. “I know you want to deal with the Di thing, but can we do that tomorrow? I mean, I did just get here.”
“What about your parents?”
“They are busy and are going back to India in a few days. They said I could stay as long as I wanted.” She sounds like a teenager asking to stay out late at a party.
“I'm in,” Tex says. “I could sooo use some girl time.”
Helena squeals with delight. Wow, she is so human.
“What the hell?” I say. We aren’t going to get to Di today, and we need Helena to continue to want to help us. “Brunswick? I told my mom we were doing a girl thing anyway.” Perfect. I don't even have to lie.
“What about the boys?” Tex says, as if just remembering that they have to come with us. We both glance at them.
“We will be right behind you, but a suitable distance away so you can have girl time,” Peter says.
“I like this plan,” Tex says. “Sorry, dude, but I need someone who gets excited about pink to shop with.”
“I could get excited about pink,” Viktor says. Tex gives him a look. “Perhaps not.”
“Oh, yay!” Helena has enough energy for five people. Maybe she had too much blood or sun or something.
“You don't need to, um...” I still don't know what the PC way to say feed is.
“No, I'm good. I ate before I came.” Her face brightens with a smile. God, she's so perky, but not in an annoying way.
This is going to be interesting.
***
Two hours later I'm shoved into a dressing room with a baby blue dress I would never have picked out for myself. Tex and Helena joined forces and attacked me with it. I couldn't really say no to Helena.
“Put it on,” she says, a hint of whine in her voice. She sounds just like Tex when she begged to meet Viktor.
I slip the dress on over my head and turn around in the mirror. It's true, the lighting makes me look like a washed-out alien with my big eyes, but the dress is a nice color. It also makes my boobs look fantastic. It's sort of a ’50s style, with a tight, high-cut top and a skirt that flares out and hits around my knees.
“I know you've got it on, come out and give us a twirl,” Helena says. God, she's worse than Tex, and I didn't think that was possible.
I open the door and emerge in the dress. Tex and Helena share a look.
“I'm amazing,” Helena says, sighing.
“Way to go, girl.” Tex gives Helena an air high-five, since they can't touch skin. “You are so getting it.”
I peer down at the price tag, and my eyes pop. Oh hell, no. “Yeah, that's not gonna happen,” I say, turning back and forth in the 360-degree mirror. It is a really pretty dress. Mom would love it.
“I've got it covered,” Helena says, pulling a number of cards from out of nowhere. “Pick a card, any card.” She fans them out in front of my face. I'm conflicted. On one hand, I really want the dress. On the other, those cards were probably obtained not-so legally and I shouldn't participate in that kind of thing.
“Come on, be bad. I can tell you're the kind of girl who follows the rules.”
“She is,” Tex says, rolling her eyes. They're egging me on, but I don't want to be called a wuss. I pick the prettiest card, which is from a lingerie shop and hand it to Tex.
“I'll be right out,” I say, turning around and going back into the dressing room to take off my new dress. Peter is going to love it.
***
“So how old are you?” Tex asks Helena as we two humans eat lunch and she watches us. I have gotten used to the non-blinking nature of the noctalis, but Helena is so human-seeming it is odd when she doesn’t blink and stays so still.
“I was fifteen when I changed. My birthday is June 16, so you should totally get me a present.”
“How do you remember that?” I say. She blinks.
“I don't know. I remember a lot of things from my human life.”
“Where are you from? You don't have an accent,” I say. I am wary of noctali with accents after the whole Cal situation.
“Yes, I do. I just choose not to use it,” she says, switching to her Greek accent.
“I have an infatuation with the American lifestyle, so I emulate it,” she says, switching back. They're really good at that. She is both the weirdest and most-human noctalis I have ever met.
“I know,” she says, as if responding to my thoughts. I give her a look and she giggles. “I'm good at reading faces. Something my parents taught me. You're an easy one to read.”
“So I've been told,” I say dryly. Does everyone have to point that out?
“It means your spirit is pure, and that's a good thing,” Helena says.
“I've been told that before, too.” I look down at my nachos, thinking about Peter. He and Viktor are somewhere in the mall, but I can't tell exactly where. He's close enough that I'm only a little uncomfortable, but far enough that I can't pinpoint his location.
“Where are they?” Tex keeps looking around, hoping to see them. She wants girl time, but doesn’t know what being away from Viktor will do to her.
Peter tugs at our connection, and I point.
“They're that way,” I say, getting up and tossing my trash. I'm itching to see Peter, and he's itching to see me. He was blocking me, but he's not anymore. I walk faster, Tex and Helena on my heels. Actually, I can see Helena gliding along behind me as if she was raised on a runway.
I walk faster, almost running to get to him. It's only when I reconnect with him that I realize that missing him is like missing one of my limbs. Or all of them.
I see him outside of Sears. We finally meet, and I throw my body upward and press my lips to his. He opens his mouth and lets me kiss and devour him, and he gives it right back to me. Everything else around us melts and it's just the two of us. We haven't kissed like this in public. I'm always too scared. I don't know what makes me do it, but I'm really glad once he starts kissing me back.
Finally, he pulls away. “What was that for?”
“I bought a new dress,” I blurt out.
Peter smiles, and I have to fight the urge to smother it with another kiss. I realize my feet aren't touching the ground. He's got me around the waist, and our faces are almost level.
“So this is what it's like to be tall,” I say as he slowly sets me on my feet again.
“Jesus, get a room,” Tex says, but her left side is glued to Viktor. Yeah, exactly.
“I think it's beautiful,” Helena says, with a dreamy sigh. “I'm jealous.” How is that possible? People are nearly running into walls trying to get a better look at her. I can’t tell if it's the hair or her bubbly energy, but there's something about her. She's like Prozac packaged in a cute girl. Noctalis. No wonder Di fell for her.
***
“How was your shopping trip?” Mom says as I walk through the door. I asked Peter to come in, but he doesn't want to wear out his welcome with Dad, even though Dad has been nice to him lately. I wasn't going to hold my breath or make any sudden movements to kill all the progress we already made.
“Got a new dress,” I say, because I can't really hide it. I ripped the tag off so she wouldn't see how much it was. There is no way my part-time job could pay for such an extravagance. I pull it out and hold it up. She gasps and touches the fabric.
“It's gorgeous. You'll look like something out of the movies. Wow, Ava-Claire. It doesn't look like something you'd pick out.”
“Peter picked it out,” I say because it's way easier than explaining the insanity that was today.
“He has good taste.”
“Who does?” Dad emerges from his office and he's looking tired again. I smell the residue from a cigarette he had a few hours ago.
“Peter. He picked out this dress.”
“Nice,” he says with a small smile. He's stressed out today, I can tell. “I'm going to pick up take-out. I got you eggplant parmesan, because I know you don't want the lasagna because it has meat in it. Is that okay?”
I give him a hug for remembering. “Yeah, that's fine.”
He gives me a tight smile and gives Mom a peck on the cheek. Mom holds the dress up to me, squinting as if trying to picture me in it.
“Go put it on,” she says, shoving it at me.
“How much did you spend on that?” Dad says as he's heading out the door. Great, I can't even buy a dress anymore.
“It was on sale.”
He grunts and shuts the door. So much for progress. I sigh and Mom gives me a look. I don't like that look. It's the Mom look. I clutch the dress to my chest, as if it can protect me.
“Baby, we need to talk.” Uh oh. I'm not trying the dress on anytime soon.
“Okay,” I say because I can't really say no to her. She has a limited amount of time to impart her wisdom. A lump forms in my throat as we walk to the couch. I fold the dress over the edge. So much for that.
“I'm not going to beat around the bush. You and your father need to start getting along.” I open my mouth to say something, but she puts up her hand to stop me. Shut up, Ava. “I'm not saying that it's your fault. Both of you are having a hard time and it shows, but I can't leave this world without knowing that the two of you will take care of each other and get along. I need to know that you can function without me.”
The truth is, we can't. We aren't going to function without her. She has to know that on some level. She can hope, but the truth is that things are going to go downhill. We may be okay right now, but we are walking on thin ice. Even if I become immortal and start a life with Peter, I can't abandon my dad. She's right. I could try harder. I could not fight with him so much. I wish I could blame it on the Claiming, my angry episodes and the fact that I want to suck his blood most of the time I'm around him, but I can't.
I'm a terrible daughter.
I start to cry, and Mom pulls me into her arms.
“It's okay, baby. There is always a new tomorrow. It's always darkest before the dawn, right?” I nod my head as she holds me. Her scent has changed again, and I can tell she is getting closer. I hold her as tight as I can.
“See? It'll be okay. The reason you and Sam butt heads is because you're so alike.” I don’t agree with her there, but I wasn't going to argue. “You're both very stubborn and have a hard time admitting you're wrong.”
Yes, those things are both true. Still, that doesn’t mean we can get along. I'll have to make a better effort on top of everything else, but I'm going to do it, because I can do it for her.
“Just remember that I love you, and even if I'm not here, my love is. Right here,” she says, touching my heart. I would carry her there. Even if my heart stops beating.