Winters Thaw

chapter Five


Sienna glanced out her window, studying the moonless night sky. A week had passed since Thanksgiving, and she’d taken the coward’s way out. She’d holed up in her bedroom every night after work rather than risk seeing Daniel, too afraid of succumbing to the temptation he provided.

She’d given seven years of her life to Josh. Wrapped her world around him, and it wasn’t easy to let go of that. Despite how much Josh’s need for a break hurt, there were still too many good years—memories—to mourn. When she added the recollection of Daniel’s amazing kisses to her mixed-up thoughts, it felt like she was on system overload.

Her family was worried about her sudden retreat, though they’d allowed her the space. Mom brought her dinner on a tray each night, offering a soft kiss on the brow and her assurance that things would get better. Doug usually kept her company for an hour or so before his bedtime, filling her in on his school day and his rodeo lessons with Daniel. Even her dad had stopped by two nights ago to check on her and to tell her he loved her. His sweet words had been her undoing and she’d curled into his arms and cried out all her pain against her daddy’s strong chest.

Despite the love and support of her family, Sienna still struggled to pull herself out of her funk.

“Knock knock.”

Sienna spotted her grandmother at the door. “Hey, Vivi.”

“Thought I’d check to make sure you still live here. The house isn’t nearly as nice since you went into hiding.” Vivi planted herself on the bed, patting the mattress to encourage Sienna to sit next to her.

“I’m not hiding.” It was a lie, but Sienna felt compelled to tell it anyway.

“Of course you are. But that’s all right. I suspect you needed a wee respite from real life. You ready to come back yet?”

Sienna felt like she should protest, but unfortunately there was too much truth in her grandmother’s observation. She sank down next to her grandmother. “I don’t have a clue what I’m supposed to do next.”

Vivi nodded. “I’m sure you don’t. And I’m glad.”

“Glad? Why?”

“Because for the first time in your life, you’re facing an uncertain future. That’s not a bad thing, Sienna. In fact, it’s perfectly normal. I think of all my granddaughters, I’ve always worried about you the most.”

“You must be kidding. What about Jade’s recklessness or Hope’s shyness? God, Vivi, Sterling is so damn impulsive, you never know what she’s going to do next.”

“And yet, they’ll all be fine because they’ve learned to roll with the punches. They’ve taken risks in their lives and they’ve survived the fallout. You’re twenty-two, Sienna, and you’ve never suffered a broken heart until this moment. You’ve never faced any true adversity or trouble. You set your course at a very young age and you marched toward it without a single misstep.”

Sienna grimaced. “You don’t think Josh was a misstep?”

“Do you?”

Did she? Even though she was hurt and pissed as hell, she worried about the small part of her she knew would take him back if he called tomorrow to say he’d changed his mind. She hated that part. It made her feel cowardly, weak, shallow.

“So what do I do now?”

Vivi took her hand and squeezed it. “That’s yours to figure out.”

Sienna closed her eyes. “That’s your advice. Figure it out?”

Vivi pressed her forehead to Sienna’s. “You expected something wiser?”

“Uh, yeah. Jeez, Vivi, you’re nearly seventy. Surely you’ve learned something in all that time that could help me.”

“Maybe I have. Did I ever tell you about the night I met your Granddaddy JD?”

Sienna shook her head. “No. I don’t think so.”

“We met at a barn dance over in Clarke. That’s where I’m originally from. JD was in town visiting a neighbor of mine for a few days. I swear the second he walked into the barn, every woman’s head turned to stare at him. JD was handsome as the devil, with jet-black hair and eyes as dark as midnight in the mountains.”

Sienna had seen pictures of her grandfather. Vivi’s description was accurate. “He was totally dime.”

Vivi laughed. “You girls and your funny words for things. I can remember when Jody used to say Seth was a hottie. I assume dime means he was good-looking?”

Sienna nodded, her grin growing wider. “Yeah. But don’t ask me why.”

“It wasn’t just JD’s appearance that caught my eye. It was the way he held himself.”

“I guess so. He was huge.” Sienna could recall her mom referring to JD as a gentle giant.

“That’s not exactly what I mean. Sure, you would expect such a tall, broad-shouldered man to make an impact when he entered a room, but it was even more than his size. It was his personality, Sienna. JD was a commanding presence.”

“He sounds really cool. And a little bit scary.”

“That’s a perfect description of how I felt when I saw him. I was attending the dance with my beau, Charles.”

“I didn’t realize you had a boyfriend when you met Granddaddy.”

Vivi nodded. “Oh yes. Charles and I had dated for well over a year, and I doubt there was anyone in Clarke who wasn’t expecting wedding bells in our future. Charles had dropped hints about us getting married and, at the time, I’d been pretty sure that was what I wanted too.”

“Granddaddy JD changed your mind?”

Vivi seemed to relive the memory as she told Sienna the story. “He did indeed. JD’s gaze took in the barn, studying every person there, but he stopped when he saw me. It’s a cliché, but the moment his eyes captured mine, it was as if time stood still.”

Sienna sighed. “Sounds romantic.”

“It was. He walked straight over to me, never taking the time to notice that Charles was standing right beside me. He said, ‘My name is JD Compton. Would you care to dance?’”

“And you said yes.”

“Of course I didn’t. I informed him I was Vicky Murphy and that I was attending the party with my boyfriend, Charles. Then I suggested that he find someone else to dance with.”

Sienna’s eyes widened. “What did Granddaddy say to that?”

“He bowed slightly and apologized. While his words were nothing but courteous, I knew I was still in trouble.”

“Why?”

“Because JD gave me this infuriating, meaningful smile that let me know he had not been deterred.”

“And obviously he wasn’t. So what happened then?” Sienna asked.

“Charles and I danced together a few times, but my gaze kept drifting to JD. It didn’t seem to matter where he was in the room, my eyes followed. He asked a couple different girls to dance and I tried to ignore the jealousy that ran through me when he smiled at them, making polite conversation. After a little while, Charles went outside for a smoke. The band played a faster song and a conga line formed. I hopped in, grabbing the waist of my cousin, Shirley. A few seconds later, a pair of hands touched me. It was like I’d been struck by lightning. I didn’t have to turn around to realize whose hands they were.”

“JD’s.”

Vivi nodded. “The train grew longer with people laughing as they moved around the room. Unfortunately, Shirley took one turn a bit too sharply and I lost my footing. JD’s grip tightened, preventing me from falling. I stepped away from the train and JD joined me, his arm still wrapped around my waist. He leaned close and said, ‘I’ve got you, Vicky Murphy. I won’t let you fall.’”

Sienna pulled her pillow to her chest. “That’s so sweet.”

“And such a lie,” Vivi said with a grin.

“What? Why?”

“Because I did fall. Right at that moment. And JD did nothing to prevent it. Just let me tumble head over heels in love with him.”

“What about Charles?”

Vivi’s attention turned back to Sienna, her eyes suddenly serious and sad. “I was a bit stubborn in those days and set in my ways.”

“In those days?” Sienna teased.

Vivi playfully tugged Sienna’s hair. “Very funny, Miss Pot. Meet Miss Kettle. You do realize you get your stubbornness from me.”

“Mom says I get it from my dad.”

“And where do you think Seth got it?”

They laughed together.

“Can I continue with my story?” Vivi asked.

Sienna gestured for her to go ahead.

“Regardless of what my heart knew to be true about JD Compton, my head wasn’t going down without a fight. It’s funny how we can trick ourselves into thinking we’re perfectly content, simply because it’s easier than taking a chance on finding true, genuine happiness.”

Sienna suddenly understood the point of Vivi’s story. “You think I was settling with Josh?”

Vivi shook her head. “I can’t answer that question. Only you can see what’s in your heart.”

“What if Josh is the one who’ll make me happy? What if I let him go and I never find anyone who makes me feel the way he did? I mean, he hasn’t always been an idiot.”

Vivi didn’t laugh at her joke. “No. He hasn’t. And I’m not sure he’s being one now. He’s been quite honest with you when you think about it. He’s confused about where he’s going. Rather than lie or cheat on you, he came to you and asked for time. That couldn’t have been an easy thing for him because he does care about you. And let’s face it, my dear, you tend to hold the upper hand in that relationship.”

“I do not.”

Vivi rolled her eyes. “Sienna Compton. You have too much of your mother’s blood running through your veins to ever play the meek woman. For seven years, you’ve made the decisions and Josh, God bless his patient heart, has been willing to follow your lead.”

“Daniel kissed me. Twice.” Sienna wasn’t sure why the words fell out at that particular moment, but she felt like she needed to come clean to someone.

“I see. And?”

“And I liked it. A lot.”

“But?” Vivi prodded.

“But I’m scared. I’ve never been with anyone except Josh. We’re comfortable and life is so easy when we’re together. I don’t know anything about Daniel Lennon.”

“You know you like the way he kisses.”

Sienna frowned. “He has no plans for the future. He’s drifting from day to day with only one goal. To be happy.”

“Sounds like something we should all aim for.”

“But what about his family? And who knows where he intends to settle down. If he intends to settle. I mean, for God’s sake, his house has wheels. That doesn’t seem like someone who’d be content to live in Podunk Compton Pass forever. And regardless of how screwed up the rest of my life may be, I’d never be happy anywhere but here.”

Vivi shook her head. “Don’t you think you’re jumping the gun?”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve leapt from a man kissing you to planning out the rest of your lives together and worrying about whether or not it’ll work.”

Sienna sighed. “Crap. You’re right. Why do I always do that?”

“Apparently you’re asking for advice, so here it is. There’s nothing wrong with having goals and plans, but life is much more fun when you take chances as well. Try to live in the moment for a little while, Sienna. Take each day as it comes without worrying about tomorrow. Can you do that?”

Could she? Sienna honestly wasn’t sure, but she was willing to give it a try. “Okay. I guess so.”

“Good,” Vivi rose, walking to the doorway. “Oh, and Sienna, no more hiding. Life is happening out there, not in here.”

Vivi left, and Sienna realized her grandmother hadn’t finished her story. What happened to Charles? How did Granddaddy JD finally convince her to take a chance with him?

Sienna started to follow her grandmother to ask, but pulled up short when she caught sight of herself in the mirror. Her hair was tied together in a messy ponytail and her eyes were puffy from too many nights of crying.

Time to get yourself together, Sienna.

What do you want?

Only one thing popped into her mind.

Daniel.

Sienna opened her dresser drawer, rummaging through the panties and bras until she found what she sought. Tugging the tags off a new, sexy nightie, she held it up in front of her. She’d bought it for herself last Christmas, but she’d never worn it. Never found an occasion special enough to share it with Josh. God, had she really been unhappy for so long?

Sienna removed the rubber band, letting her hair fall loose around her shoulders. Bending forward, she ran her hands over her face as a new plan fell into place. In theory, it was simple.

In reality…

Jesus. She tried to summon her nerve when she considered what she planned to do. When that failed, she called the queen of impulsiveness, Sterling.

Sterling’s face appeared on her phone. It was only when she noticed Sterling was in her sleep shirt, sitting on her bed, that Sienna realized how late it was.

“What’s up, See?”

“Sorry. Did I wake you?”

Sterling shook her head. She still lived with Uncle Sam and Aunt Cindi in their little cottage through the woods. The path between Sienna and Sterling’s homes, as well as the one that led to Hope’s house, was well-worn. One of the nicest things about living at Compass Ranch was how close she was to her cousins. They were her best friends, and she couldn’t image how different her life would have been without them in it.

“I need help.”

Sterling sighed softly. “Are you still upset about Josh? Because if so, you should call Hope to talk about it. She’s more forgiving than me. Right now, I’d like to punch him in the face for being such a shithead.”

Sienna grinned. Sterling and Jade always had her back. It was a nice feeling. “I don’t want to talk about Josh. It’s Daniel.”

Sterling’s eyes widened, interest dawning. “What about him?”

“I’m planning to sleep with him, but I don’t know how to initiate it. I mean, short of walking to his RV and stripping off all my clothes.”

Sterling’s mouth fell open. Sienna wasn’t sure she’d ever seen anyone actually gape until that moment. Part of her was pleased she’d been able to shock her unshakable cousin.

Then Sterling went into motion. “Conference call.”

Sienna shook her head, but it was too late. She could see Sterling plugging in Jade and Hope’s phone numbers.

Dammit. She’d hoped she and Sterling could keep this conversation between them. Then she heard her mother’s voice in her mind. Jody often mourned for the good old days when phone calls were just between two people and you couldn’t see who you were talking to. Her mother was always one of the last holdouts whenever it came to technology.

In the meantime, Sienna and her cousins had begged their parents to buy them the latest and greatest each and every time a new phone came on the market. Usually Sienna loved the ability to talk to—and see—all of her cousins at once. This was especially true during the years Sienna was away at college. She’d missed her cousins so much those four years. Being able to see their faces and hear their voices over the video phone never failed to chase away her homesickness.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t one of those times. Hope’s face appeared first. Like Sterling, she was dressed for bed, sitting propped up against pillows. No doubt she’d been reading some juicy romance novel on her ereader. “Everything okay?”

Sterling nodded. “Yeah. We’re just waiting for Jade to pick—”

Jade’s face appeared. The four of them each graced a corner of the flat phone screen. Unlike Sterling and Hope, Jade was clearly out and about rather than in bed.

“What’s wrong?” Jade asked. Sienna heard someone in the background ask for another beer. Jade turned away from the screen for a moment and told the guy he’d had enough and she was cutting him off for the night. Then she yelled over her shoulder, “Bruce. I’m taking a smoke break.”

Jade didn’t appear to wait for permission. Instead, the background changed as they watched her leave the crowded bar and head for the back door.

“You don’t smoke,” Hope pointed out.

“So what? It didn’t take me too long working here to figure out the waitresses and Bruce were getting more breaks than me just because they’re all chain smokers. F*ck that shit. Told Bruce it wasn’t fair and that I’d be taking smoke breaks too.”

Sienna laughed. “What did he say to that?”

“What could he say? I’m right and he knows it.”

And if Bruce didn’t realize it at first, Sienna had no doubt Jade drove the point home relentlessly until the man gave in simply to shut her up.

Jade had clearly made it to the back parking lot as Sienna spotted several cars in the background. “Listen, as much as I’d love to have one of our virtual slumber parties, I’m going to have to go back in soon. So cut to the chase. What’s wrong?”

Growing up, Jade had felt like odd girl out because she didn’t live on the ranch. In order to keep her in the group, they’d started holding weekly virtual slumber parties—sometimes with their parents’ knowledge, sometimes without. They’d crawl into their own beds, then fire up the conference call, giggling and whispering until the wee hours.

“Sienna’s going to sleep with Daniel.”

Sienna winced at Sterling’s abrupt announcement. “Actually, I was only thinking about it. I’m not sure that I’m going—”

Jade rolled her eyes. “Dear God. Please stop thinking. I swear I’ll hang up right now if you tell me this is just another Sienna should I, shouldn’t I gab-fest.”

Once again, Sterling answered for her. “It’s not. She’s going to do it.”

Hope smiled. “I think that’s awesome. Daniel is gorgeous and funny and smart and so nice to your brothers.”

Hope’s list went a long way to easing her fears, but deep inside, Sienna still wasn’t sure she had the nerve to go through with it.

“Great, Hope,” Jade interrupted. “But FYI, none of that matters. This is just sex, right, Sienna?”

Sienna nodded quickly. That was the only part of this whole crazy scheme she was certain of. She’d just gotten out of a long-term relationship, if Sienna could call her “break” from Josh getting out. In reality, she wasn’t sure she was out at all. She and Josh had dodged the conversation at Thanksgiving, settling nothing.

The only thing she knew for sure was she wanted to have sex with Daniel. Her heart wasn’t ready to jump into anything else, but her body, well, that was a different story. Daniel had uncovered her previously undiscovered libido and, since she was a free woman, she didn’t see any harm in exploring the uncharted territory. “It’s just sex.”

“Well, then the answer is simple. Shower, shave, makeup, lingerie.” Jade consulted the time on the phone. “It’s almost eleven now. You can be at his RV by midnight.”

“Tonight? Oh no. I wasn’t even considering—”

“It has to be tonight, Sienna.” Sterling’s assurance took her aback.

“Why?”

Hope smiled sympathetically. “Because we know you. If you don’t go now, you’ll lay awake all night making a list of reasons why you shouldn’t. And then tomorrow…”

Hope shrugged, letting Sienna fill in the unspoken you won’t go.

She started to argue, promise them she’d follow through with the plan later, but they were right. The words died on her lips.

Vivi’s advice drifted through her mind.

Live in the moment.

Sterling piped in with her own advice. “And don’t get nervous and start babbling.”

“I don’t do that,” Sienna protested.

Hope giggled. “Remember your college graduation party when Uncle Seth suggested that you say something to everyone?”

Sienna tilted her head haughtily. “I hate public speaking.”

Jade laughed as well. “It was just family and a few close friends from town. I’d hardly call that public.”

“There were nearly sixty people there and they were all looking at me,” Sienna clarified.

“And you rambled for close to twenty minutes, thanking basically every single person you’d ever met in your life as well as the guy who delivered the booze.” Sterling shook her head. “When you get anxious, inane words fly out in a steady stream.”

“Fine, I’ll keep my mouth shut.”

“Um, Jade,” Sterling said suddenly.

Jade was standing with her back to the parking lot. Hope’s eyes went wide as Sienna grinned. “Yeah?”

“Don’t turn around,” Sterling instructed.

If there was one thing they all knew about Jade, it was that they should never tell her not to do something. To do so was the equivalent of a dare and Sterling knew it.

Jade glanced over her shoulder just in time to spot crazy Stanley’s bare ass as he mooned her.

“What the f*ck are you doing?” Jade yelled as Sienna, Hope and Sterling burst into loud laughter.

Stanley turned around before he hitched his pants back up, treating them all to more than an eyeful of his shriveled penis. “Serves you right for not getting me another drink, Jade Compton.”

Jade appeared to forget she was on the phone as her face disappeared from her portion of the screen. The rest of them were treated to fleeting glimpses of cars, the bar, bits of Jade and Stanley as she shook the phone at him. Sienna felt faintly motion sick watching it.

“You get your hairy ass and tiny dick out of here before I call my dad and have him arrest you for indecent exposure, you f*cking pervert!” Jade yelled.

Stanley must have taken her threat to heart as Jade’s face reappeared on the screen.

“Thanks a lot, Sterling. Now I’ll have to scratch my eyes out to try to get that image out of my mind.”

Sterling showed no remorse, her smiling face far too delighted. “Hey, I saw it too.”

“Bitch. I have to get back inside. Go over to Daniel’s tonight, Sienna. Get laid. Then call me tomorrow with the details.” Jade’s screen went black before any of them could say goodbye.

Hope tried to stifle a yawn. “I need to go too. Good luck, Sienna.”

“Thanks.” Sienna glanced at Sterling.

“So. Shower, shave, makeup, lingerie and shut up. Anything else?”

Sterling smiled. “Just let go, Sienna, and enjoy the moment. That’s really all there is to it.”