Where Would I Be Without You

Chapter Three

The soft hush toned voices brought me slowly awake. There before me were two short blurry figures of angels. Their soft brown hair in big curls with some kind of light radiating behind them gave them a glow reflection from behind. One of them spoke up first. "I think she looks better with the blue eye shadow." Then I heard. "If you say so." Then the first one spoke again. "I do say so. I am the first born, and I know better." That was Lilly, gently referred to as Lil. May then walked away as Lil shouted over her shoulder. "You better agree with me or else."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up on the couch. I saw a glimpse of Ron run by after kissing my baby sister Claire and a quick 'good to have you home Julie. See you tonight.' Then he was gone. The next thing I know a gallon size coffee with cream and sugar, appeared in my vision, being offered from my sister.

"Julie. Good morning princess. Rise and shine. Girls made you toast. Grape Jelly is their specialty. I hate to do this to you but in all the craziness and rush to go get you, the girls are off from school today. Some teacher workday. I 'HAVE' to go to work today. Got a deal to close. You might want to wash off your face before you go anywhere. You were out cold while they played dress up on your face with their doll makeup. I've got some killer makeup remover in my bathroom that will get that tar off. Mom called early this morning. They will be here by Sunday for the homecoming BBQ for you. Don't argue. It's all about you princess. Don't let the girls turn on the TV. You're still on local news. There's a G movie playing at the theatre. I suggest you hide out there or the library with the girls today. I'll leave you the minivan." Just on cue, a car's horn honked from outside. Claire leaned in and kissed my forehead like I was one of her little girls, and then she hugged and kissed the girls asking them nicely to go easy on their aunt Julie. Then she was gone.

The coffee hadn't made it to my lips before a plate of grape jelly toast was shoved into my face, and two very curious little girls wanted to know if I brought them a present from Hollywood. I wanted to cry and then laugh, but instead I hugged them both for a soothing effect on my body. I ate their toast, gulped the coffee down my sister gave me and told them if they let me take a quick shower that I would take them to the library after I unloaded my suitcases from the minivan.

One very fast shower later, because I knew that taking time to shave my legs could only mean two little six-year-old girls could find trouble. I came out of the shower and wrapped my sister's pink robe around me to find Snickerdoodles being loved on. My smaller suitcases wide open in the front room and two coon dogs barking like crazy through the glass sliding door at the white fluffy hairball in the girls lap.

"Aunt Julie we got your suitcases for you. You have a lot of makeup and jewelry." As May turned to me, I noticed that they were wearing my jewelry and makeup. Not the cheap doll or dress up stuff they were used to. I knew that I was going to have to find a way to keep that from them.

My first mistake, I spoke to May first. "May darling, you look quite lovely in the gold beads. Lil, I am really digging the feather clips in your hair. Who is your hair dresser and where did she get them?"

No reply from Lil. May came up, and took my hand with her sweet adorable tiny hand and led me outside to the minivan. "Aunt Julie. Mom should have warned you. You have to talk to Lil first. She's in one of her moods." One of her moods coming out of a six-year olds mouth sounds seriously hilarious. It sounded like my sister at that age talking about me.

"I'm sorry. I forgot. Your mom did tell me, but I guess I have to practice at this."

The minivan was wide open. My two larger pink suitcases look liked they had been pushed or pulled out of the back and plopped on the driveway behind the van. Those two suitcases were packed heavy, and I was glad neither girl hurt herself when getting them out. I grabbed my suitcase and righted it, so I could use the pull handle and wheels to roll it inside.

"So tell me May. What do I do to make it right with Lil?"

"First, tell her you're sorry. Tell her she's first born. Give her a gift. You do have gifts for us?" She said it so hopeful I could not disappoint her with the fact that gifts were the last thing on my mind when I left LA, and if it wasn't for the Bubba run in at Stop-N-Go, I might have thought to grab something there. I knew I had a few sample cosmetics that I got not too long ago and had not opened the gift box it came in. Those would have to do for now as I was sure those were tossed in my suitcase at the last minute.

May opened the screen door for me and Lil sat there looking hurt. "Lil, Aunt Julie is sorry. I brought you a present." She dropped Snickerdoodles, who amazingly always landed on all fours. Wish I could land on my feet with such grace. Then Lil rushed over and tried to help me with my suitcase, but it was too heavy.

"Lil I need to carry this myself. I need about half hour to unpack if you two could just keep an eye on Snickerdoodle and watch some Dora; I can find where I put your gifts. Ok."

Reluctantly, the two twins pushed a Dora DVD into the player and sat on the couch with Snickerdoodles between them.

As I walked back out to get my other suitcase and shut the minivan back door hatch, my mind instantly went to Bubba. Somehow, I had been able to keep him tucked away nicely in the recesses of my mind the entire time I was in LA. But not last night after I saw him, not in my sleep last night, and for some reason, he had this strange power over me. Now he was all I could think about, besides the baby growing in me. I thought how this could be my minivan, and Bubba could play daddy. I thought about the way he used to kiss me at the boondock when everyone else was around on a high school party night. He would kiss me like I was the only one there. I thought of how he could look at me for a split second, and I would capture that look of desire in my mind and keep it with me all day long. Back then, I wanted to save myself for a real man, a prince charming to sweep me off my feet. After seeing Bubba last night looking as real as a real man gets, I wanted him to sweep me off my feet.

I rolled my suitcase to their bedroom and stopped in the doorway in shock. Pink bubblegum explosion everywhere with bits of purple and yellow, lots of netting and lace and not much floor space, drawer space and the tiniest bed for sleeping. I had to get my wits about me soon. Maybe think about staying at my parents place even though I had never lived well under the roof of my parents. They were strict Baptist and I was, as Claire would put it, the drama princess.

I found the bed that wasn't trundled and lifted my suitcase up. I quickly found the two cosmetic boxes filled with sample products and set them off to the side. I looked through the girl's dresser and found that only one small drawer was available. However, since the other trundle bed wasn't set up yet, I might be able to fit my smaller of the two larger suitcases underneath. Otherwise, it was looking like the garage for my luggage, and I wasn't thrilled about that.

Claire and Ron bought this tiny ranch because the rest of the land was what they always dreamed of living on. A two bedroom, two-bath ranch with a single-car garage and a huge barn was a standard living here. I just didn't see me living here long.

I pulled a few casual clothes out of my larger suitcase, along with three choices of 'I'm too sexy' clothes for the BBQ. If there was a chance Bubba was coming, I was going to look hot, no - hot and sexy.

Twenty minutes later, I had two little girls just dying to try on all the makeup. A sleepy Snickerdoodles already snuggled on the bed I would be sleeping on. I took advantage of their makeup fixation and went to style my hair. I applied my makeup using my sister's tiny one sink bathroom. I had no idea how she lived like this.

Pink low cut top, VS denim short shorts and a pair of white wedge sandals and I was good to go to the library with the girls. As I walked out of the bathroom, I was shocked to see how pretty - uh hum - the girls made up faces looked. "Ready to go to the library ladies?"

Lil spoke up first. "Mom never lets us go out in public with makeup on Aunt Julie." At this rate, we would never make it there or to the movie. I grabbed the minivan keys, my purse, and a pair of sunglasses that screamed 'in disguise'. I motioned for the girls to follow and hollered over my shoulder. "Well ladies, that is one benefit to hanging with Aunt Julie, you get to wear whatever you like."

A full minute of giggles later and we were loaded up into the minivan with Christian kid songs blaring through the rocking stereo system. A little part of me really enjoyed this time with the girls, but another part of me knew this life in 'Bama' as Bubba would say, is far different than I got accustomed to back in LA.

We rocked the library. We strolled in like three queen divas. We took over the comfortable reading circle. We picked up books, movies and the girls made me get my own library card.

Back in the minivan two hours later, it was past lunch, and I was accustomed to forgoing food for the sake of my waistline but the two little girls arguing in the backseat were not. "Where to for lunch?" I shouted over the music to the backseat.

May spoke up first. "I want a hamburger." Then Lil chimed in. "Well I want a cheeseburger." Then May argued. "You don't like cheeseburgers. You're just saying that because I said hamburger." "Nut uh." "Are too." "Am not." "Are too."

"Girls. Please. Aunt Julie doesn't do this very well." I pulled into the first fast-food place I could find and grabbed a twenty out of my wallet. "Here girls. You run on in and get what you want. I need to make a phone call, and then I'll be in."

Lil grabbed my hand. "Aunt Julie. You can't send us in alone. Stranger danger."

Oh gosh. What was I thinking? I had a million things on my mind. "Right."

One very sticky table later in the play area of the fast food and two well fed girls; we decided that maybe saving the movie for another day would be best. May suggested we clean out their mom's minivan at the colored carwash. And for once, Lil agreed. I had no idea what a colored carwash was, but I knew I was about to find out.

From a window inside, we watched several young adults wash the car with multicolored magical soap bubbles. Then when they rinsed with a pink colored water, I was fascinated. They finally rinsed with clear water, and then we got to watch them dry the van off. I had ordered the multi deluxe package and asked that they bagged up all the trash and leave it inside in the back, seeing as my sister was notorious for tossing receipts on her car floor and then would go looking for them later. I didn't want to be held responsible for a tossed receipt.

Being home less than twenty-four hours brought back a world of memories. Good and bad. Bubba was the first. He was both, good and bad memories. However, the more I thought of the way he looked, tan, muscular, rugged and a bit older looking than the high school boy I left behind. I got all soft inside with warm fuzzy feelings about Bubba. Then I remembered Bubba represented the fact that I would never have had the chance at stardom if I stayed with him. Thinking back, I probably caused a ruckus with him just to keep my options open for LA. At the time, it seemed reasonable, but not after seeing him at the Stop-N-Go that I had internal doubts about if I made the wrong choice and should have stood by the man I loved.

Being here with my twin nieces made me realize that I was aunt material with a possibility for mom but did I want to go it alone? Thinking about Colton's offer to my sister made me smile. I wasn't in love with Colton like Bubba, but he was easy on the eyes. I hadn't been in love with Crispin or Mr. Hollywood, but that hadn't kept me from sleeping with them. Although in the two minutes, Mr. Hollywood and I were together, we didn't sleep. We just inserted slot A into slot B, grunted, adjusted with the toilet seat stall and held on to the metal walls more than each other. I could still remember the way he checked himself in the mirror before he left, like he had scored another one.

I wasn't exactly excited about my options at the moment, but I knew I had enough cash to get by for a few months, but selling my condo was just going to have to happen. Even if I did go back, I doubted I would have the type of paycheck I had before.

As for my parents, I was sure that having a sweet tea with Mrs. Champ, Bubba's mom, was just her way of preparing me for what my momma was about to bring to the table. They were due home in a few days, and Claire's planned welcome back BBQ was on the same day. I figured the sooner I had that sweet tea with Mrs. Champ, the better off I was.

Mrs. Coralline Champ was a retired beauty queen and my momma's best friend, as long as I could remember. She was also very good at being a buffer between my momma and me. She was sad when I choose to leave Alabama. She only told me once that she had hoped that things between Bubba and I had worked out.

I let out a huge breath of air from all this hard thinking and was brought back by the twins giggling. Someone had sprayed colored soap on the other side of the glass at the girls and that someone was Hooch Turner, a bad boy and troublemaker whom I knew from back in high school.

He was having fun with the girls, but he was looking at me with those waggling eyebrows like a man on the prowl. Hooch was the last man I wanted to be with, but he was always good for a laugh.

A few minutes later, Hooch was out giving the girls a sucker of their choice and thanking me for visiting his business. I was a bit impressed that he owned the place. He asked a few questions, about how long I was staying, and if I would be interested in going out while I was here. I darted my eyes to the girls several times and brought up the fact that I was here strictly on aunt visitation and that hanging out with old friends would have to wait.

Lil seemed to think that Hooch was such a great guy, that she invited him to Claire's Sunday BBQ. I did the southern hospitality thing and said 'why yes; we would love it if you could stop by, bout two I believe and don't need to bring anything, you know Claire', which was very true. My sister loved to throw Sunday barbeques. Ron loved to grill, smoke or simply hold a beer and hang with the guys. Claire loved to catch up on gossip, show off a new recipe and usually all the women brought the sides.

Just as I was hoping that Hooch didn't think the open invitation meant I was interested, the hairs on the back of my neck began to tingle. Before I could turn, I heard the squeal of two six-year olds voices sound out in delight. "Uncle Bubba! Uncle Bubba!"

I turned with a sultry smile on my face and put my hands on my hips. "Uncle Bubba! Why I do declare. Funny running into you here." He acknowledged me with a soft word of my name and a tip of his hat then he turned to Hooch.

"Hooch."

"Bubba. The usual."

"Yep."

"Got a date tonight?" Hooch had to add that. He knew our history.

"Something like that."

Hooch tipped his ratty old baseball hat at me and told me it was a pleasure, and he'd see me on Sunday. Then he mentioned to the girls that he couldn't wait to see them. They giggled, and I squirmed as Bubba stood there before me looking like a sinful cowboy. His worn jeans held legs of muscle and buns of steel. His navy blue tee shirt was worn thin and soft looking with an old faded printing about something on trackers. I had a hard time reading it past his chest muscles that seemed extra pumped up right now. Then his arms crossed his chest, his head tilted and his cowboy hat tilted down and up as he was checking me out.

"Uncle Bubba! You coming to the barbeque?" Lil was dancing a circle around him, and May was pulling on his shirt. "You coming Uncle Bubba? You coming?"

Then I had to ask in my sexiest of voices with emphasis on the Uncle part. "Yeah 'Uncle' Bubba, you coming?"

That last word out of my mouth got a look of lust and chagrin out of his face. In one fair swoop he picked up both girls and tucked them under his arms and swung them around, then put them on the ground and handed them a dollar bill and asked them to go get him a surprise out of the vending machine.

I watched the girls run to the bank of vending machines and begin to argue over what to get their 'uncle' Bubba.

I turned toward the man, once a boy, I was in love with, and smiled with a sexy smile and a tilt of my hips leaning in towards him to practically whisper to his lips. "Clever. Uncle Bubba."

His body language went on guard, and he took a step back but had that dimpled smile upon his face stayed right there. I wondered if he was fighting with feeling as much as I was, or if he wanted to steer clear of Jules Hone aka his high school sweetheart Julie Marie Howland. Then he cleared his throat. "Yeah. Well, I wasn't sure if those innocent ears should hear what I am about to say."

An instant defense went up faster than I had time to realize how sensitive I was to Bubba telling me something I didn't want to hear. "Then save it. Don't say it. I'm sure it's something mean about me. And when did they start calling you Uncle?"

"Ever since Claire's been bringing them by for my momma to see. My momma watches those girls more than yours does. Not to mention that every time your momma has them, she brings them by. So Uncle Bubba just sounded nice." His words sounded like southern drawl sexuality on the last sentence. Like he wanted to make nice with me, maybe kiss me.

I took a step back and shied away from the possibility. "I see." It made sense. My mom was the world's worst grandma when it came to babysitting, and my dad wasn't exactly babysitting material. Which brought me back to thinking, about having my own baby here in 'Bama' and who would actually be helpful. Claire for sure. Probably, Mrs. Champ, but really, who else would want to be my village.

"It's not like that Julie. Listen, I saw Claire's minivan out in the lot being dried and was on my way to the grain and feed. There is some new stuff out..." He hesitated. "On you. I just thought you might want to be prepared."

Now what could be worse than what was already out there? I raised my head high and tilted my shoulders back, which caused Bubba's eyes to wander to my newly purchased LA plastic surgeon special D cups. "I can handle it." But his eyes didn't leave my chest for a second until the girls came running back with a bag of peanut M&Ms.

"My favorite!" He chimed in, and the girls giggled something about 'you always say that'.

Hooch came back in with my keys, a tip of his hat and a, I'll see you Sunday Jules. Which no one from these parts usually called me that name, and I didn't want them to start. I would casually mention that to Hooch on Sunday.

"Well gotta run. I promised the girls an Aunt Gone Wild visit, and I think I saw a little girl's fashion shop just two blocks down."

Bubba walked us out to the parking lot, made sure the girls were buckled and then came around to the driver-side door and leaned in on the window within inches of my face. He handed me his business card, which I didn't look at until later. He tilted his hat with his hand and told me to 'drive careful now ya hear'.

That was virtually impossible because when Bubba leaned in the window, I wanted nothing more than for him to kiss me. Even in front of the girls. My heart pounded, my hands sweated on the steering wheel, and his business card was now sitting between my thighs while I drove like a mad woman to the little girl fashion store two blocks away.

Pulling up to Fashion Hut4Girls gave way to squeals of delight. They were out of their own seats and making a mad dash for the door screaming something about momma hasn't taken us here yet. Well, momma didn't have the platinum credit I had or at least have for a bit longer. So charge away my little sweeties.

Then I looked at the business card in my hand. Bubba owned a farming equipment business. Not sure what that was all about, but what I was sure of was the scribbled hand writing on the side. "Call Me! We need to talk." Problem was, Bubba and I together, for more than two minutes and no public; we didn't talk. We made out. Now that we were adults, I think it would just go that much farther. In fact, after seeing Bubba once again at the car wash, there was not a single bone in my body that did not want that man naked and coming to my rescue. No bones about it at all. Problem was; Bubba seemed a bit reluctant to give me the type of passionate attention he did so well back in high school. I had a seductive way with men that I picked up back in LA. Maybe it was time I put that into motion with Bubba. Or maybe, I needed to get my life back on track and not be worrying about jumping in the sack with my old high school sweetheart. Either way, I'd call him if I was darn good and ready to call him.

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