“Just a few weeks ago you made it extremely clear to me that this relationship is temporary, and you aren’t looking for anything more. I thought we agreed that’s what we both want. Has that changed?”
She held her breath. Why she wanted him to say it had changed was beyond her. The odds were stacked against them in every possible way, even if they attempted to make a go of…more.
He turned and regarded her seriously. “Honestly, I can’t answer that yet. But I can tell you for the first time in four years, I’m thinking of a future—with you, Gayle.”
She swallowed hard, her head warring with her heart. Her head won.
“How could it ever work between us, Mac? I’m not going to give up storm chasing. How could I ask you to live with my job when I know exactly how you’d feel every time I leave to go after a promising system? On top of that, I won’t move away from Kansas. My life’s work is here, which means you would have to come back here to live. What about your career? You would have to completely uproot yourself. Again.”
He made a growling noise in his throat and looked away.
She peered at him for a long moment. “Seriously, can you see yourself accepting any of that? Truly accepting it?”
He turned to regard her. “I can train anywhere, Gayle. As for the rest of it, I’ve thought about all of that. Trust me, I’ve been thinking of nothing else lately. And…a part of me thinks I could.”
A part thinks. Not that he’d actually do it. “So, you’re still not sure.”
“No, I’m not. But I am sure I’m starting to have feelings for you.”
The desperation to put distance between them, the need to save herself from further inevitable heartache, had her trying to convince him otherwise. “Maybe you’re just confused. Maybe all you’re feeling is gratitude. Have you thought about that? I am the first woman you’ve met who’s gotten past your defenses. Not tooting my own horn here, but…I didn’t just get past them, I’ve brought them down.”
He slowly nodded. “You have.”
She turned toward him and took his hand. “You haven’t had time to get to know this Mac yet—the type of man you’ll be, now that you are no longer hiding behind those walls. I’m most likely nothing more than the wrecking ball that freed you.”
“Or maybe you were the only one who could free me, because you were the only one with the power over me to do it. Maybe it’s you I need in order to be the man I’ll become.”
Panic clawed at her chest. “What are you saying?”
“Something selfish. That I want the chance to figure all of this out without worrying you’ll get scared and run. I want to be confident you’re completely in this with me.”
“So you can leave when you decide I’m no longer what you want.”
Frustration crossed his face. “No. Damn it. My life has been turned upside down in the span of a month. I’m allowed to be confused. I didn’t even want to come here—Kansas was the last place I ever wanted to be. Now? I’m actually thinking about moving back, and it scares the shit out of me.”
“Mac—”
He held up a hand. “Four weeks ago, I hadn’t so much as looked at another woman, and now I can’t get you off my mind. I want to be with you every damn second. The idea of not seeing you hurts”—he thumped his fist right above his heart—”here. Over two weeks ago, I learned the woman who was getting under my skin faced down my worst nightmares for a damn living, and I wanted nothing to do with that shit.”
He jabbed his fingers through his hair. She remained silent, her heart pounding.
He turned to her, looking almost awestruck. “And yet, here I am. I’ve been pelted by hail, almost swallowed alive by tornado-force winds, and helped rescue people from EF-5 destruction…when before the mere thought of those things made the past consume me. That day…back at the tornado, when that little girl tugged on my shirt… Gayle, she was the spitting image of Ally, and I was seeing the child I’d lost. I knew trying to find her mother was going to be one of the hardest things I’d ever done, but I felt like I’d been given a second chance for a reason.”
“Oh, Mac.”
“I might not be the most religious man, but I truly believe Ally reached out to me that day. Showed me a way to get past the guilt her death had burdened me with and move on.”
The look in his eyes—the vanishing sadness, and the dawning seed of hope—nearly melted her heart.
“None of this has been easy, Gayle. It’s been confusing as hell. The only thing I am certain about is I really do want to be with you, but I’m going to be upfront—the storm chasing is a huge problem.”
“Are you asking me—”