No. I stopped myself right there. These were two different situations—Blaine was a rapist and Cam had beaten the guy who’d beat his sister. What Cam had done was wrong. Violence should never be the answer to violence, but the guy had hurt his sister.
“I understand,” I said, and I realized that even though their situation was similar in a way, it was vastly different. And I was shocked myself. The old me—all she would’ve been able to think about was how both had gotten off because of who they were, who their parents were, and money. But I wasn’t her anymore. And sometimes good people did bad things.
His head swung to me. “What?”
“I understand why you did it.”
Cam stood. “Avery—”
“I don’t know what it says about me, but you were defending your sister and beating the crap out someone isn’t the answer, but she’s your sister and…” And if I had a brother and he’d reacted that way after what happened to me? Well, he would have been my hero, as terrible as that was. “There are some people who deserve an ass kicking.”
He stared at me.
I unfolded my legs. “And there are probably some people who don’t even deserve to breathe. It’s a sick and sad thing to say, but it’s true. The guy could’ve killed your sister. Hell, he could have beaten some other girl to death.”
Cam continued to stare at me like I’d sprouted a second nose. “I deserve to be in jail, Avery. I almost killed him.”
“But you didn’t.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Let me ask you a question. Would you do it again?”
Several seconds passed and then he said, “I still would’ve drove to his house and I would’ve hit him. Maybe not as badly, but honestly, I don’t think it would’ve changed anything. The bastard beat my sister.”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t blame you.”
“You’re…”
I shrugged. “Twisted?”
“No.” A real smile broke the tension in his face. “You’re remarkable.”
“I wouldn’t go that far.”
“Seriously,” he said, coming to the couch. He sat beside me. “I thought you would be disgusted or angry if you knew.”
I shook my head.
Cam dropped his forehead to mine and he clasped my cheeks gently. His eyes searched mine. “It feels good getting that off my chest. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”
I smiled as he leaned forward, kissing the corner of my lips, but I barely felt the touch. Cam settled back, pulling me against his chest. I snuggled closer, but coldness still seeped deep into my bones. He’d shared this major secret with me, even though he’d feared I would judge him somehow, and I had remained quiet, keeping my secrets close to my heart. That wasn’t fair, and I couldn’t shake this terrible premonition that it would somehow come back around.
How can you live with yourself?
Cam kissed the top of my head, and my breath caught
I wasn’t sure how I did.
######
Chapter 28
I hadn’t really noticed it till then, but there had been a stress that Cam carried with him; the weight of keeping a secret he thought would destroy something he cared about. How I hadn’t recognized it before was beyond me.
But it was good now… mostly.
Part of me suspected that one of the reasons why he’d finally told me was because he didn’t believe what I said about the text. That maybe he hoped by opening up with me that I’d do the same.
I wished that was the case, but my secret would destroy what I cherished most.
Us.
But since it was Valentine’s Day, I refused to think about it. I was having the most perfect day and I wasn’t going to ruin it.
Cam had shown up at my door in the morning with a single red rose and with one after every single one of my classes. By the afternoon, I had half a dozen, which turned into two dozen when he arrived at my apartment that evening. I hadn’t been sure of our plans, so I was relieved to see him in jeans and a sweater and nothing fancy. It was late, after nine, since Valentine’s fell on a Friday, and I wasn’t sure if we were even going out.
Thanking his for the rose, I took them into the kitchen and added them to the vase. He remained by the door. “What are you doing?” I asked.
His grin was mischievous. “Stay right where you are and close your eyes.”
“I have to close my eyes?”
“Yep.”
I arched a brow as I tried to hide my burgeoning excitement. “So it’s a surprise?”
“Of course it is. So close your eyes.”
My lips twitched. “Your surprises are just as scary as your ideas.”
“My ideas and my surprises are brilliant.”
“Remember when you thought it would be a good idea to—”
“Close your eyes, Avery.”
Grinning, I dutifully closed my eyes. I heard him walk away and then a couple of moments later he reentered my apartment. “Don’t peek.”
Not peeking was like putting a slice of cake in front of me along with a fork and telling me not to eat it. I shifted my weight. “Cam…”
“A couple more seconds,” he said, and I heard something heavy roll inside.
What the? More than curious, it was a struggle to not open my eyes. I honestly had no idea what he was up to and with Cam, anything was possible.