chapter Five
Nate’s lips were infinitely softer than Claudia had ever dreamed. Her hands roamed his back, then clasped around his neck, pulling him down to her level. She rubbed her lips back and forth against his, electrified by finally being this close to him and planting one on him. Not to mention the fact that she’d actually gathered the courage to do what she’d wanted to do from the moment she opened the door.
He hadn’t opened his mouth yet, but she was working on it by tracing the outline of his lips with her tongue. He made a noise in his throat that shot thrills right to her stomach, and she topped it with her own, “Mmmmmm.”
And then she was cold, her arms empty, her heart stuttering. Her breath stopped in her lungs as she listened to the door slam closed behind him.
When it opened again, she was sitting in a straight-backed chair, elbows holding down his drawings on the table.
“I tried to take a little longer, but the monkey caught on that something was going on,” Zoe called out as she waltzed by, food in hand. “He’s coming up right now. I made him carry a few things so I could check out the scene and make sure he wouldn’t walk in on something that would haunt him for years and be burned on the back of his eyelids forever.”
Claudia would have laughed if she didn’t feel so dejected. She heard cabinets opening and closing around her, and Zoe’s footsteps quick and light. Then total silence descended for a second before the heavy tread of Justin’s step sounded in the living room.
Zoe grabbed Claudia’s chin and turned her head. “We’ll talk later,” she said, giving Claudia a one-armed hug. “For right now, you need to come up with a reason why Nate isn’t here, while putting on your happy-mom face. Quick, before Justin trundles in.”
Claudia did her best, knowing it wasn’t enough. She told her lips to lift on the edges and form a smile, but they weren’t listening. She’d made a mess of things, and now she had no idea how to make the situation any better.
But then Justin came stumbling into the kitchen under the weight of three big bags. Claudia couldn’t help but laugh. “Think you loaded him up enough, Zoe?”
“I can carry it all,” came his muffled reply from behind the white paper bags.
She got up from the table, the smile staying in place all on its own. “Let me at least help you set them down.” She took the fragrant sacks and placed them on the table. Pulling food from each, she marveled at the amount of food Zoe had purchased. “Since when are we feeding an army?”
“Well, I wasn’t sure what all to get, so I got a little of everything. It’s not like we can’t have leftovers. But we should eat the subs first. We can have lasagna for dinner tomorrow.”
“Or I could have Derek over,” Justin said, throwing himself into a chair. “I bet we could eat everything without a single problem.”
Claudia ruffled his hair, knowing full well how much he hated the gesture. But they were going through a relatively smooth period, and she figured he could stand a little riling. “No friends tonight. We have a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah, but you got to have Nate over. Why is it always different for kids?”
Which brought the incident and the kiss crashing back to her. The smile dropped from her lips in an instant.
Justin was completely oblivious as he looked around the room as if he thought Nate was hiding in one of the cupboards or under the table. “Where is Nate, anyway?”
So it was time for her excuse that she hadn’t even thought of yet. “Um, he ended up having to leave early.”
“Damn, I wanted to ask him something,” Justin said, pulling a sub over to his placemat.
“Hey!” Claudia said, once she found her tongue again. “We do not use language like that in this house.”
“I heard Aunt Zoe say it yesterday when her show was a rerun.”
Claudia turned her glare briefly to Zoe before zeroing back in on her son. “Regardless of Aunt Zoe’s potty mouth, we do not use that word here. You know better.”
“Fine.” He waved her away with one hand while he used the other to cram half the sandwich into his mouth.
“It’s not fine. I don’t want to hear that word out of you again.” Claudia sat back down, feeling that this was the last thing she needed right now.
He barely chewed his meat, bread, and cheese before swallowing. “All right, all right. I won’t say it again, but I wanted to ask Nate something, and now he’s not here. That...” He trailed off and slid a glance at Claudia from the corner of his eye. She knew what was coming and tried not to groan. “...sucks.”
“I said you can only use that word in the appropriate context. Don’t test me tonight. Why don’t you just cram the rest of the hoagie in your mouth and zip it?”
He smiled at her with a mischievous gleam in his eye. “Okay.”
She knew thinking the matter was over was too good to be true, but after the Nate debacle, she didn’t have the energy to deal. So she changed the subject while she watched in horror as the other half of the sandwich really did disappear into his mouth in seconds. She shook her head. “Nice, Justin. Now what did you have to ask Nate?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled. But at least he chewed this mouthful and a half.
“Okay.” She knew what battles to pick and choose. If it was something really important, her son would tell her. She wasn’t going to worry about it.
Zoe plopped down at the table and bit into her own sandwich. Apparently conversation was over for the next little while. Claudia took the opportunity to eat her own sandwich, thinking it didn’t matter if she had the onions at this point; she’d already messed up her chances with Nate. Kissing would probably never happen again, since she’d botched it so completely. It had been almost as awkward as when he’d tried to give her their first kiss. At least then she’d had a lack of experience to hide behind. She had nothing this time. She hoped, though, that he wouldn’t avoid her after this. This was exactly what she’d been worried about when she first thought about making him her cake. Damn Zoe for putting it into her head that Nate wanted her and had simply been waiting for her. And thank goodness she’d only said that in the confines of her head.
She glanced over at Justin to see him still chewing, and took another bite of her own dinner. He’d come out with it soon. She just hoped it wasn’t too late to make sure Nate would be there when Justin needed him. Or at the very least that she hadn’t messed things up so badly that he wouldn’t take their calls.
****
Nate sat in his garage, inside his car, long after the overhead light for the garage door opener turned itself off. What the hell had happened in Claudia’s apartment, and what did it mean?
The engine was off and the only noise was the intermittent knocking of his cooling engine. Closing his eyes, he inhaled the scent of old French fries in his car and couldn’t help seeing again the scene that kept flashing across his brain.
Claudia’s lips had settled on his, and her hands had locked around the back of his neck. He’d done his best not to step into her and take everything he could, everything she might have been offering. It felt wrong to be that close to her, and yet so right—in a bunch of ways.
What was she doing, anyway? Was this her acting out over Edward being an ass? Why would she have tried to kiss him? And there was no mistaking that it had been a kiss. It hadn’t been an accident, but he had no idea why she was trying herself out on him.
He thumped his head against the back of his seat and wondered what the living hell was wrong with him. It would mess up everything they had between them for his long-ago crush to flare up now and ruin the way things were. He groaned in frustration, trying to ignore the fact that his pants were still way too tight.
And it was a crush—he was almost sure. He’d thought about her over the years and wondered what it would be like for them to be together. He was a man, after all. He always shut down that kind of thinking as soon as it started, though, since it was pointless and frustrating. It would never happen, and most of the time he didn’t even want it to happen, since it would change their friendship from comfortable, and always there, to possibly volatile and probably unmanageable. Not to mention completely over if it didn’t work out.
The knocking of the engine stopped. Complete silence enveloped him, and he realized he was getting cramped just sitting in the car, not moving, with his head pressed back and his pants straining at the seams.
He got out of the car and slammed the door behind him. Jamming the key into the lock on the door leading into the kitchen, he barely resisted twisting the metal hard enough to break it off in the unoffending lock. All he wanted was to live a simple life and hang out with Claudia, hang out with her kid, who was funny and a kick to be around. Do his construction work and come home every day to eat and sleep, and get up to do it all again the next day.
Sure, it might not seem like the most exciting life, but he was fine with that. In fact, he preferred it to the way things used to be before he moved out of his parents’ house and got his own, with its peace and quiet. He liked being able to go out and do things and still be able to come home to silence if that was what he wanted.
He entered the kitchen, and that silence seemed to sit on his chest like a two-by-four. It pressed in on him from all sides and breathed down his neck with huffing gasps. The house was dark and would stay that way until he turned on lights. It would stay quiet until he turned on the stereo or flicked on the TV or rattled pots and pans in a kitchen that wasn’t nearly as warm or welcoming as the one in Claudia’s apartment two miles away. It lacked the life and vitality of said apartment that was half the size of his place.
“Dammit!” He threw his keys onto the counter and reached for the light switch. But with his hand hovering over the switch plate, he hesitated. He stood there frozen.
Had he already thrown something away by not responding to Claudia? Did she think he didn’t want her because he’d run like a coward? What exactly did she want from that kiss?
He had tried to put it down to hormones, or possibly Peter being back, as he drove home. Why else would she have kissed him when she never had before? But then he thought about the fluttering eyelashes from the other day and her getting so close to him over the last few days. Was there a message there that he had totally been deliberately missing? And if there was, what on earth was he going to do about it?
****
The dreaded Sunday had come. It had occurred to Claudia that morning that she should probably prepare Justin for meeting his biological father for the first time. She had avoided the thought for the last several days, hoping she wouldn’t actually have to do anything. But now that the day had arrived, she was going to have to address the subject. Damn.
Because she tried to learn her lesson after Justin’s whining from Friday about her not respecting his privacy in his room, Claudia knocked on his bedroom door. He’d better answer it quick, or his whole bid for privacy was going to go out the window, along with about twenty of his favorite games.
“Coming!” he yelled. Why the child had to do everything at maximum volume was beyond her.
He opened the door without having to yank it through a ton of trash on his floor. This made her absurdly pleased, but most likely today was going to be one of those days where you took what you could get and cherished it like gold, even if it was only a lump of coal.
“Hey, Mom! What’s up?” He was still in his pajamas but looked cheery. Another thing she would gladly take.
“It’s going to be time to get ready soon. Remember, we have that lunch at Aunt May’s house today. I want you in your good clothes, not a holey T-shirt.” Leaning against the doorjamb, she tried to be inconspicuous about her roaming eyes as she took in his relatively clean room. Well, that might be a little too optimistic. How about his not-as-messy room? “Wear the button-down shirt and a clean pair of jeans, at least.”
“Can I wear my Converses?”
Ugh. She really wanted to say no, since the things should have stayed in the trash where she’d put them last week, but was it worth the fight? Probably not. “Fine, but make sure the shirt is tucked in.”
“Okay,” he said as he began closing the door in her face.
She put her palm against the wood, keeping it open. “I think we should talk for a few minutes.”
His smile drooped a little around the corners. “Why?”
“Because I think we should. Now, do you want to do this in your room?” She suppressed a shudder. “Or can you come out into the living room for a sec?”
“I guess I’ll come out to the living room,” he said, grudgingly.
There was nothing like a grudging consent to get a difficult conversation off on the right foot.
Zoe must have been lurking in the kitchen, because she emerged with three cups of hot chocolate and a plate of toast. “I thought we’d get the day started right, since it might not continue to go that way.”
“Not helping,” Claudia said under her breath so only Zoe could hear her.
“But I’m trying. Doesn’t that get me brownie points? Plus, I promised to be on my best behavior today, and hot chocolate with dunking toast will go a long way toward that goal.”
Claudia sighed. Truthfully, she had been hoping to do this without Zoe’s interference. Of course, she could ask her sister to leave, but it wouldn’t accomplish anything. And she’d known there would be more than just herself in charge when she decided to move into this home with her sister instead of striking out on her own with Justin. “Fine, but try to keep your mouth shut.”
“Mum’s the word, dear sister.”
“Yeah, right.”
Justin plunked himself down on the sofa. Claudia chose the chair, and Zoe plopped down on the floor. They all dipped buttered bread into hot chocolate for a few moments before Claudia got the conversation rolling. Perhaps the chocolate would mellow out the conversation. She could always hope.
“So, Justin, Peter is most likely going to be there at Aunt May’s house.”
“Yep.” He popped another soggy piece of bread in his mouth.
“And I just wanted to know if you had any questions or concerns that you wanted me to address before we got there.”
“Nope.” Another piece of bread went in.
“Nothing?” She tried to keep the incredulousness out of her voice, but the glare Zoe shot at her told her she had been wrong.
“No, nothing. Can I go now?” No more toast popping this time, but his mouth was set in a line she knew was seconds away from quivering with near tears.
“I’d really like to talk about this with you, Justin. I can’t imagine that it’s all just as peachy-keen fine as you’re trying to make it out to be. Talk to me and we’ll sort things out before we get there.” Zoe pinched Claudia’s calf through her pajama pants, but Claudia ignored her.
“There’s nothing to sort out, Mom. I’ll be just fine. The guy didn’t want me all those years ago, and I don’t want him now. So I’m just going to go and see all my real family, and hope Grandpa will give me something cool, and then come home and play some video games.” He got up this time without waiting for her to let him go. He didn’t precisely stomp back to his room, but it was a close thing.
She was so tempted to go after him, to explain that Peter’s desertion had never had anything to do with Justin, but she didn’t have any new words to give him, and obviously the ones she’d been saying for years had never penetrated.
Resting her head back against the top of the couch, Claudia released the breath she’d been holding, while letting just one single tear leak from her eye. “Well, I guess that didn’t go nearly as bad as it could have gone. Right?” She rolled her head to look at Zoe still sitting on the floor, eating the rest of the toast.
“Sure, Claudia. He could have actually stomped down the hall instead of merely shuffling loudly.”
“You’re not helping.” Closing her eyes, Claudia took a deep breath. “Should I go follow him?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes, honestly. I’m not going to ask you to lie to me.”
“Then, no. I think you should let him go. He’s probably anxious and nervous right now. You gave him the opportunity to open up to you if he needed to, and he knows you’re here for him. I think that’s all you can do at this point without making him angry and defensive. If you keep going at him about it, then he’s going to think his response is wrong or his feelings are wrong, and that will just make things worse.” Zoe rose from the floor, taking the empty toast plate with her.
Claudia took a sip of her rapidly cooling hot chocolate. Perhaps there was only so much she could do, but that didn’t stop her from feeling helpless—and hopeless that today was going to pass by without a serious hiccup in her stride and Justin’s.
****
A lazy Sunday morning ranked right up there with some of the finer things in life, as far as Nate was concerned. The buzz of lawnmowers run by more energetic people than himself created a dull hum to punctuate how little Nate planned on doing today. He’d told Claudia he might show at the lunch at May’s today, but he was still debating whether that would be a good idea.
Rolling across his big king-sized bed, he grabbed the remote control from the nightstand and flipped on the flat screen he’d hung on the wall opposite the bed. Stacking his hands behind his head, he let the sheet ride low on his hips. This was the life. Quiet mornings with no one else to take care of, no plans but those he made, and no demands on his time that he didn’t want.
The news played low across the room. He watched with half his attention because the other half was gnawing on the thought of Claudia and how she had kissed him last night. He had told himself it was a fluke, but he was hard pressed to believe that in the light of day.
What if she did want more? What if his lazy Sunday morning involved lying in bed with a half-dressed Claudia, her hair spread out against his navy-blue pillowcase? Morning snuggling and her giggle under the covers. A knock on the door as they covered up for Justin to come busting through the bedroom door and jump on the bed, demanding Nate come out to play baseball with him in the backyard…
He could almost see it, and that frightened him. He and Claudia enjoyed a comfortable friendship, a way of having each other’s backs without smothering. Sharing the little things and the big things. If they did get together, they’d still have all that plus the giggles under the covers, but the potential for disaster was bigger, since it could all be gone in the time it took to utter one or two words that couldn’t be taken back in an argument.
Restless now with his thoughts and doubts, Nate climbed out of bed, heading for the shower. The phone rang before he could get there. He thought about leaving it to the answering machine, but since today was the big lunch day, he picked it up. It could be Claudia in need of some last-minute support. He wasn’t planning on going to the lunch at May’s until it was nearly over, simply because he didn’t know how much Peter he could stand in a day. Being available for Claudia was important, though.
As soon as Nate picked up the receiver, Justin started talking in a low voice. “Can you talk, Nate? I have a problem, and I think I need a man-to-man talk.”
It was the equivalent of the emergency girl meetings held by Claudia, Zoe, and May, and Nate knew enough to take the call seriously. “What’s up, buddy? Are you getting ready for the lunch over at your Aunt May’s house?” Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, he realized it was only eight-thirty in the morning, too early for Claudia to start everyone dressing for a lunch.
“Not yet. Even my mom isn’t that fanatical about stuff.”
Nate laughed at the way Justin almost mirrored Nate’s thoughts. “Good word, guy. I guess you are learning some stuff in school.”
Normally Justin would have laughed, too, but he didn’t this time. It made Nate pull up his joking immediately.
“What’s up, guy? Do you need me to come get you for an hour or so? Talk to your mom?” Nate tried to never come between Justin and Claudia, and he certainly did everything he could not to step on her parental toes, but this might be the one time he overrode that unspoken rule.
“Nah, Mom wouldn’t take too well to me leaving right now. My grandparents are coming to get me in about thirty minutes to go to church, but I have to talk to you. I’m in my closet with the cordless. Can you talk?”
“Of course, Justin. What do you need?” Nate’s shower could definitely wait for this.
There was a long pause on the other end on the line, but Nate waited. Justin was one of those kids who could not be prodded to open up. He had to come out with it in his own time.
“My mom just tried to talk to me about Peter being my biological father.”
“How’d that go?” This was a touchy subject no matter how you looked at it or when you tried to address it.
“Not so good. I left the room when she tried to get me to tell her how I felt. I hate all that sappy crappy talk.”
Nate didn’t call him on the crappy thing since he himself would have said much worse. “Okay. And now you’re hiding out in your closet?”
“Well, kind of. I don’t want her to say anything else, because she always gets this really sad look in her eyes when she talks about me not having a father. And it bugs the crap out of me because I don’t think I missed out on anything, especially because I have you. But I can’t tell her that, because then she gets all teary-eyed and says things like ‘I’m sorry he left you,’ and then it gets worse. I just avoid it altogether, usually, but now that this bozo is here, I can’t anymore. And I really, really do not want to see him today, but Mom’s going to make me. It’s going to be a really screwed-up day. You know?”
His words had all come out in a rush, but Nate knew where he was coming from. “Look, Justin, I’m going to be straight with you, okay?”
A brief hesitation and then Justin said, “Okay.”
“Your mom does her best job with you. And part of her best job is to make sure that you’re loved and to also make sure that if you have to talk to someone you know you can talk to her, even if it’s an uncomfortable conversation.”
Justin’s sigh gusted through the phone. “I know.”
“So part of that whole thing involves her bringing up subjects that you might think don’t need to be talked about but ones your mom isn’t sure how you feel about, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Then it follows that she wants you to know you can talk to her about Peter if you want. I know she hasn’t always said a lot about him, hardly anyone does, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t exist.”
“I wish he didn’t.”
“But if he didn’t, then you wouldn’t, and that would take a certain midget light out of my life.” A laugh from Justin followed that felt like a pot of gold at the end of this thorny rainbow.
“Yeah, who would you have to trounce you at basketball if I wasn’t around?”
“No one, and that would be so sad for my ego.” Nate smiled and sat on the end of his bed. “Look, my best advice is to go in there today and show Peter what a good guy you are and what a great job your mom has done raising you. You don’t have to interact with him any more than you want to, but I know your Aunt May is anxious for you to meet Peter, since this is the first time he’s come home after you were born. But you have every right to treat him like a stranger. You don’t have to call him Dad or give him a hug or anything. You just go in, say hi, tell him you love your mom, and then walk out with your head up. He’s the one who lacks something, not you. He’s the one who missed out, not you, and certainly not your mom. You’re a great guy, and he’ll know that right away. Got it?”
“You’re the best, Nate. Thanks for not getting all girly-gushy on me.”
“That’s what guys are for, Justin. Hang in there. Give your mom a break in all this, and have a good time. I can’t wait to see what Roger thinks you want from his possessions. Maybe he’ll give you one of those dead stuffed animal heads on the wall of his study.”
Justin pretended to gag, and they chatted for a few more moments before Justin said his grandparents were there to pick him up and his mom was banging on the door. Nate set the phone down on the nightstand and stood massaging the back of his neck for a moment. He hoped he had done the right thing. It felt like the right thing, so it couldn’t be all bad.
Grabbing his towel, he moved toward the shower again. And the phone rang, again. He really needed to think about installing Caller ID. Who else was calling him on a Sunday morning?
“Hello?”
“Hey, Nate, my boyo,” his grandmother said in far too frail a voice. “You need to come over here and help your granny. I think I’m not in too good a shape, and your mom’s out doing some grocery shopping while all those churchgoers are pretending to do more than preen in their fancy clothes. Might be a heart attack or something. If you could hurry?”
Nate was already out the door and in his car with the cordless still against his ear. “I’ll be right there.” He floored it, not caring that he only wore sleeping pants and yesterday’s T-shirt.
Throwing the phone on the seat, he made a beeline for his mom’s house and whatever happened to be waiting for him there. It looked like he might not be able to make the lunch today, but he was sure Claudia and Justin would do just fine without him tagging along to run interference that they wouldn’t need. They were strong and had each other. They always had.
****
“For the last time, Zoe, I’m fine!” Claudia enunciated each word clearly and slowly, as if explaining a particularly difficult concept to a small child. They had an hour left until the lunch at May’s, and Zoe had not let up, even for a second, since Claudia had tromped into her room hoping to escape Zoe’s presence and unwanted fashion consult on Claudia’s closet.
Slamming the armoire door closed, Claudia whipped around, blonde hair flying in her face, to stare her sister down. She knew she sounded bitchy, but she didn’t care anymore. This day could just go right to hell. She’d gladly provide the handbasket.
She understood that Zoe wanted her to look good for this meeting, to “wow” Peter, in Zoe’s words. But after her initial thoughts of panic and making him miss what he’d thrown away, she no longer wanted to deal with that kind of crap. She just wanted to survive it. He would be gone soon, and she wouldn’t be a thought in his head—the same as it had been for ten years. Dressing the part of some vixen was not going to change that. In fact, she didn’t want it to. Part of her almost wanted to dress dowdy so as not to draw attention to herself. Pull out another pair of flats and fade into the wallpaper. Though that went against everything female inside her, it was still tempting. Not that Zoe the Harpy would let her.
In the end, she’d decided she was actually going to pull a Peter—get in, get what she wanted, and get the hell out before the fireworks started.
Zoe flopped onto her back on Claudia’s satin bedspread and heaved an exaggerated sigh as she lifted her sandal-clad feet into the air and pointed her painted toes toward the ceiling. “All I’m saying is that you should at least think about wearing something sexy. It would be good for your ego, especially now. You can go, devastate him wearing one of your new fabulous dresses, and leave him breathing hard.”
“This from the woman who won’t even give a certain lawyer a chance? I find it hard to believe you feel that way.” Claudia stuck her tongue out, but then immediately turned serious. “And it’s not that simple. Sure, the awe at my current beauty would be great, but what if Peter tries to talk to me? What do I do then? ‘Hi, Peter, how are you? It’s been a long time. Oh, by the way, your son is growing like a weed and becoming a wonderful person along the way, but I guess that wasn’t important enough for even a phone call in the last ten years? Your whole family was able to connect with this great kid in some way, but not you.’ That would go over really well.” Her voice almost dripped with sarcasm. She took great satisfaction in slamming hangers back and forth in her closet, looking for something to wear that said, “I did fine without you, now go home!”
Zoe had been only fifteen when Peter left Claudia pregnant, but she was one of the few people Claudia had confided in when she was scared, terrified of giving birth and doing it alone. Of all people, Claudia thought her sister understood. She’d been there when Claudia had peed on the first pregnancy indicator—and the second, and the third. She’d gone with Claudia to all her doctor’s appointments. She’d held Claudia’s hand when Claudia had told their parents that she was going to have a baby. Why was she pushing so hard, knowing so much about how this was not some lark?
For her part, Zoe wasn’t without sympathy. “I’ll tell you what, Claude. I’ll walk in first and do reconnaissance. I’ll keep him distracted and won’t let him talk to you at all. But I still think you should wear the sexy outfit, or at least one that shows off a little cleavage. And your hair has to be perfect. He needs to pay at least a little for walking out.” Zoe stopped and stared at her feet as she rotated her ankles clockwise—her only brush with exercise.
“I’m not interested in him paying for anything.” But in her head she couldn’t deny the little spark of something that said it wouldn’t be a bad thing to look great when she had to face Peter again. She’d ignore him, but if he couldn’t ignore her… Well, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.
She shooed Zoe out and got down to the business of looking fabulous. She ignored the ringing phone, trusting Zoe to get it while she pulled out her brushes, compacts, lipstick, and eyeliner.
“Are you ready?” Zoe called through the door twenty minutes later. Thankfully, May had chosen the day the shop was closed to have this lunch, since everyone was involved, but Zoe was driving her crazy with being a time cop.
Claudia thunked her head against her dressing table. This was such an incredibly, horribly bad idea. What had she been thinking? She couldn’t sit in the same room with Peter without a care in the world. She had been thinking exactly nothing. She shouldn’t be going at all.
“Come on, Claude. We need to leave right now if we’re going to get to May’s on time.” She banged on the door this time, probably to emphasize her point.
Not that Claudia needed any kind of emphasis. Her stomach was already heaving with rabid squirrels.
More knocking.
“Damn it, Zoe, I’m coming.” Shoving herself up from the padded vanity chair, she took one last minute to check her hair and her makeup. She looked fine. She wasn’t going to worry about it anymore. Either she was ready or she wasn’t. It was as simple as that.
And beyond that, she wasn’t the one who had left. He was, so he should be the one worrying about how he looked and what his reception would be like.
“Come on, Claudia, put a rush on it. We need to go!”
More banging, and Claudia wanted to bang her head against the wall. “I’m coming. Hold your freaking horses.” She satisfied her need to bang by slamming her bedroom door open and stalking down the hall. “You wanted me to take the time to look fabulous, and now all of a sudden you’re trying to rush me out of the house. What gives? Mom and Dad aren’t picking up Justin from church for another half an hour, and lunch doesn’t even start until at least one. What’s the rush?”
Zoe flicked her hair over her shoulder and looked over Claudia’s shoulder at the wedding picture that had hung on the wall since their mother and father had originally lived here twenty years ago.
“Zoe, I’m over here.” Claudia snapped her fingers.
“Yep. Ready to go?”
Claudia planted herself in front of her sister. “No, I’m ready to hear what’s going on that you won’t look at me.”
The phone chose that moment to ring.
“Okay, let’s get a move on. We don’t want to be late for the lunch. That would be horribly rude, wouldn’t it? To be late? So, we should go. Right now. Right. Now.” Zoe pushed and prodded, but Claudia leaned back against her as best she could in her three-inch heels.
The answering machine kicked on a second before Claudia snatched the cordless phone off the end table. She stood with the phone in her hand while their message played. Then she cut her eyes over to Zoe when a man started talking.
“Zoe? Did we have a bad connection or another malfunction? I’m waiting for your answer regarding dinner. You have my card, please call back. And let your business partners know all the paperwork will be ready in a few weeks. Perhaps we could have that champagne toast to celebrate. I’ll look forward to hearing from you and hopefully seeing you again soon.”
The machine beeped and the message light flickered. Claudia took her time turning toward Zoe. She placed a hand on her hip and used the other hand to point the phone at her sister. “And who might that be?”
“That might be Grandma.” Zoe shrugged and continued to avoid all eye contact.
“Try again. Grandma didn’t start taking testosterone in the last three days since I talked to her.”
“That might be Justin’s principal calling to see if you want a parent-teacher meeting.”
“Didn’t sound like it to me.” Claudia dropped the phone on the couch.
Zoe heaved a sigh. “That might be our lawyer, who won’t take no for an answer.”
“And why would our lawyer be calling you about champagne celebrations?”
“We really should get going.” Zoe headed out the door with Claudia close on her heels.
“But I want to talk about Mr. Zegray,” Claudia said in a sing-song voice as they walked down the outside staircase. “Or is it Dexter? The Dex-Man. Is he ambi-Dex-trous?”
Color shot into Zoe’s face. “It’s Dex.” She opened the car door and practically threw herself into the driver’s seat.
“Ooh, Dex. And is Dex a total paper-bag wearer? Is he a doggie? Was he thwacked by the ugly stick? Need extra deodorant? A candidate for the Darwin Award? I thought he made you hot to trot.”
Cranking the key too hard, Zoe whipped around and faced Claudia. “No, all right? No, he’s not a doggie. He’s actually extremely cute and pretty damn sexy, too. But he’s a total Dog with a capital D.”
“Oh, sorry.” Claudia clipped her seatbelt and smoothed her dress over her thighs. She let the silence hang in the air for a few blocks while Zoe drove with her eyes straight forward. “So, really cute?”
Zoe sighed, and her shoulders slumped. “Extremely cute.”
“Irrefutable proof he’s a capital-D Dog?”
Another sigh. “I don’t know how else you can explain five bouquets to five different women in as many weeks.”
“Oh.” Yeah, that didn’t look good, and even though Claudia might want her sister to get out and actually find someone who would make her heart sing, she also didn’t want her to get crushed before she even made it out the door. A womanizer was a sure way to get stomped.
“Yeah, sucks.” Zoe made the left onto May’s street.
“But Uncle Al likes him.”
“Just because he could be a good lawyer doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a good human being.”
And didn’t that just about sum it up? Peter had been a good person but a miserable father-to-be for the few months he’d stuck around. Nate was oblivious and was a good friend, but there was no guarantee he’d be a better lover than a friend. Why couldn’t things be simpler? And this was a funny time to be asking that question, since she was about to walk into the figurative lion’s den and come head to head with Peter for the first time in a long time.
****
It was a letdown to get all the way to May’s and have Peter out and about somewhere. Claudia had wanted to walk in, face him down, and then have that over with. Instead she would have to wait. She was not very good at waiting.
May came into the kitchen where Claudia was taking a breather for a moment in anticipation of Peter coming back. She had been trying to think where she should be when he arrived so as not to be caught off guard or in a position of less power. The kitchen was her only option at this point. The familiar environment was calming to her nerves. And if things got too bad, she could always whip up a cake to burn off some of her nervous energy.
May came breezing in with a smile on her perpetually happy face. Why couldn’t Claudia have that?
“So what are the plans for the addition to Decadence like, Claude?” May asked, opening the freezer to fill up the ice bucket again.
“Oh, I, um, didn’t understand them.”
Turning around, May pierced her with a look. “Nate didn’t explain them to you?”
“Well, he didn’t stay around long enough for us to get into that.” That was an understatement.
“What did he stay around long enough to get into?” May’s chuckle was knowing, but it made a hard ball of regret sink into Claudia’s stomach.
“Nothing.”
The smile turned down a bit as May stared at her. “Emergency girl meeting?”
“Nah, it’ll be fine.” As soon as she got over feeling like a complete nitwit, at least.
“And you’re being cryptic.”
She was, but she did not want to broach this subject when Peter could walk in at any moment. That would be beyond awkward. She changed the subject. “How is it, having Peter back home?”
“It’s nice, I guess.” May wouldn’t look Claudia in the eyes. “He hasn’t been back here in over ten years, and it’s nice to see him in the house again. I feel so divided over everything, though.” Her gaze flicked up to Claudia, then back down quickly to the ice bucket in her hands. “He is my brother, and we hung out for years before we even met you and Zoe. I don’t know.” She went at the stubborn ice cubes from the bucket with a little too much force, in Claudia’s opinion. “He’s out right now picking up some last-minute things for me. He should be here any moment, actually.” She turned to get more ice. When she turned back, her expression was no longer dreamy, but sad. “I just wish he’d had more to do with Justin all these years, so this didn’t have to be so awkward for everyone.”
“More to do with him?” Claudia tried hard to keep the sarcasm out of her voice. “Don’t you mean anything?”
May stiffened. “This is a subject we’re not going to be able to agree on, so let’s drop it. I’m angry with him, too, but he’s still my family.”
Claudia felt like a heel. “No, you’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m just on edge. I don’t want to fight with you.”
May moved in for a hug. “I don’t want to fight, either. I don’t want to be on the outs with you.”
Claudia let herself be held and then stepped back. “We’ll get through this fine. I’ve done well for myself over the years, and I’m not pining after him, so I bet it won’t even be a problem. Plus, it has been over ten years, like you said. I doubt we’ll even really come in contact with each other while he’s here for the week.”
“Yeah. How is Zoe doing with everything? Do you think she’ll be on her best behavior?” May picked up a tray of relish and set it back down. She put the paper towels in the refrigerator and the butter in the sink.
“Zoe promised to be good. I guess we’ll have to take her at her word. But I might not be here very long. I’m going to do my best, though, to hang tough.” Claudia watched May for another few moments while she moved the salt and pepper shakers to the window sill. “Something wrong?”
“Ah, no. Why?”
Claudia pulled the paper towels out of the refrigerator, put the salt and pepper on the table, and placed the butter back on the counter. “You seem distracted all of a sudden. Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”
May shook her head and laughed. “I’m positive. I’m just a little out of sorts.” She dusted her hands off on a kitchen towel, then grabbed the tray of relish again. “Let’s get everything out on the table. I’m sure the guys are hungry.”
“Don’t we want to wait for everyone else to get here? I haven’t seen Mom and Dad yet, and they’re bringing Justin.” Which would be a set of fireworks all on its own. “They’ll be here soon. I’m sure Brad’s fine with entertaining Zoe for a bit. No one else needs anything.”
“Zoe doesn’t need entertaining,” Zoe said, appearing in the kitchen doorway to the living room. “She does, however, want to finally corner Claudia to talk about what happened with Nate yesterday afternoon. Since you’ve avoided me for the last twenty-four hours, I thought I’d wrangle May into helping me get you to spill what happened.”
Claudia opened her mouth to respond and nothing came out but a squeak. “I don’t know what happened.” Claudia felt her cheeks grow bright red and knew she was doomed. Here came the interrogation. With Peter most likely on his way here, she did not want to have this conversation right here and right now.
“Interesting. Very interesting,” Zoe said. “What’s the blush for?”
“Nothing.” Claudia washed her hands at the sink, then turned around to ask May what else there was to do, completely ignoring Zoe’s question.
“It’s all finished,” May said with a smug smile. “But you’re not doing anything but explaining that flush to your face.” May threw a dish towel over her shoulder, then leaned back against the counter.
“Nothing’s going on.” Claudia washed her hands again and kept her back to them.
May’s hand landed on Claudia’s left shoulder just as Zoe’s landed on her right.
“You can’t hide from us.” And Zoe wasn’t going to let her.
May must have had the same idea. “We’re not leaving this kitchen until you tell us what’s happening.”
This ought to be interesting and could definitely be tough. Claudia had spent a lot of time building up walls, and sometimes she could outlast the most avid askers. That didn’t always hold true when dealing with her two best girl friends, though.
“I was just talking to Nate to see how his day was going.” That was certainly true to some extent.
“And that made you blush—why? You’ve talked to Nate about the very same thing every day for years.” May seemed to be enjoying herself way too much with this. Claudia wracked her brain to come up with a way to get them onto a different topic, but nothing was coming to her.
“But maybe she finally screwed up her courage to do more than bat her eyelashes at him.” Zoe squinted at Claudia, then laughed. “Oh, yeah, looks like I may have hit the nail on the head.”
“What is this? Where was I?” May looked back and forth between Claudia and Zoe.
“It was nothing,” Claudia said.
“Nothing?” Zoe said loudly enough for Claudia to hush her. “That’s not what you said after Nate left without going over the plans with you.” She turned to May. “You should have seen her face and the way her lips were all rosy when Justin and I came back from picking up some hoagies. She said she’d explain to me what happened but then magically was not available after that. She even took an hour-long shower last night to avoid me.”
“I was not exactly avoiding you.”
“Oh, yes, you were! And you’re trying to get out of talking about it now.”
Claudia blew out an exasperated sigh. Apparently, they would be doing this here and now instead of waiting. If Peter walked in, she’d just do what damage control she could. Or she would just not care, since he had nothing to do with her anymore. That was the better option.
Zoe shuffled around the kitchen, rearranging all the other things May had put into the wrong places, while Claudia explained the kiss in the kitchen and May squealed.
“Well, the only problem is that he’s acting like nothing happened. I’m confused, but I’m still going for it. He’s not going to ignore me this time.” Her resolve was firm, just as long as his wasn’t as firmly set to keep his distance from her.
“Absolutely! So are you going to take him out on a date?” Zoe asked. “I can stay home and hang out with Justin.”
The kitchen door swung open and all conversation stopped when Peter walked onto May’s red-and-white-checked linoleum. He stared at the three of them, and they stared back. Claudia held her breath. Zoe had a tendency to blurt the first thing that came to mind. While it would probably serve him right, it would be terribly unflattering and would probably upset May more than she already was. Not worth it, especially since it would not be conducive to getting through this with her dignity intact.
Claudia wanted to see if Zoe was fuming but found herself locked in a stare-down with Peter, a faint smile on her face. Should she be plotting revenge, or reliving old memories? Taking comfort in what could be with Nate, or wondering what could have been with Peter?
Even that thought was cut off when Justin, followed by her parents, stepped through the door right behind Peter.
****
Peter Drake heard the commotion behind him but couldn’t take his eyes off Claudia Bradley. She was stunning in a soft-looking, short-sleeved black dress that stopped mid thigh and flirted with her enhanced curves. He stood transfixed, seeing the girl he’d fumbled around with in the back seat of his Mustang had morphed into this exquisite woman. She still had the clearest gray eyes he’d ever seen.
Time seemed to stop, and the very air grew still in his sister’s kitchen. So many images skittered across his mind. Laughing with Claudia, tugging on her long braid to tip her head back so he could kiss her, the way the backs of her hands were always so soft when she’d brush them against his cheek.
But then a childish voice said, “Excuse me, sir,” walking past him.
The connection between him and Claudia broke. He looked down to see the child and stared into his own brown eyes. His first urge was to ruffle the dark hair a couple shades lighter than his own. He noticed the missing eyetooth and felt his own adult eyetooth with his tongue.
The sound of someone clearing her throat jerked his gaze up to the woman standing to the boy’s right. Claudia’s mother shook her head and let a small frown take over her face.
He got her message, though it had been a long time since she’d looked at him. Since she’d done any kind of communication with him, silent or otherwise. He’d always been her favorite, and he was surprised she’d even look at him at this point.
“Mona,” he said, trying to still the quiver in his voice. He’d never allowed himself to even look at the pictures May sent him or the ones she carried in her wallet and tried to shove in his face. It wasn’t in his nature to look back once he’d made a decision. He’d stuck with that all these years, but now he feared he might not be able to walk away unscathed or unaffected by this afternoon. Damn May and his father for making this unavoidable.
“It’s a surprise to see you here...Sparky.” Mona placed a protective arm around the boy’s shoulders and pulled him into her side.
Somehow she made his old nickname sound like “jackass,” but he probably deserved no less. And he was very aware she hadn’t called him by name. Now wasn’t the time to introduce himself to his son, not in the middle of the kitchen, with his hands full of grocery bags.
“It’s a surprise to be here, Mrs. Bradley. I...um...should hand these things to...” He couldn’t think of his sister’s name. Ah-ha! “May. I should give these things to May.” With jerky movements, he handed the bags to May and was careful to avoid Claudia’s eyes. There was so much tension in the tiny kitchen it felt like it was going to explode. Should he excuse himself? Did the boy know who he was? Care who he was? He would keep things vague. He didn’t know what the boy had been told, but he didn’t want to make waves. This was the first time he was face to face with him, but he didn’t want to make any promises he couldn’t keep.
And since he’d given away his rights all those years ago, he didn’t want to anger Claudia now by trying to slip in under her radar. In fact, he doubted Mrs. Bradley would let him.
What exactly had he given up all those years ago? And would he ever be able to get the boy’s face out of his head? Did he want to? Did he deserve to? The child looked healthy. Peter continued to stare at the miniature version of himself, so similar to how he’d looked almost twenty years ago.
When he first pulled into the driveway at his sister’s house, he’d remained in the car for a moment and rested his head on the steering wheel. He didn’t want to go in and face Claudia, much less the boy. He couldn’t even bring himself to call the boy his son. Because he wasn’t.
Peter may have donated the sperm, but he’d never been a father. How could he face the woman he’d professed to love and then left?
He’d grabbed the bags in the back seat and exited the car. He would face her the same way he’d faced business associates through the years. He wasn’t a coward. At least he wasn’t anymore.
And if she wouldn’t even look at him, he’d deal with it. He’d bluff his way through. But now that he was faced with both Claudia and the boy, he didn’t think bluffing was going to do him any good.
“You can put the stuff away.” May gave him back the bags.
Everyone else left the room en masse, no one speaking except for the boy’s chattering. He had never felt more alone in a crowd.
“Make sure you stash the cheese and whatever else you got into the refrigerator. Oh, and thanks for picking everything up,” May said as he continued to stand there, the bags dangling from his hands. “I have this one last tray to set out, and then we’re ready to eat.”
“Okay.”
Something about his one-word response must have hit her wrong, because she put the tray down and really looked at him. She grabbed his chin and turned his head from side to side. “I know that was hard, and I wish there had been more preparation. Are you going to be all right? Did anything happen while you were out?”
“I simply went to the grocery store, May. I’ll be fine.” He ducked behind the refrigerator door, not wanting her to be able to see his face. He’d stay in here forever if he could, to avoid looking her in the eyes right now. He’d been in front of a woman and baby in the grocery store line earlier. He’d made it through the line with his purchases and paid from his wallet, where there weren’t any pictures of the child he’d helped create. The woman behind him was gushing about her newborn and had nearly an accordion file of those plastic inserts to hold wallet-sized photos, all of them filled.
“Isn’t he the cutest thing?” she’d said. “I mean, the birth was hard and all, but to hold him in my arms, to snuggle him—it’s the best feeling in the whole wide world.”
He’d gathered his two plastic bags as she pulled an envelope out of her bag and removed more pictures, putting them on the little panel normally used for signing credit card receipts. The cashier cooed over each new image, and Peter walked out of the grocery store with their words ringing in his ears. The encounter had haunted him the whole way back to the house.
“You can talk to me, you know,” May said now, tugging on the back of his belt.
“It was nothing.”
“It wasn’t ‘nothing’ if you won’t even look at me. It’s also not ‘nothing’ if you’re not telling me to stop pulling on your fancy dress pants because it will ruin the perfect crease.”
She had him there, but now wasn’t the time to bring all this churning up. “Can we talk about it later?” It would at least appease her until he could figure out how to broach a subject he had never let her talk about to him.
“Look at me first.”
“I’m trying to put the groceries away. Don’t you have guests to see to?”
But apparently she wasn’t falling for it. He hadn’t heard her leaving the room, and he felt silly with his head all but buried in the cake sitting on the top shelf. Backing out, he turned slowly to face his sister, someone he’d shared all his secrets with until he’d started dating Claudia.
“Do you promise to talk later?” She folded her hands at her stomach and gave him an unblinking stare.
“Yes, I promise. I will speak with you about it later. After everyone has gone.” Especially Claudia. God, how was he going to face her at the table? And the child would probably sit right next to her. Should he try to pull her aside and find out what the boy knew before they sat down? Maybe Peter would simply stay in the kitchen all afternoon.
But there was May, tugging him into the next room with one hand while her other balanced the tray of lettuce, tomato, onions, and pickles. He came along willingly, not wanting to ruin the food. He could handle this. He was a professional. He’d been through uncomfortable meetings before. He could suck it up, be in an awkward position, without a single person knowing for sure that he wasn’t fine.
This would be no different. Except it was, as soon as he cleared the door, came into the dining room where everyone congregated, and saw Claudia again. She looked exactly as she had in high school, full of vibrancy and life. A spark of light in a room crowded with shadows.
Her sister Zoe raised an eyebrow to him when she saw his gaze stay on Claudia. She shook her head at him, and almost looked smug. But a part of him broke off and dissipated, knowing Claudia was here but would most likely avoid him for the whole time.
And if she didn’t have a ring on and was here by herself, did it mean she was still available? He hadn’t heard that she’d married or was dating anyone seriously. But then again, he hadn’t asked. He didn’t think May would have kept that kind of information to herself, though.
He didn’t have time to dwell on that horrible path for long, since Brad came up and clapped him on the shoulder and began talking stocks and bonds. This conversation he could understand and participate in. The one scheduled with May later this evening had the spit drying up in his mouth.
****
“Are you going to be okay?” Zoe slipped a hand into Claudia’s and squeezed as they sat on the couch in May’s living room.
Taking stock, Claudia nodded. Sure, she’d put on thirty pounds since high school. Originally she’d called it the baby fat left over from her pregnancy, but she highly doubted she could still claim the same thing after ten years. Her fat was as old as her son. Jeez, that was nothing if not severely depressing.
But she’d be fine. There was something almost surreal about being in the same room with Peter after so long, but she’d survive. “I’m fine. I should probably go say hello to him so we don’t have to circle each other all afternoon.”
“I think that’s a bad idea. He should have to come to you.”
“Yeah, well, that’s what you think. And since I’m the one who has to live with it, I think I should go with my gut instinct.” She set her cup on an end table and straightened her skirt, watching Brad and Peter talking near the other couch across the room. May’s dad sat in an easy chair, drifting between sleep and wakefulness.
It would be easier to do this on her own terms and surrounded by the people of her choosing rather than be caught off guard. And she still smarted from the conversation she’d tried to have with Justin earlier.
Surprisingly, Justin hadn’t yet come in from the game room in the basement to ask where he was. In fact, her son hadn’t even responded to Peter in the kitchen, other than to say, “Excuse me.” At least he’d used his manners, which wasn’t always a sure thing, and hadn’t embarrassed her into thinking she’d raised a hooligan.
Before she could lose her courage, she lifted her chin and walked across the room, trying not to think about how she felt more like she was waddling. She hadn’t been a skinny thing at seventeen, and at twenty-eight she certainly wasn’t. She sensed Zoe close on her heels but ignored her. It would be hard enough to do this without clinging to her younger, hostile sister.
The small expanse of carpet in May’s living room had never seemed bigger. It was like one of those nightmares where you can’t seem to get to the end of the hall because it continues to stretch out in front of you. But finally she did make it over to Peter. His back was turned to her, and she studied the hairline at the back of his neck. It looked freshly shaven, with a thin strip of white skin under the close-cut hair. She used to trace her fingers just there when they sat at football games and froze in the winter. It was always exposed by his knit caps. She wasn’t sure what it meant that she felt nothing at the memory but a brief surge of nostalgia.
She shook her head slightly to clear it of the image that wouldn’t do any good in helping her get through the next several minutes. At least there wasn’t an inch-wide strip of naked skull where the hair plugs had not been put in right. Although it might have been easier to do this if Peter had turned into a frumpy, pudgy old man in the last ten years.
She tried to steel herself against looking into Peter’s face and seeing her son in twenty or so years. From pictures of Peter as a boy, she knew Justin looked very like his father at this age. If nothing else, at least she knew her boy was going to be good-looking when he was older.
And she’d stalled long enough. “Hello, Peter.”