“Christ on a stick,” I mutter as I realize that not only is she sharing my pillow, but apparently I’m snuggling with her, too. I long for the days when she was snapping at me. How in the hell did I end up snuggled up to Fluff rather than my gorgeous wife? And speaking of my gorgeous wife, where is she?
I roll out of bed, leaving the beast snoring, go into the bathroom to take a leak and brush my teeth. I find a pair of gym shorts that I pull on before I go looking for Natalie. In the living room, I spot her rolled up in a ball on the sofa, her dark hair spread out on a pillow.
Why is she sleeping on the sofa and not with me?
I sit next to her and lean over to kiss her awake. Her eyes flutter open, and for a second she looks happy to see me before the light in her eyes goes dull. What’s that about?
“What’re you doing out here, sweetheart?”
“Couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to bother you.”
“You wouldn’t have bothered me. I much prefer you and your sweetness to Fluff and her gorilla breath.”
“She doesn’t have gorilla breath.”
“Yes, she does. And that’s me being kind.” I tug on her hand. “Come back to bed for a while. It’s still early, and we have nowhere to be until later.” Addie will know to book us on a late-day flight so we can have some time to regroup before we head to Mexico.
Natalie resists my efforts to lure her back to bed.
“What?” I ask.
“Could I talk to you about something?”
“Of course.”
Her brows furrow and her lips purse, like she’s screwing up the courage to tell me what’s on her mind.
“Sweetheart, tell me what’s wrong.”
She looks at me, and it occurs to me that I still haven’t seen the true color of her eyes without the brown contact lenses she wears. I want to see the real color. Maybe she’ll show me while we’re in Mexico.
“If I ask you something personal, will you tell me the truth?” she asks.
“I’ll always tell you the truth.”
“Do you promise?”
“What’s this about, Natalie?”
“The room at Hayden’s…”
Oh fuck… “What about it?”
“Are you into that stuff, too?”
For a second, my brain totally freezes. I just promised to tell her the truth, but if I do, then she’ll know that I’ve kept it from her until now. She’ll think I’ve been unsatisfied every time we made love when I’m the opposite of unsatisfied.
“Flynn?”
“No, I’m not into it. That’s his thing, not mine. I’m into you. You’re all I need, Natalie.” I lean in to kiss her forehead. “Can we go back to bed now?”
“You go ahead. I’m going to take a shower.”
“Let me get you dirty first.” I turn my attention to her neck, but she slides out from under me, her face set in an unreadable expression, which is all new. I can always read her. “Nat? What’s going on?”
“Nothing. I just want a shower.”
“Okay, then…” She leaves the room, and I sit there for a minute, confused by her behavior. What the hell just happened here? I return to the bedroom and get back into bed to wait for her. She comes out of the bathroom thirty minutes later, fully dressed for much colder weather than what we’re experiencing in Southern California.
Then I see the suitcase she’s pulling behind her. I get out of bed. “What’re you doing?”
“I’m going home to New York. I’m returning to school and my apartment with Leah.”
I feel like I’ve been knifed in the heart. “What the fuck, Natalie? You’re leaving me?”
Her eyes fill and her jaw sets before she nods.
“Why?”
“Because you’re a liar, and I won’t be married to a man who lies to me about who and what he really is.”
That’s when I realize two things—one, she’s seriously leaving me, and two, she knows the truth about me. How in the fuck did she find out?
“Natalie, wait. Let’s talk about this.”
“We did talk, and I gave you the opportunity to tell me the truth. Instead, you looked me in the eye and lied.”
“How do you know that?”
“We both know you lied.”
“And that’s a deal breaker? After everything we’ve been through, you’re actually going to walk away from me? I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I’ve shared every part of myself with you, even the most painful parts. I’ve been closer to you in the last month than I’ve been to anyone else in my life. I’ve kept nothing secret. Can you say the same?”
“Natalie… You don’t understand.”
“I understand perfectly. You didn’t think I could handle it, so you kept it from me.”
“Yes! That! Exactly.”
“Except, when I gave you the chance to fix it, you continued to lie. That’s the part I can’t live with. How will I ever know what else you’re keeping from me? How will I ever know if you’re satisfied with me when you obviously want more than you think I can give?”
The ground is shifting under me, and I can’t find my footing in this situation. A sense of desperation unlike anything I’ve ever experienced overtakes me. I want the last hour to do over again more than I’ve ever wanted anything, ever.