“Sadie, so glad we finally get to meet.” Terry holds his arms out, subliminally asking permission to hug me.
It’s fine. I don’t mind hugging. I do a lot of it. I don’t necessarily enjoy the consoling embraces that I get nearly every time I see someone I know, but it would be trouble for me to refuse. I’ve trained myself to mechanically go through the motions, but that’s the extent of it. If I refused every hug that was offered, at some point someone would call my mom to let her know that they’re “worried” about me. That’s where the issue lies. Mom would likely then orchestrate an emergency family potluck in an effort to talk to me about it. It’s that food is love concept again. The food is good. It’s the hovering part that can screw right off. I’m so sick of that shit. Faking it works just as well as anything. It’s a means to an end and I’m not that damn hungry enough to endure any emergency potlucks staged at Mom and Dad’s house.
I hold out my arms and step in to Terry’s hug. His arms wrap around me like a father and he holds me tight. Despite his thin frame, his hold is strong. “Thank you, Sadie,” he whispers into my ear.
I smile curtly over his shoulder at his wife, who has tears glistening in her baby blues.
Please, no crying. No crying. Not today. Not now.
I swallow hard and pull away from Terry. Ellen is next. She steps in and wraps her arms around me. I can feel her trembling against me. I can’t deal with this. This meeting needs to be short and simple. The amount of effort that it’s requiring for me to keep my emotion under control is far more than I can expend right now.
Pulling away from Ellen, I locate my seat opposite them and quickly sit before I have to endure any more hugging. “This place smells really good. I’m starving,” I lie, desperate to direct us right into mild conversation. I inhale deeply through my nose in mock worship of the scent of BBQ wafting throughout the restaurant. I’m not hungry at all. My appetite for food or anything else has been minimal over the last two years.
“Best Carolina BBQ around!” Terry declares proudly.
I force a smile and look to Ellen, who has scoffed and rolled her eyes. She leans across the table to whisper, “He’s just saying that because his best friend owns this place.” She winks then rights herself in her chair and picks up the menu on the table. I can’t help but smile. It’s kind of funny.
We order our food and engage in civil conversation while we wait. The food is good and I do my best to pick at it despite my lacking appetite. Thankfully, neither Ellen nor Terry have said much about the transplant, what brought him to that point, or the night that Jake and I were met with catastrophe.
The waiter deposits the bill on the edge of the table and saunters off with a tray full of food for another group.
“I’ve got it. I’ve got it,” Terry chimes, sliding the bill to his side of the table.
“Oh, you don’t have to do that, but thank you.”
“No, ma’am. You’ve come all this way to have dinner with us. I’ll pay,” Terry explains as he pulls cash from his wallet.
“Well, I guess I’ll get going. I’m so tired from flying this morning.”
My excuse seems to work because Ellen nods understandingly. All three of us stand up from the table and walk lazily out to the parking lot.
“That’s my rental over there.” I point to the four door compact car across the lot.
“Well, Sadie, don’t be a stranger. You come see us again one day,” Terry says as he helps himself to another hug.
“Absolutely,” I lie. Again.
As soon as Terry releases me, Ellen steps in for her own hug. Her arms wrap around me and I can feel the condolences coming before she even opens her mouth. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry,” Ellen whispers close to my ear.
I give a tight little nod against her shoulder and do my best to stay strong. I play Jake’s words in my head. “Be strong, Sadie. Be strong.”
I clear my throat as I remove myself from her hug. A disgustingly sweet smile is my only farewell.