WILD MEN OF ALASKA

chapter EIGHTEEN

Her biggest fear had finally been realized. Call her certifiable. Gemma was beyond questioning what was real and what was myth. The facts were she was in love with a Dreamweaver. Truly believed he’d died prematurely and that they had been destined. They’d shared themselves with each other last night, and it had been deeper than any other physical coupling she’d experienced. Her soul was linked with his and her heart freely given.

After Tern had left, she’d decided to call off her date with Cub. But hadn’t figured out exactly how she was going to do that without damaging his spirit. Allowing him to think there could be something between them wasn’t fair either. She’d tried to connect with Lucky, swearing she’d felt him hovering in the store, but the snow had thickened, and she figured he hadn’t been able to break through. Later tonight he would. The skies were supposed to clear up. And the thought of being with him again, no matter the capacity, had her heart skipping.

She’d left the store for Callista and Amie to manage and headed to her mother’s. There were some things she needed to know. No longer was she a disbeliever.

Hallelujah and all that jazz, she believed!

Somehow Siri was connected to the world Gemma had visited. She needed to know how, and what were the implications of what she’d actually done last night, and how to make them everlasting.

There was a sense of rightness, freeing actually. Like she’d finally let go of the fear. After all, her biggest fear had been that she’d turn out as bat-shit crazy as her mother. Guess what, crazy wasn’t so bad. In fact, it felt downright liberating in a strip-off-your-clothes-and-celebrate-the-equinox kind of way.

Holy balls.

Snow spitting sideways, slowed her progress. The roads had turned dangerously icy. It was a relief to finally park her car in front of her mother’s.

Hell, she’d never had that thought before.

Gemma let herself into the house, dusting snow off her hair and shoulders.

“She’s been waiting and seems pretty lucid,” Rosie said, taking Gemma’s coat. “I was able to get her medication into her, but you know how it is. Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I have to know.”

Rosie nodded and stepped aside. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She kissed Gemma’s cheek. “Listen with an open heart.” Then she disappeared into the back of the house.

Siri sat on the low cushion, in front of the carved table, shuffling the Tarot deck in front of her. Dressed in a caftan of silk saris, she was the bright spot in the candlelit room. Her breath caught when her eyes met Gemma’s. “No,” she gasped. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“You can see?”

“Oh, Gemma, my bright star, I did not want this for you.” A hitch in her mother’s voice tugged at Gemma’s heart. It wasn’t lost on her that she’d called her Gemma instead of Gemini either.

“Mom, why didn’t you tell me?” Gemma knelt down at Siri’s feet and took her hands in hers.

“How could I? You would have locked me up for sure.” A sad smile curled her lips. “Let me tell you a secret.” She leaned in and whispered, “I’m not all here.” She tapped her temple. “A big part of me exists somewhere else.”

This wasn’t news to her. Except for the idea that Siri believed parts of herself existed somewhere else. “Tell me how, please.”

“That’s it.” Siri shrugged. “I can’t remember it all anymore. There are vague images, feelings. I was so into experimentation when I was younger. Did things that one shouldn’t. Drugs, sex, astral projection when I didn’t understand the gravity of what I was dealing with. So many mistakes, thinking I knew it all. There are elements, spirits out there who are not to be trusted. They want to live again so badly that they will tempt and tease you into risking things that you would not otherwise do. Risking your very soul.”

“Lucky isn’t like that.”

Siri sadly shook her head. “They are all like that. Like vampires sucking out our life’s essence. Has he talked of how he was robbed, killed before his time? How you are fated?” Siri didn’t wait for Gemma’s answer, not that Gemma could answer with the lump lodged in her throat.

“I tried to warn you, Gemma. I should have done more to steer you away. It’s apparent that you’ve slept with him. But how many times have you laid with him?”

Heat rushed into her face. Never had they talked of sex. As open to experiences that Siri seemed, sex was a subject never to be discussed. She’d been a contradiction growing up, this free-spirit in every sense except one. Gemma was finally getting an idea of why.

“Once,” Gemma admitted. “Last night.”

“Where?”

Gemma dropped her eyes to the Mosaic rug beneath her. The intricate design of purple, black and blue with shots of gold swirled into a mess of color. “He called it Limbo.”

Siri sucked in her breath. “Oh, dear God.” Her hands clenched Gemma’s. “How did you get there?”

Gemma swallowed. She couldn’t tell Siri the pills she’d given her had sent her on a round trip ticket to the one place her mother seemed to fear most. “I don’t know for sure.”

“How long were you there?”

“Most of the night. Why?” It was her turn to ask some questions. A few answers would be a welcome change of pace.

“The more you share, the longer you astral project, the harder it’s going to be to fully return. If at all.” Siri pondered for a few minutes, the pupils of her eyes almost totally black. “We can knit back together your aura, given enough time and no more exposure to your Dreamweaver.”

What was she, a sweater? And if this could be done, how did they “knit” Siri back together?

“I’m lost, Gemini.” Siri answered her unasked question. “There are no threads to lace me back together. I played too long in the astral plane, lost too much of myself to those worlds.”

Worlds?

“Your father tried, bless his heart, but the threads of my soul had already been stolen.” She hopped to her feet and went to the desk, sliding drawer after drawer open until she pulled out a long silver chain with a ruby crystal hanging from it.

Gemma had a feeling she knew where this was going.

“I should have given this to you before. Where is my mind?” Siri shook her head as though to clear it. “It will help ground you. Your first chakra is the root, here.” She motioned to her groin. “I want you to wear this and imagine that it’s a grounding cord running from your spine to the base of your tailbone deep into the earth. It will help you draw energy up through the earth and keep you from astral projecting.” She handed the crystal to Gemma. “Go ahead, put it on.”

“I can’t take this. You should wear it.”

Siri held up her hand where a ruby winked on her ring finger. “I’ve always worn this. Your father gave me this ring when we hand-fasted. It does the same and symbolizes who my anchor is. Or was.” She gave Gemma a bittersweet smile.

Gemma took the necklace and slipped it over her neck, trying to keep the one Tern gave her hidden in the wool of her sweater. The stone lay heavy between her breasts, clinking with Tern’s. “Who was he?” She didn’t need to specify that she wasn’t asking about her father.

“That’s it, I can no longer remember. You see, Gemini, they play on all your desires and leave you none of them by the time they are finished with you.”

What should she do?

Thoughts swirled much like the snow flurries the Chinook winds were stirring. Gemma mulled them over on the drive home from her mother’s.

Last night with Lucky had been...everything. He’d done just what her mother had said. Delivered on all her desires. He knew how to touch, kiss, press, retreat until she was nothing but a mass of mindless sexual need. Never had she experienced anything like it. Her heart was no longer hers.

Neither was her body.

She couldn’t deny that she loved him. But had he weaved a spell to feed on her soul as her mother seemed to claim? And how was it that mother and daughter had ended up seduced by Dreamweavers?

There was too much to think about, and all of it fell under the umbrella of crazy. She was glad she hadn’t called off her date with Cub. Maybe she needed it. Lucky hadn’t been around to answer any questions. The snow had stopped, and heavy clouds were dispersing from cloaking the skies above Fairbanks. She could see the waves of the Northern Lights as they broke through the atmosphere.

It was a harrowing drive. The temperatures had warmed up to freezing. The roads were iced over like frosting on a cake, and Gemma’s hands trembled by the time she safely parked her car in the garage.

Spring was in the air, but Alaska did spring like she did everything else. With a vengeance. They didn’t call it Break Up for nothing.

She entered into the kitchen, laying her purse and keys on the dining table. What she needed was a long relaxing soak in the rub. She also badly needed to talk to Lucky.

Where was he? He visited before with less of an Aurora display. He should be here.

“Lucky?” she called into the empty house, knowing she wasn’t going to get an answer back. The house was like a void. A black hole.

Siri couldn’t be right and that Lucky was using her, feeding off her soul like some astral vampire.

The air suddenly shifted in the room, became colder, swirling for a moment before settling. Just like it had in the store earlier. Had Lucky been trying to get to her but couldn’t for some reason? She’d much rather believe that than the alternative.

“Gemma.”

She swiveled on her heel. And there he was. She caught and held her breath. She could see him, yet could also see through him. He was more substantial than ever before. Not solid like he’d been last night when she’d visited him, but more. And since she was able to see more, she saw the agony and decision in his bedroom eyes. Dread settled in her stomach.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry, Gemma.”

“For what?” It suddenly became hard for her to swallow.

“For everything. I never should have hunted you down. I should have left you alone to live your life, and I should have moved on.”

“That’s a lot of shoulds.” Her knees trembled, and she couldn’t help the tears forming in her eyes.

“Don’t cry.” There was a catch to his voice. “This is hard enough.”

“Then why are you doing it?” she whispered.

He held still, only his fists clenching and unclenching as though it took everything for him not to pull her into his arms. “I want you to have what I can’t.”

“But you can.” She took a step toward him, coming up short when he moved back. “I can see you. Every time we are together our bond strengthens.”

“Which is why I need to end it now.”

“No.” The breath she gasped hurt as it burned its way into her lungs. “Don’t you get it? I can see you, hear you.” She took another step and placed her hand over his heart. “Feel you.”

His eyes closed on a moan, and his hand came up to clasp hers hard against his chest. “I can never be a whole man for you. Never give you the family you’ve dreamt of. Cub can do that.”

“Cub?” Confused, she let her hand fall away from him. “You were there? In the bookstore.”

“Yes. He likes you. It wouldn’t take much for him to fall in love with you.” He caressed the side of her face. “It wouldn’t take anything for a man to love you.”

“What about me? Don’t I have a choice in this? What about us being destined for each other?” Had her mother nailed that one?

“Your mother is a gifted woman. There would have been a time when she would have been considered the Shaman or Seer. Listen to her. She will help you through this.”

“No,” she said through clenched teeth. “You don’t get to decide this. I have a stake. This is my heart, my life, my decision. I love you. Why do I have to live without you because you suddenly feel the need for self-sacrifice?”

“I don’t feel the need. It’s what’s right. You will forget me in time.”

She shook her head. “That will never happen.”

He suddenly grabbed her shoulders and gave her a slight shake. “You have to, Gemma. I can’t move on unless you do.” He dropped his forehead to hers. “Gemma. There will be another time, another life for us. I-I am so very sorry that I couldn’t wait until then. Forgive me.” His mouth was hard on hers, desperate.

There was a moan of pain as he tore his lips from hers. His eyes burrowed into hers. “If you truly love me, then forget me and live your life in celebration of what we couldn’t have. I’m not coming back. I fully expect you to move on...as I plan to.”

Then he was gone.

Silent sobs shook her frame until she stumbled and sank to the floor, her arms hugging around her as though it would help contain the pain of her splintering heart.

The Northern Lights ripped through the fabric of the night sky.