“And then he changed his will,” Evan said, seeing exactly where I was going with this.
“He did,” I said. “He left me the notebook. Me, not you. And I think it was his way of telling me that no matter how badly I fucked up, that he still believed in me. That he still trusted and respected me.” I shrugged. “I loved that notebook, and he knew it. I guess the bottom line is that I think the bequest was his way of saying that he loved me.”
Evan nodded slowly. “Why are you telling me this now?”
I hesitated, taking a moment to draw courage. “Because I wanted you to understand why I’m not going to give it to you. And because—”
“Why?”
“Because
I want three weeks,” I announced boldly. “And I thought you deserved the truth before I said so.”
“What are you talking about?” He was watching me intently, and there was a small crease above his nose, as if he was concentrating on a particularly knotty problem. That, apparently, would be me.
I sucked in a breath. “I’m moving to Washington. My dad got me a job as a legislative aide. That’s why I went to Destiny.” My cheeks flamed, which was ridiculous considering all we’d done together in the last few hours. “I wanted to have you. Just once, like I said. I wanted to finish what we started. More than that, I wanted the way you make me feel.”
“But?” There was an edge to his voice that I couldn’t quite identify.
“But once wasn’t enough. Now I want more,” I said firmly. “You asked me how high? Well, that’s my answer. As high as you can take me before I leave. And who knows—maybe we’ll get each other out of our systems.”
I was breathing hard, watching him. And, dammit, just thinking about what I was suggesting had turned me on. My nipples were tight behind the terry cloth of the robe, and I was suddenly aware of the heat at the juncture of my thighs.
“No,” he said.
I looked up sharply, prepared to protest, but didn’t have the chance before he continued.
“No,” he repeated. “I don’t think you’ll ever be out of my system. But as for how high I can take you …”
I held my breath as he reached out, trailing a finger down the neckline of the robe.
“We’ve already gone pretty damn far,” he whispered. Slowly, he reached out and tugged loose the tie of the robe, then spread the top open, revealing my shoulders and breasts. “But have we gone far enough?” he asked. He brushed the pad of his thumb over my already erect nipple. “You’re right, baby. I can take you one hell of a lot further.” He took his thumb off my breast and drew it along my lower lip, then thrust it gently into my mouth. I opened for him, sucking and tasting, my eyes closed as I simply reveled in it.
I wanted it—god how I wanted it. Wanted to go completely and totally wild with him. And yet the tightness in my chest was growing. A bone-deep trepidation. Because the more I realized that this was really happening, the more my old fears bubbled up.
Part of me screamed that I was the one that started this, so I needed to just keep my damn mouth shut. But I couldn’t help it. All my doubts—all my fears—were once again rising to the surface.
“Evan …” I trailed off, determined not to go there.
“What?”
“Nothing. Never mind. Just me being stupid.” But I didn’t quite look at his eyes.
“Hey,” he said. “Tell me.”
“It’s just …—It’s just that I go a little wild and do these things sometimes,” I said slowly, feeling foolish since I was the one who’d said I wanted these three weeks, so what was I doing now backing off?
“I mean, I want this—I want you. But …” I went silent, thinking of Grace who’d died because I’d run off to play wild child one night. Thinking of my night in jail that had come so close to destroying my dad’s good name. Hell, even thinking of Evan who’d been attacked in an alley. Because that tied back to me letting go, too.
“Oh, hell. I guess I’m afraid we’d be tempting fate,” I said lamely. “Besides, you’re not a safe bet, remember?”