She throws a tomato from her sandwich at me. “You jerk.”
I peel the tomato off my shoulder and eat it. It feels good to joke around like this. “Moving on. Where do you go to school?”
“Clinton Central.” That explains why I’ve never seen her before—Clinton’s a few towns away from Whole Foods in the opposite direction of Downey. “And you go to…let me guess…Haverford Prep.”
I almost choke on my last bite of sandwich. “Why the hell would you think that?”
She studies me. “You strike me as one of those angsty, life-is-so-hard, privileged types whose daddy is making him work a part-time job to learn the value of a dollar. Why else would you be so miserable all the time?”
My good mood burns a fiery death. “You really don’t know what you’re talking about.” I push back my chair and toss the hero wrapper in the garbage. “My break’s over. Thanks for the sandwich, but please just leave me alone from now on, okay?”
I don’t know what I was thinking when I thought I could be friends with this girl. I’d wanted it to be different, to have someone fun to talk to and hang out with who wouldn’t look at me with pity. But she’s just as judgmental as everyone else.
Finding someone you can really connect with is like winning the fucking lottery—it happens basically never, but if it does, you really shouldn’t blow it.
? ? ?
May 23.
“How are you feeling?” Ryden asked me the moment I hopped off the school bus this morning.
The first thought I had was that he’d found out about the cancer. Panic. “What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? You were out sick yesterday, right? And there was that whole running-out-of-English incident the day before?”
Relief. “I’m better now. Thanks.”
“Good.”
I know I’m not supposed to think about him. No more crush. Focus on school. That’s what’s important.
I started to walk again, but he caught my arm. “Meg.”
I know this would probably sound crazy if I ever said it out loud to anyone, except maybe Mabel, but I think that was the best moment of my life so far. Because I’ve never felt anything as good as when our skin first touched. It was like time stopped. Heat passed between us like fire when his hand clasped my wrist. Okay, maybe not fire, but something really, really hot.
“Go to the dance with me tomorrow?”
Every possible answer went through my mind: Yes. No. I can’t.
I broke eye contact and looked down at my feet. Someone’s old Math II quiz was being pushed along the ground by a mild gust of wind. It was crinkly, like it had been wet and then dried in the sun. There were footprints all over it. It had been through so much, but it was still here.
“Ryden…”
“Don’t say no. Just come with me tomorrow, and if you don’t have fun, I promise I’ll never bother you again.”
There was a little tremor in his voice when he said the word “bother.” I really wanted to say yes.
The wind picked up, and the math quiz was carried away.
The parking lot was emptying out—first period was going to start soon. But I knew I had to give him an answer.
Finally, I said, “Dances aren’t really my thing.” Obviously it was the truth, since I’m not supposed to do anything overly physical lately, but it sounded stupid even to me.
He let go of my arm, looking incredibly dejected. But here’s what I still don’t get: why? He can have anyone he wants. Why me?
“That’s cool, I get it. See you later, Meg.”
“Wait!” I called out as he walked away.
He turned back.
“Do you want to do something else tomorrow night? Something more…low key?”
A huge, gorgeous grin crept over his face. “Yeah, absolutely. School dances are lame anyway. What did you have in mind?”
Honestly, we could sit on the side of the road counting cars for all I care. I just can’t wait to be alone with him. But I do have an idea: the secret beach. “You’ll see,” I said, and I still can’t believe how cool I was able to play it.
Holy crap. I’m going on a date with Ryden Brooks. Mabel’s going to flip. :-)
Chapter 5
“There’s Daddy!” my mom says to Hope as I slam the front door. She holds the baby out to me as I pass by the living room on my way to my room. “How was work?”
“It sucked.” I keep walking.
Mom follows me. “Aren’t you going to say hi to Hope?”
I stop at the door to my room and slump against the doorjamb. My fingers grip Meg’s journal. Hope’s happy and babbling in my mom’s arms, trying to grab her necklace.
“Can’t you keep her in your room tonight? I’ve had a really shitty day. I need sleep.”
“No, Ryden. I can’t.”
“But look at her—she obviously likes you better than me.”