“I stay on birth control,” she said, evening her voice out, “because any kids I have will be wanted, planned for. They’ll have embarrassing baby photos and college funds. Their lives are going to be as close to that perfect 1950s sitcom family as possible.”
She couldn’t stand to see the sorrow in Cam’s expression and dropped her gaze to the counter. Up until his parents died, he’d had the life she’d always wanted, and a secret part of her, tucked away deep inside the darkest chambers of her heart, had always hated him for it. “So, um, we’re safe. No surprise babies.”
Cam watched her across the island, and she had to fight to keep from fidgeting under his scrutiny. After a minute that seemed like an hour, he nodded. “Good. Takes a weight off.”
Okay, she definitely shouldn’t experience a pang of hurt that he was relieved about there being almost no possibility of pregnancy. Yet, there it was, digging claws into her heart.
Fucking hell. Was there a prize for most emotionally wrecked? If not, there should be. She’d win it, hands down.
Chapter Fifteen
He’d always known Eva’s childhood hadn’t been a cake walk, but she’d never before offered up any details, and he’d never asked. Now, Cam knew without doubt the small glimpse she’d just given wasn’t the worst of it, and his heart broke for the little girl she’d once been.
He finished his coffee in a hard swallow and hoped like hell she didn’t notice the tremble of his hand as he set the mug in the sink. Fucking child services should have done more to protect her and Shelby, and the fact they had failed the two girls so miserably pissed him off in a big way.
He needed to pummel something. Like, right fucking now. “I’m gonna hit the gym.”
Eva shook herself from whatever internal demons she’d been battling, and her gaze refocused on the here and now. She frowned. “But you just showered.”
“So, I’ll shower again.” He couldn’t stand around chatting with her, not with the ball of useless anger at her mother and the flawed child care system eating at his gut.
Without waiting for her response, he left the kitchen and strode past the doors of his and Vaughn’s rooms to the master bedroom at the end of the hall, which they’d elected to convert to a gym when they moved in because of its massive size. His feet sank into the padded mats covering the floor as he crossed to a line of shelves along one wall and grabbed his fingerless boxing gloves from their spot on the third shelf. Flexing his hands to make sure they fit correctly, he finally let the anger explode in a burst of movement. He spun and nailed the nearby heavy bag with a roundhouse that sent it swinging.
Child protective services. Protection was their job, goddammit.
And fuck Eva’s mother for living the kind of selfish lifestyle that made their half-hearted intervention necessary in the first place.
Cam lit into the bag, attacking it from every angle until his knuckles ached and sweat blinded him, but the anger still sat like molten lead in the pit of his soul. His mind kept conjuring up the image of a small, dark haired girl watching Full House with longing in her big, dark eyes as her mother lay passed out on the couch from another round of binge partying, and it just added more fuel to the fire of his rage. He didn’t stop until he hit the bag so hard, it swung back and plowed into his stomach. Air left his lungs in a whoosh, and with it, finally, his anger. He bent double, placing his hands on his knees and dragging in lung-filling drafts of air.
“Feel better?”
He straightened, not all that surprised to see Eva propped in the doorway. “No.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Listen, I’m sorry if I pissed you off, but if you want to continue sleeping together, those are my terms.”
“What?” He stared at her, his mind backtracking over their conversation before her past came up. “Shit. No, that’s not—I’m good with that.” Well, mostly. Friends with benefits wasn’t exactly what he’d wanted, but it was a step in the right direction. “I mean, no strings sex between friends? What’s not to like?”
Eva nodded toward the punching bag. “So why go all Hulk on that thing?”
Because she’d deserved better than what she’d gotten, and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do to change the past.
He shrugged. “Needed a workout.”
“The athletic shower sex wasn’t workout enough for you?”
Yeah, it had been, and he’d pay for all the abuse he’d subjected his muscles to this morning. “Nah. I’m foggy if I don’t get in a good session with the bag.” He unstrapped his gloves and discovered not only had he beat his knuckles raw, but his fingers had stiffened up. Fuck, that was going to hurt in a few hours. He returned the gloves to their spot and casually shook out each hand before bending to grab a water from the mini fridge on the bottom shelf. “So…have you checked the weather reports?”