A tremor coursed over his body or maybe it was mine causing his to do that, because I think I was shaking. I didn’t know if it was from excitement or something else. My hands found his chest and they flattened there.
“Do you want this?” he asked, his voice strained as he held himself back. “Yes,” I said, and I told myself that I did. And I did want this. I wanted to cross that final line with Cam.
His eyes met mine for a moment and then he bent his head, kissing me as he lowered his body upon mine. I felt him there, the tip of him slipping through my wetness, and I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was the weight of him on top of me or the feel of him between my thighs. For a frightening second, I wasn’t in my bedroom or under Cam. I was back on the couch, my cheek pressed roughly into the coarse fabric. Cold air rushed over my exposed lower body, followed by a rough, demanding hand. I tried to push the memory out of my head and focus on what was really happening, but once it crept in, I couldn’t get it out of my head.
Every muscle in my body locked up and the knot of unease from earlier in the day returned with a vengeance. It was like being hit with an arctic blast. I went cold on the outside and inside. Panic dug in with razor sharp claws.
I twisted my head to the side, breaking the kiss as I pushed against his chest. “No. Stop. Please stop.”
Cam froze above me, his chest rising and falling deeply. “Avery? What the—?”
“Get off.” My skin was crawling as pressure clamped down on my chest. “Get off. Please. Get off me.”
He rolled off me in an instant, and I scrambled across the bed, grabbing the comforter and tugging it up over me. I shot to my feet, backing up until I hit the dresser. Bottles of lotion rattled. The soft thud of them hitting the floor snapped me out of it. My heart was racing so fast I thought I’d be sick.
“Oh God,” I whispered hoarsely. There was a good chance I was going to hurl the baked pretzel we’d shared earlier.
Light from the hallway cast strange shadows over half of Cam’s pale face. His eyes were as big as the moon. He stared at me, brows pinched with concern. “Did I hurt you? I didn’t—”
“No. No!” I squeezed my eyes shut. “You didn’t hurt me. You didn’t even… I don’t know. I’m sorry…” I trailed off, having no idea what to say.
Cam took several deep breaths, planting his hands on the bed. “Talk to me, Avery. What just happened?”
“Nothing.” My voice cracked. “Nothing happened. I just thought—”
“You thought what?”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. It’s not a big deal—”
“Not a big deal?” His brows flew up. “Avery, you just scared the shit out of me. You started panicking like I was hurting you or—or like I was forcing you to do this.”
Horrified, I felt my stomach drop. “You weren’t forcing me, Cam. I liked what you were doing.”
Several seconds passed and then he said, “You know I would never hurt you, right?”
“Yes.” Tears clogged my throat.
“And I would never force you to do anything you didn’t want to do.” He spoke slowly, each word precise. “You understand that, right? If you’re not ready, I’m okay with that, but you have to talk to me. You have to let me know before it gets to that point.”
Clenching the blanket, I nodded.
There was another gap of silence and his stare pierced mine. A certain level of comprehension flashed across his features, and I bit down on my lip. I wanted to know what he was thinking and then again, I didn’t.
“What are you not telling me?” he asked, like he’d done the night out in the parking lot.
I couldn’t say anything.
His jaw clenched. “What happened to you?”
“Nothing!” The word burst from me like a cannon. “There’s nothing to talk about, dammit. Just fucking drop it.”
“You’re lying.”
There. He said it. He called me on it.
Cam took a deep, long breath. “You’re lying to me. Something happened, because that?” He gestured at where we’d been twined together moments before. “That wasn’t about not being ready. That was about something else, because you know—you know—I would wait for you, Avery. I swear, but you have to tell me what’s going on in your head.”
My chest ached at his words, but I couldn’t say anything.
“I’m begging you, Avery. You’ve got to be up front and honest with me. You said that you trusted me. You’ve got to prove it, because I know there is more to this. I’m not stupid and I’m not blind. I remember how you acted when we first met and I sure as hell remember what you said that night you were drunk.”
Oh God. The floor shifted under my feet.
He was on a roll. “And that text message you got? Are you telling me that has nothing to do with this? If you trust me, you will finally tell me what the hell is going on.”