All the good she did while racing after those storms didn’t matter one fucking bit to him. The only thing that mattered to him was her safety. He couldn’t help the resentment that she was about to put her life on the line again when she didn’t need to. Understanding there was nothing he could do to stop her only increased the bitterness and frustration.
The thing was, those were his issues to get over, because he’d never try to stop her.
Storm chasing was what Gayle was. Who she was. If he couldn’t accept that side of her, he didn’t deserve her. So, as much as he wanted to yank out the suitcase she’d shoved into the SUV and toss it on the lawn, he forced himself to pick up a toiletry bag and help her.
She brushed her hands on her jeans and started toward him. “We’re ready to hit the road.”
A lump of panic threatened to choke him, but he swallowed it back. Would he always feel like this when she left, or was it because this was the first time? Would it become something he got used to?
He hated how he felt right now. Hated it. “Be careful.”
She stopped in front of him, shoving her hands in the back pockets of her jean shorts. “Always.”
He wrapped his arms around her waist, linking his fingers at her lower back as she looped hers around his neck.
“I’ll be careful, Mac,” she said with more fierceness. “I promise.”
Pulling her close, he hugged her tight, not wanting to let go. At one time, in his na?veté, he’d once believed himself invincible. That he and his wife would have a family, grow old together, and have a plethora of grandkids to spoil. The universe had given him one hell of a reality check.
Everything could change in an instant. He’d learned that with a woman who hadn’t taken risks with her life. How was he supposed to let Gayle go, knowing the immense risks she took? That she was willingly putting her future—their future—in such danger?
He squeezed her hard, feeling torn. She wasn’t a daredevil. She might go after these monsters, but she did it to save people, just like the brave men and women in law enforcement and the military. He had to be strong for her, just as their loved ones were.
He loosened his grip, and she lifted her head, leaning back. “Are you going to be okay?”
As always, she was worried for him.
He brushed back her hair. “I’m going to worry. No reason to pretend I won’t, but I’ll keep myself busy. So, don’t give me another thought. You just stay focused on what you’re out there to do.”
Please.
The idea that her concern for him could distract her into making a dumb and deadly decision shot another stomach-twisting jolt of anxiety through him.
She tugged his head down and kissed him hard on the mouth. “When I get back, I’m going to turn all that focus on you, so you’ll know how focused I can be,” she whispered against his lips.
Despite his fears, a smile pulled at his mouth. “Then you better focus real hard, woman.”
Laughing softly, she pulled out of his embrace and climbed into the car. She rolled the window down. “I’ll call you.”
“I won’t call you.” Surprised hurt flashed through her eyes, so he quickly added, “Wouldn’t want to interrupt you during a crucial moment.”
The tension left her muscles and the carefree Gayle returned. Her eyes slowly ran over the length of his body. “One of my many talents is multi-tasking, handsome. I’ll be sure to make that clear in a few days.”
Rick put the SUV in reverse, and right before they zoomed off to go after their storm she gave Mac one of her filled-with-suggestion winks. Then they were gone.
He stared at the empty driveway, dread weighing heavy on his shoulders. This was it. Either they were going to get through this ordeal, or it would end them. The final square-off with his inner demons was at hand.
Gayle settled back against the seat and rubbed her forehead. Tension crept back into her as she let out a tired breath. Mac had let her leave without laying on a guilt trip. Why did that fill her with both happiness and trepidation?
As she’d packed up the car, she’d been aware of his anxiety. Knew he’d wanted to beg her to stay. But he hadn’t. He’d kept his fears to himself, and she had to give him credit for that. He really did want this relationship to work between them. And in just a few short days, they’d both know if a future for them was possible.
The outcome terrified the hell out of her. She didn’t want to lose him. At this point, the odds of him leaving her were just as great as the odds of him staying. If this whole situation had been a storm she was tracking, she would have backed off for sure because of the extreme unpredictability.
Safety first. Protect herself, always. She hadn’t followed those rules with Mac. Now she was in danger of one hell of a hurting.
“What are you thinking?” Rick asked, breaking the heavy silence.
“That I might have just kissed Mac for the last time.”
Rick sighed, shaking his head. “You’ve seriously got to let go of the past, Gayle. Mac’s not Mark or Brian.”
“No, he’s not. He lost his wife and unborn child to the very thing I chase for a living. That’s a pretty big hurdle to jump.”