Wildest Dreams

chapter 4

Lettie shivered, pulling the bearskin blanket Luke had bought her in Billings closer around herself. Nathan lay sleeping in her lap, bundled into a warm blanket. "It looks empty," Lettie told Luke, her eyes on a small cabin that sat nestled into the side of a foothill several yards away.

Luke turned up the collar of his own wolfskin jacket against a stinging wind that hammered at them out of the nearby mountains. "Appears that way." He reached under the wagon seat and retrieved his Winchester, then climbed down. "Stay put."

Lettie watched anxiously as he approached the cabin. Sure, there's plenty of free land yet just southwest of here, the land agent in Billings had told them. If you can wrestle it from the outlaws who use it to hide stolen cattle and horses. The man's name was David Taylor, a short, stocky soul who had hinted that he would not be particular with facts and figures if Luke wanted to claim a little more than the 160 acres he was allowed under the Homestead Act. Lettie didn't trust Taylor one bit, and she wondered how much money the man was making on the side by accepting money to "alter" deeds and land boundaries.

It mattered little at the moment. Right now, Luke had to decide on the land he wanted to claim in the first place, and as soon as they had come over the last rise and he saw the wide valley stretched out before them, he knew what he wanted. Although there was a dusting of snow over all of it, he could see acres and acres of winter grass. She prayed Taylor was right that the outlaws who roamed these parts usually didn't show up until spring. They needed a place to hole up for the winter without having to spend money on room and board. When Luke had spotted this little cabin across the valley, backed by splendid mountains that seemed to watch over it like sentinels, he was sure they were "home." He had driven the wagon up to the cabin, and now was inspecting it to see if anyone had lived there recently.

Lettie suspected the place was not livable. She watched Luke go inside, waited, weary from the weeks of hard travel it had taken to get here. They had managed to latch onto another wagon train heading out of Fort Laramie north to Billings in Montana Territory. From there the others went on west into the Rockies to look for gold, in spite of the danger of Indian attack. Luke was more interested in claiming land, and the first thing he had done was find the land agent. Taylor's office was nothing more than the corner of a sorry-looking saloon in a settlement that was hardly big enough to be called a town, but the citizens of Billings seemed proud of their accomplishments. Taylor himself was not so proud. He seemed to detest his job and detest the entire area, a government man doing only what he'd been ordered to do.

Lettie was grateful that they had had someone with whom to travel most of the way, since all anyone could talk about was the danger of Indians. So far, no Sioux had given them trouble, but now that she and Luke were alone, she was more frightened than she had been since leaving Fort Laramie to come here. She jumped with alarm then when she heard two gunshots. From the sound of them, they had come from the six-gun Luke wore on his hip, something he had started doing as an extra precaution since they had left Billings.

"Luke!" she called out in alarm. Nathan stirred on her lap, but he did not come fully awake. "What is it!"

She breathed a sigh of relief when he appeared at the doorway, the rifle in his left hand, his six-gun in his right. "Rats," he told her. "I got a couple of them." He turned back inside, reappeared with the dead rodents and tossed them off to the side of the cabin.

Lettie struggled to hide her horror.

"The place looks as though it hasn't been lived in for quite a while," Luke continued, shoving the handgun back into its holster. He stepped off the sagging porch to come back to the wagon. "It's small, but there's a cast-iron heating stove inside, and a small, homemade bed. Nathan can sleep on that. It will keep him up off the floor away from drafts and varmints." He was beside the wagon now, his eyes apologetic. "Don't worry. We'll rig something up to keep us off the floor, too. I'll gather some wood and we can get a fire going. It's getting dark. We'll bring in most of the supplies in the morning. I'll tend to the horses and maybe you can get some supper going as soon as we get the stove heated up." He leaned his rifle against the wagon wheel and reached up to take Nathan from her lap so she could climb down.

"Are you sure no one is around?" she asked.

Luke studied the surroundings while Lettie retied her hat against the cold. The only sound was the soft moan of the mountain wind. Lettie wondered if the wind ever stopped blowing in this land. They had not had a still day since before leaving Fort Laramie weeks ago, and sometimes she thought she might go crazy from the constant droning sound and the fact that everything had to be tied or weighted down to keep things from blowing away.

"No tracks anyplace, no food inside the cabin," Luke answered. "If we're lucky, whoever built this place isn't coming back, at least not until spring."

"And what if it's outlaws who want us out?"

Luke turned and handed Nathan back to her. The boy's eyes fluttered open, but he seemed to be too sleepy to realize where he was. He stuck his thumb in his mouth and kept a tight hold on his horse. "I like this area, Lettie. No outlaws are going to chase me out of it. Right now my biggest concern is to get you and Nathan settled inside and get some heat going. I've heard enough about Montana winters to know I have to get busy cutting wood. It's only the last of September, and if it's this cold already, you can imagine what it will be like by January." He saw the concern and fear in her eyes, gave her a light hug. "It's going to be all right, Lettie. I promised you that, didn't I? You have my word that come spring, I'll build you something a lot better than this sorry shack, and I'll have laid claim to all of this and more." He turned from her and walked around to the back of the wagon to remove a couple of carpetbags of clothing and some blankets. "Come on," he told her, his arms full.

Lettie walked ahead of him into the shack, swallowing back an urge to vomit. Never had she been surrounded by so much danger and desolation. She didn't want to hurt Luke by showing her terror, or letting him know how crude and distasteful she found the cabin. She couldn't scream. She could only breathe deeply and make do with what was here. She heard the thud of the carpetbags, watched the blankets land on the small bed where Luke threw them. The bed was plenty long, but very narrow.

She gazed around the cabin, noticed a few cracks between the boards that were sure to let in cold drafts in the winter. Another rat scurried across the floor, and she stepped back. The room was very small, perhaps fifteen feet square, with a potbellied stove in one corner, a few shelves built against one wall, and a crudely built table in the middle of the room, with two crates to serve as chairs. The bed was made from pine, with ropes for springs and no mattress on top. She was glad her mother had given her two feather mattresses before they parted. Never had she longed more fervently to be with her family back at the spacious home they had left behind in St. Joseph, where people lived in reasonable numbers, and anything they needed was close at hand.

She was only vaguely aware when Luke left again. When he returned minutes later with an armload of food and other supplies they would need for the night, she was still standing in the middle of the room looking around in stunned disappointment at the shack. She said nothing when Luke took Nathan from her arms and laid him on a pile of blankets on the bed. Silently, she untied and removed the wool hat she'd been wearing. She was shaken by her sense of doubt, not only over her choice to come to this lonely, desolate place, but also over her decision to marry. She loved Luke, and he had been attentive and caring and protective throughout their dangerous, trying journey to get here; but being his wife meant fulfilling other needs he had not yet demanded of her. This was the first time they had been truly alone since marrying at Fort Laramie. When Luke had slept in the wagon with her, he had only held her. Was he waiting for her to make the first move; or had he patiently been waiting for this moment, when he had her alone? Between the realization that he would surely expect to consummate their marriage now, and the knowledge that she would spend the rest of the winter holed up in this tiny cabin, with rats running over her feet, she felt panic building.

"Lettie?"

She was startled by the touch of Luke's hand on her shoulder. She gasped and turned to look up at him, her eyes wide with fear and apprehension. "I... I don't know if I can stay here, Luke." Oh, why had she said that? She could see the hurt in his eyes. He should be angry. Maybe he would throw her down and have his way with her now, order her to submit to her husband, yell at her for being weak and selfish, tell her she would stay here whether she liked it or not.

He turned, looked around the tiny room, looked back at her with a smile of resignation on his face. "I can't blame you there. I don't know why I even considered this. I guess in all my excitement..." He sighed deeply. "I'll take you back to Billings in the morning. It's not much of a town, but maybe I can find a safe place for you and Nathan to stay while I make things more livable around here."

"But... you'd be out here all alone."

He shrugged, walking over to the stove and opening the door. "I knew before I ever came here there would be a lot of lonely living I'd have to put up with." He picked up some kindling from a small pile that lay near the stove and stacked it inside. "When you have a dream, you simply do what you have to do to realize it." He turned to face her. "I told you it won't be like this forever, Lettie, and it won't."

His eyes moved over her, and she knew what he wanted. He simply loved and respected her too much to ask for it. A wave of guilt rushed through her, and she felt like crying. "I'm sorry, Luke. I've disappointed you in so many ways already."

He frowned, coming closer. "I never said that. I don't blame you for not wanting to stay here. I'll take you back to town and you can come back here in the spring." He placed his hands on her shoulders. "I love you, Lettie. I never want you to be unhappy or wish you had never married me. I made you some promises, and I intend to keep them."

A lump seemed to rise in her throat. "You'd really take me to Billings? You wouldn't be angry about it?"

Luke studied her face. He wanted her so, but was not sure how to approach the situation because of what she had been through. He knew there was a part of her that wanted him that way, but he had not seen it in her eyes since leaving Fort Laramie. He had only seen doubt and fear. "I told you I'd take you. I wouldn't be angry."

She suddenly smiled, although there were tears in her eyes. "That's all I need to know. I... I thought you took it for granted, just because I was your wife... that you'd demand..."

She threw her arms around him, resting her face against his thick fur jacket. "Oh, Luke, forgive me. I haven't been much of a wife at all yet, except to cook your meals. I just... I need time to adjust to all of this. I know your intentions are good, and I trust your promises." She leaned back to look into his eyes, trusting more every day in the look of love she saw there. "You don't have to take me back. As long as I know I can go back, that's all I need to know. Does that make any sense?"

He grinned. "I think so." He moved his hands inside the bearskin blanket she still wore tied at her shoulders. "I'm not a man to demand anything, Lettie, except a woman's loyalty. There isn't anything you want that I won't try to give you, as long as you belong only to me."

She reached up around his neck. "I could never belong to anyone else." She reddened then, remembering the rape, and her smile faded.

Luke pressed her closer. "You remember what I told you. I'm going to be your first man, and your only man. There just hasn't been the right time or chance to show you. I'm sorry about all this, Lettie. I know it's hard for you."

Somewhere in the distance they heard the cry of a bobcat. Combined with the groaning mountain wind, the sounds only accentuated how alone they really were, a good five miles from the only town, and no sign of civilization for hundreds of miles beyond that. "I can't let you stay out here alone. You're my husband. I belong here with you," Lettie said, still clinging to him.

Luke kissed her hair, her cheek. She found herself turning to meet his lips, and he explored her mouth savagely then. She felt lost in his powerful hold, buried in the fur jacket, suddenly weak. How well he fit this land, so tall and strong and rugged and determined. She loved him all the more for it, loved him the most for not being angry that she might want to go back. She had that freedom, and knowing that only made her want to stay; just like knowing he would never demand his husbandly rights made her want to be a wife to him.

He left her mouth, kissed her neck. "I'd better get a fire going, bring in—"

"Luke." She felt her heart racing as all her fears began to melt away. She didn't know how to tell him, what to do. She could only look into those handsome blue eyes and say his name. She met his lips again, astonished at the sudden hunger in her soul. How could she have considered letting this poor man stay out here alone, when he had a wife and child who could help him, love him? And how could she keep denying him the one thing he had every right to take for himself? Most of all, how could she deny her own sudden desires, this surprising awakening of woman that ached to be set free?

He returned her kiss tenderly, searching more softly with his tongue now, groaning with the want of her. Little Nathan continued to sleep on the pile of blankets, oblivious to the awakening taking place between his mother and his new father. Lettie felt herself being lowered to the floor, the bearskin blanket providing a soft barrier at her back. Luke groaned her name, kissed and licked at her throat while he moved a strong hand along her leg, up under her dress and the several layers of petticoats she had worn for warmth.

"I should build a fire," he groaned. "We should use the bed."

"It doesn't matter," she whispered. "I want to be your wife, Luke, in every way. I want to be one with you and know that it's all right. I don't want to be afraid any more."

He looked down questioningly at her, his eyes glistening with love and desire. "Lettie, it's so cold and crude in here—"

She touched his lips. "Do it quickly, Luke, before Nathan wakes up... and before I lose my courage." A tear slipped down the side of her face. "We can make it nicer next time."

He met her mouth again, lingered there before moving to caress her throat. "Lettie... Lettie..." He moved his hand over her drawers, yanked at the waist. Lettie closed her eyes, her heart pounding wildly with fear and anticipation. Luke moved away from her for a moment, and she knew he was unbuttoning his pants. She could not look. In the next moment she felt her drawers being pulled away, down over her knees, her boots. Her skirts fell to hide secret places, but he pushed them back up as he moved between her legs then, kissing her eyes, her throat.

"There is so much more I want to do," he told her softly. "I can make it much better than this, Lettie."

She finally found the courage to open her eyes and meet his gaze. "I believe you, but for now, I just want to be Mrs. Luke Fontaine, in every way, not just on paper. I'll not deny you any longer." She reached up and moved her fingers into his thick, dark hair. "Just love me, Luke. Never leave me."

He licked at her lips. "Never."

Lettie drew in her breath when she felt his hardness then. He pressed against her thigh, while he met her mouth again, moving his tongue deep inside suggestively. For a moment the panic returned. She braced herself for the pain, but he did not enter her immediately. Supporting himself with one arm, he reached down with his other hand to guide that part of man she thought she hated, rubbing it softly against a magic spot between her legs and creating a new sensation she had never experienced. It made her want him more, made her open herself to him more willingly.

"Relax," he whispered between kisses that kept her breathless. Desire was building deep in her belly. It had not been like this before—the gentle kisses, the soft, teasing stroking against secret places. Suddenly she felt a rippling explosion deep inside that made her cry out his name, and to her own shock, she was begging him to enter her, pleading with him to fill her, to make her his own.

She gasped when she felt it then, the huge hardness invading her, pushing deep, branding her as Luke Fontaine's property. Flashes of her rape threatened to spoil the moment; but all the while he whispered her name, told her he loved her, how good she made him feel. In moments the ugly memories were erased by this man who had waited so patiently for this, who had told her she didn't have to stay here.

How could she leave him now? No, she would stay right here with Luke Fontaine and help him build his dream. She arched up to meet his thrusts, and in spite of the cold room, she was warm with passion, protected by his own broad body and the wolfskin jacket he had not even removed yet. She knew they would do this again... soon... and the next time he would want to touch and taste her breasts and they would lie naked together. The thought no longer frightened her. He had awakened something wonderful in her, and she was overjoyed to know how good and sweet this could be. She felt a thrill at the way his strong hands grasped at her bottom while he thrust into her.

She truly belonged to him now, and he to her. She would make sure no other women shared his bed ever again, and she would never disappoint him the way Lynnanne Haley had hurt him.

To Luke's frustration, it was over quickly. He had been too long without a woman to be able to hold back. He figured maybe it was best this way the first time. As his seed spilled into her, he prayed it would take hold. Having a child together would put the past behind them once and for all. It would seal their love for each other, and help ease her longing for her family. He felt an ache inside at the realization that he had not minded leaving his own father and brother at all. He wished he had a family that missed him, like Lettie's.

This would be his family now. Nathan. Lettie. The children they would have together. This was all he needed, this and the land. He sighed deeply, kissed Lettie's eyes, studied them when she looked up at him. "You all right?" To his delight, she smiled.

"I feel wonderful."

Luke grinned. "It gets much better than this. I want to show you how much better."

She drew in her breath at the thought. "Then we'd better heat up this place and make it livable, and we'd better make up another bed so we can get up off this floor next time."

A rat skittered by several feet away, and Lettie cringed against him. Luke kissed her hair. "I've got poison for them. We'll be rid of them in no time. You'll see." He kissed her once more. "Thank you, Lettie, for marrying me, for staying here with me. It would be so lonely without you."

She traced a finger over one of his dark brows. "I'd have been lonely, too, even with other people around." Her soft smile faded. "And thank you, for loving me, for taking away the ugliness. I really am just yours now, aren't I?"

He moved a big hand over her breast, on up to stroke at her temple. "Just mine. In your heart I've been your first man. The rest is forgotten."

The bobcat growled again, this time sounding closer. Outside Red whinnied, and a couple of mules began to bray. "I'd better get out there," Luke said. Reluctantly, he moved away from her, stood up and buttoned his pants.

Lettie pulled her skirts down. "I'll get some wood and get that stove going so you can wash," Luke told her as she reached for her drawers. Now she felt a little embarrassed, glad when he turned away and went outside. She quickly cleaned herself as best she could for the moment with a handkerchief, throwing it in a corner and pulling on her drawers. Yes, she would be glad to wash. She wanted to clean up good before the next time they made love, wanted to be soft and powdered. She looked around the sorry little room, envisioning where to put another bed, where to hang blankets for privacy when she needed to bathe herself. There wasn't much room, but then as cold as the Montana winters got, maybe it was better this way. One little room was a lot easier to heat than a bigger house. Poor Luke would probably have little time for anything but cutting wood for the next month or so.

She tied her hat back on and went outside to help carry in supplies. Luke brought in some wood left stacked on the porch and got a fire going, then went back outside to unhitch the animals and see about putting them up in a lean-to several feet from the cabin. Lettie quickly washed herself as best she could. Amid all the bustle, Nathan finally awoke, rubbing his eyes in confusion. He scooted off the bed and stared around the room. Lettie turned from the sack of potatoes she was opening and picked him up. "It's about time, you little devil. You sleep as hard as you play when you're awake. I hope you'll sleep that well tonight."

"Pee, Mommy."

Lettie smiled and carried the boy to an outhouse behind the cabin, helping him undo himself. He was very proud of the fact that he'd learned to "pee" the way Luke had shown him. In the distance the bobcat squealed again, and Lettie felt a stab of anxiety. Luke had said he might have to hunt the thing down and get rid of it. What if he was attacked while he was out there working alone in the woods? There would be no one to help them.

As she and Nathan returned to the cabin, she gazed at the magnificent beauty of the surrounding country, the wide valley below the cabin, the purple mountains that rimmed the entire horizon. This was a treacherous beauty, a deceitful land, one that lured with its beauty and its promises of riches. She could only pray the land would not devour her husband, kill them all with its harsh climate and dangerous wildlife.

She spent the next few hours making the cabin as homey as possible for their first night. She hung a blanket in one corner of the room. Behind it she set a washstand and laid out one of the feather mattresses for her and Luke to sleep on. She put the other feather mattress on the small bed where Nathan would sleep and made up his bed properly. She cleaned up the rest of the cabin as best she could, stacking supplies wherever they would fit. Then she cooked supper, a difficult task on the small potbellied stove.

"I need a regular cookstove," she told Luke when he returned. He promised to see about it as soon as he could. He also promised to go to Billings and buy some tar paper to nail to the outside of the cabin to close off the cracks between the boards. But before he did any of that, he would have to spend the next several days cutting wood. Winter set into this land early, and any day could find them buried in a mountain snowstorm.

By the time Lettie got Nathan put down again for the night, both she and Luke were bone weary, yet both knew their work had just begun. Luke bolted the door and sat down on a crate quietly to smoke a thin cigar he'd taken from his gear. It was finally warm enough inside the cabin for them to take off their jackets. Luke even took off his shirt, under which he wore wool long johns. He watched Lettie take down her hair. "It's going to be hard, Lettie."

"I know. We can do it." She shook out her hair, turned to look at him. His long johns were unbuttoned, revealing the dark hairs on his chest. It was the first time she had seen him without a shirt on. Finally there was time to think about what had happened when they first arrived. She knew by the way his eyes moved over her that Luke was remembering it too. It had been beautiful. She wanted to feel that way again.

"Why don't you undress out here?" Luke asked, his voice soft.

The flames that flickered behind the open draft of the stove door cast ripples of light on her as she began removing her dress. She shivered, but she knew it was not from the cold. For the first time in her life a man would look upon her nakedness. The night of her attack, there had been only the rape. The men had not even removed all of her clothing. Luke would be the first man to set eyes on her breasts, to touch them, taste them. She was glad she had something left to give him that was still virgin, touched by no other man. She dropped her petticoats, removed her boots and stockings, unlaced her camisole.

Luke crushed out his smoke in a tin plate on the table, marveling that he had found someone so utterly beautiful on his way to Montana, that he had actually arrived here with a wife and a child to call his own. "Come here," he told her. He saw her nervousness as she approached and knelt in front of him. She closed her eyes when he moved his hands inside the camisole and pushed it away from her full breasts. They were firm, the nipples a lovely pink. He pulled the camisole down her arms and tossed it aside, gently grasped her breasts, caressing them, toying with her nipples, until he saw her breathing quicken. Her head was flung back, her hair hanging in a cascade of waves down her back. He kissed her eyes, her lips. "They never touched you here, did they?" he said.

Lettie grasped his wrists. "No," she whispered. She opened her eyes to meet his gaze. He leaned down, licking at the white swell of her breasts, then took a nipple into his mouth, gently sucking, pulling, creating a sharp need deep in her belly. She grasped his hair, offered herself gladly, enthralled at these wondrous new feelings he created in her.

"Luke," she groaned, breathing deeply when he moved to her other breast to taste its sweet fruit.

"Lettie, you're so beautiful," he whispered. He picked her up in his arms, carried her behind the makeshift curtain and laid her on the bed. Lettie had spread the bearskin blanket over the top of the feather mattress, then covered that with more blankets. She sank into the pile of softness. Luke bent to remove her bloomers. As she lay there naked she curled up her knees and watched him undress, allowing herself to look at that part of man that had held such terrors for her.

"Don't ever be afraid of it again, Lettie," he told her. He moved onto the bed, stretched out beside her. She ran a hand over his powerful arm, across his broad shoulders.

His lips met hers, and in spite of their weariness, their passion was too powerful to ignore. He moved between her legs, grasped one leg under the knee and pushed it farther to the side, and in the next instant he was surging inside of her for the second time in one day. He pulled a blanket over them. Again they were lost in each other, oblivious to anything around them, ignoring the dangers, sure their love would hold them together whatever the future held.

Outside the bobcat prowled, searching for wild rabbits, perhaps some rats. It decided not to invade the realm of the humans who had moved into its territory... not yet. And in the foothills and distant mountains wolves began their nightly howling at the moon and to each other, making sure to remind any humans who came into this land who really belonged here.

Something else also prowled and watched, something human in form, but more animal in instinct and senses. A teenage Indian brave named Red Hawk sat on his spotted horse watching the cabin. A tiny bit of light created by a dimly lit lantern inside shone through one small window, the only sign of life in the dark night. Red Hawk turned to his father, a fierce-looking and honored warrior who sat beside his son on his own horse. The boy admired his father greatly, was proud of the deep scar on one side of the man's nose, where a Crow Indian had cut it partly off. That Crow man had died a slow, painful death at the hands of the mighty Sioux warrior. It was after that fierce raid that Red Hawk's father had taken the name Half Nose, a name feared by all white settlers and even some Indians in the region.

"Should we go and kill them, Father?" Red Hawk asked in the Sioux tongue.

Half Nose watched quietly for a few minutes. "No. He has a woman and child with him. He is one of those who has come to stay. He will still be here when the grass grows green again, when we come back to the mountains from the sacred winter grounds. Perhaps by then he will have more horses, something worth stealing. We have no use for oxen or mules."

"He has one good horse, that red one we watched him put in the shed when it was still light."

"Yes, and we will take it! He will never know we were here until he finds it gone in the morning. Then he will know how quietly a Sioux brave can take whatever he wants. He is new to this land. He has much to learn." Half Nose grinned. "We shall teach him and have a good laugh over it. We will take his horse, then get back to our camp. Tomorrow we must head south and east. Winter is coming."

"Perhaps he and the woman and child will not last until the grass is green again. Perhaps they will die from the cold."

Half Nose laughed lightly. "Perhaps." He nodded. "They will learn that they cannot own this land. The land will own them. It will swallow them up and spit them out!" Half Nose dismounted, and his son followed suit. Both men crept down the hill with the stealth of the bobcat that prowled in the thick woods beyond the cabin. They sneaked into the shed where Luke kept his horse and mules, using their skill with animals to keep them quiet while they untied Red. They led the horse back up the hill and rode off into the night.

Inside the cabin, Luke and Lettie lay sleeping, naked body against naked body, dreaming of the empire they had come here to build together.