A bare-knuckled blow caught him on the sweet spot. His vision fleetingly tunneled as brilliant white dots exploded before his eyes. As he refocused, the taste of blood flooded his mouth. Goddammit. Snarling, he drew his arm back, ready to deliver another fist to his friend’s face. Arms grabbed him around the torso and hauled him to his feet. Mac whipped around and came damn close to decking his other friend, Dante, but the expression on the man’s face froze him in place—disgusted horror.
“What the fuck, Mac?” Dante asked, who’d apparently just walked into the gym, since he was still in jeans and a T-shirt. He gave a sideways glance at Mac, then sidestepped him and offered a hand to Tommy, who took it, rubbing his jaw. “You okay, buddy?”
“Yeah.” The fighter glared at Mac. “That was not cool, dude.”
The first threads of mortification shot through Mac. What the hell had gotten into him? Even Lance hadn’t provoked Mac into actually taking a swing at him, even with all the shit he’d said while he was in Kansas. He’d come damn close, but had never followed through. Tommy hadn’t even done anything.
He had picked this fight because he was desperate not to think about Gayle.
“Fuck, Tommy.” He fisted a handful of hair at the front of his head in self-loathing. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, you get to explain to Julie about the cheap shot you just took. You think I’m bad, she’d going to have your ass, man.”
Yeah, Tommy’s fiancée would have his ass, and he deserved it.
Dante studied him. “Dude, you’ve been stalking around here like a jacked-up tiger since you got back. It’s time to talk. This shit cannot be going on in here.”
“I know.” As the adrenaline fled, a dull ache lingered in Mac’s temples. He rubbed his forehead. A bare-knuckled punch would do that. Thank God, he’d had on open-palmed gloves when he’d hit Tommy.
“Come on, you two,” Dante said. “Mike’s across town in a meeting. Let’s all go to his office.”
As soon as Tommy closed the door behind them and they’d sat down, Mac started talking. Told them everything. Losing Ally, the baby. Why he stopped cooking, why he’d moved to Atlanta, why he’d started fighting, why he’d gone back to Kansas. Meeting Gayle. What she did, how she’d gotten hurt, and finally about him leaving her.
Dante stared at him, aghast. “You left her in the hospital?”
“Don’t think for a second I’m proud of that moment. I’m not.” He blinked against the pulse behind his eyes.
Tommy shook his head. “You do understand you don’t have any control over stuff like this, right?”
“Yeah, I know that. That’s the thing. I worry about the stuff I can’t control. Big-time. But she chases tornadoes willingly. She puts herself at risk every time she does it, even knowing she has zero control over anything, ever. How am I supposed to be okay with that?”
Dante shifted on the edge of the desk. “Caitlyn had a huge issue with me being a fighter, but she realized she loved me more than what I did for a living. We just found out we’re pregnant. I can’t imagine my life without her and the family we’re going to have. She feels the same way, and now she feels foolish over how she balked at my career. Maybe one day you can change your feelings about what Gayle does.”
“You’re comparing a kitten to a damn lion, Dante. There have only been two documented deaths in regulated MMA. What Gayle does can be seriously life-ending. Tornadoes take way too many lives each year. I know this. I’ve experienced this.”
Dante exhaled harshly. “I’m just saying, one day you may wish you had taken any time with her, rather than none at all. Everyone takes a chance when we fall in love. Caitlyn is my whole life, just as Julie is Tommy’s. Neither one of us has lived through the tragedy you have, thank God. I can’t even begin to fathom how something like that would change me when Caitlyn is in every thought I have of the future.”
“I can’t. I just can’t.”
Dante leaned forward. “Here’s the thing, Mac, you didn’t think you would have a second chance at love, and you still found it. Would you rather be alone knowing the woman you love is out there, one day learning she died and realizing you’ll never, ever, be able to be with her, or would you rather take what you are given, which could possibly be forty years or more, and just enjoy being with her as long as you can?”
Mac stared ahead. He got Dante’s meaning. He really did. The rational side of his brain saw completely what he was saying. The irrational side however, didn’t. “But I have lived through losing a woman I loved. Had to learn how to wake up every day to the empty spot beside me. Her laughter gone. Live with the emptiness she left behind. I didn’t recover until I met Gayle. If she were ever taken from me, I would never recover. Not this time. So, I feel like it’s better to save us both a lot of heartache. Besides, she would grow to hate me. After her getting hurt like she did, I would never feel safe with her out there chasing. It would be a constant source of friction between us.”
Tommy and Dante exchanged glances. “It’s your life, man. We can’t make you do anything. Just know that life sucks, going at it alone. Especially when you have a woman out there who loves you.”
Who said she loved him?