What Goes Around

chapter TWENTY SEVEN

‘We’re not disturbing you?’

Jess must have seen the startle of panic on my face when they drop around the next morning.

I’ve been up since five, just mortified by what happened and this is the last thing I need, but I don’t say that of course. ‘Not at all.’ I let them in. ‘I just picked Charlotte up from her sleepover,’ I say as we walk through to the kitchen. ‘I got some nice bread in the village, do you want…’

‘No thanks,’ Luke interrupts. ‘We’re not staying long.’

I flick the button on the coffee machine.

‘Can I have a bacon sandwich?’ Charlotte calls.

‘In a bit,’ I answer, because I just want to make a quick coffee to be polite and to get Luke gone. I can hardly stand to be in the same room as him but, of course, Jess hears the word bacon and tells me to put some on for her and then Luke gives a tight shrug, and, oh shit, it looks like they’re staying.

‘How was last night?’ I ask Jess.

‘Good,’ she says. ‘You know, you really ought to come along, Lucy.’

‘It’s too soon,’ I say.

‘It’s dinner,’ Jess says but I shake my head. I don’t really like going out. I haven’t got agoraphobia or anything, I just like being in my house, watching movies, reading. I like going out sometimes but as a couple. I don’t want to go to dinner and clubs and pubs with the girls.

I never have.

I’ve always been in a couple, ever since I was sixteen but Jess won’t let it go.

‘It’s better than sitting in on your own on a Friday night,’ Jess says. ‘So, what did you do?’

My face is burning.

‘Mum!’ Charlotte calls from the living room. ‘The remote’s not working.’ I add bacon to the pan and I can hear it sizzling, much the same as my face. ‘There aren’t any batteries in it.’

‘Get some from your DS.’ I shout back.

I swear to God I am never using a vibrator again. I’m going to wrap it in newspaper and put it at the bottom of the bin.

I can’t believe the places my mind went to last night.

‘You’ve been busy,’ Luke says, glancing around. The house is gleaming and, for once, I’ve got some make up on.

I really am making an effort.

We eat our bacon sandwiches and finally we address the real reason that Luke is here.

‘You need to get a job.’ He’s as blunt as ever. ‘No bank’s going to approve you without proof of income.

‘It’s too soon.’

‘It doesn’t have to be a big job,’ Jess says. ‘They just need to see you’ve got some form of income’

‘I can’t think of working,’ I shake my head. ‘It’s way too soon.’

‘Lucy,’ Luke snaps. ‘Most people get two weeks compassionate leave. You’ve had six, nearly seven.’

‘It might be good for you to get out a bit.’ Jess is far gentler than Luke. ‘I can make a couple of calls.’ I feel this sort of lurch of hope as she chats on, because she knows someone and they’re looking for personal shoppers. I could do that, I think. I know all the labels and I love clothes and I could really do that but then I feel my eyelashes fluttering in a rapid blink as I realise Jess is not talking about Debenhams, she’s talking about the supermarket.

‘No!’

F*ck that!

‘No.’ I shake my head as I say it again - I am not doing other peoples shopping for a poxy five quid an hour. ‘It’s hardly going to cover a mortgage.’ Not the one I plan to take out on the house anyway.

Except, Luke has other ideas, because it’s a tiny mortgage that he’s suggesting I apply for.

I wanted a year.

He can maybe wrangle a year.

But I’m going to have to work for it.