The back of my throat burned as tears flooded my eyes. “I’m so sorry, Cam. I know telling you now doesn’t change anything, but I needed to tell you that you didn’t do anything wrong. You were perfect—perfect for me—and I love you.” My voice broke again. “And I know you can’t look at me the same now. I understand.”
Cam arms had fallen to his sides. He looked shell shocked. “Avery,” he broke in, voice soft, and he was suddenly in front of me, cupping my cheeks. “What did you say?”
“That you can’t look at me the same?”
“Not that. Before that.”
I sniffed. “I love you?”
“You love me?” His eyes searched mine intensely.
“Yes, but—”
“Stop.” He shook his head. “Do you think I look at you differently? I told you I always suspected that something happened—”
“But you had hope that it wasn’t that!” I tried to pull away, but Cam’s hands dropped to my upper arms, not allowing me to run. “You looked at me before with hope and you don’t have that anymore.”
“Is that what you really think? Has that been what has been stopping you this whole time from telling me?”
“Everyone looks at me differently once they know.”
“I’m not everyone, Avery! Not to you, not with you.” Our gazes locked. “Do you think I still don’t have hope? Hope that you will eventually get past this? That it won’t haunt you five more years from now?”
I didn’t know what to say, but my heart was racing as he slid his hands down to mine. He placed them on his chest, right above his heart. “I have hope,” he said, his gaze never leaving mine. “I have hope because I love you—I’ve been in love with you, Avery. Probably before I even realized that I was.”
“You loved me?”
Cam dropped his forehead to mine and his chest rose sharply under my hands. “I love you.”
My heart stuttered. “You love me?”
“Yes, sweetheart.”
There was a strength in those words, but there was a power in the truth. Something broke wide open inside me, like a foundation on a great, thick wall finally giving under the weight. A hailstorm of emotion whirled inside me, seeking a way out. I couldn’t stop it. I didn’t even try. Tears streamed down my face, so fast that I couldn’t see Cam’s face through them.
A sound from the back of his throat came and he pulled me to his chest, circling his arms around me tightly. He held me, whispering soothing, nonsensical words. At some point, he lifted me into his arms and carried me back to his bedroom. He laid me down on his bed and climbed in beside me, cradling me to his chest. Once the tears came, they didn’t stop. They were the big, ugly kind of sobs you couldn’t speak or breathe around. There was also something renewing in those tears, as if each tear that fell somehow symbolized that I was finally letting go.
I cried for Molly and all that she had to go through. I cried for Cam and everything I had put him through. I cried, because in the end, he still loved me. Most of all, I cried for everything that I had lost and for everything I knew I could now gain.
Chapter 31
Lying beside me on my bed, Cam reached over and picked up a strand of my hair. He twirled the reddish brown lock around his fingers and then smacked it across my nose. “So what does it feel like to finally be a sophomore in college?”
I caught his hand and untangled by hair, grinning. “I’m not officially a sophomore. Not until school starts again in the fall.”
“I deem you a sophomore now.” He plucked up my hair again, this time trailing it across my cheek. “What I say goes.”
“Then how does it feel finally being a senior. Next year is your last.”
“Amazing,” he replied, tracing my lower lip with the ends of my hair. “It feels amazing.”
Wiggling closer to him, I wrapped my fingers in the collar of his shirt. “It feels pretty damn good to be a sophomore.”
“Would be better if you didn’t sign up for summer classes.”
“True.” I was taking bio over the summer to get it out of the way. And it would work out. Cam was helping out with a summer soccer camp for kids, so he’d be here most of the time. I was going to miss Brit and Jacob though. They’d already headed home.
Smiling softly, I managed to get closer. Cam spread his arms and I placed my head on his shoulder, throwing an arm and a leg over him.
“Close enough?” he asked.
“No.”
He chuckled as his fingers trailed up and down my spine. My body relaxed under the soft ministrations. His lips brushed my forehead and I smiled.
Things were different between us since I’d told him the truth. It had been rough and awkward immediately afterward. Rather Cam admitted it, he hadn’t been sure on how to proceed forward with our relationship. Like what he should say or do and it wasn’t like a miraculous change occurred overnight. Three weeks had passed before anything sexual happened between us. It wasn’t that he hadn’t wanted to, but I knew he hadn’t wanted to push me. It took me taking control and basically attacking him for him to get the message. Of course, we hadn’t had sex, yet, but the one time had regained how far we’d come in that aspect.
In a small way he did look at me differently, but it wasn’t as I feared. He knew the whole story now and that did change us.