‘Hey, hey, hey.’ He swiftly discards his empty glass and slaps a palm on the bar as leverage to flip himself over to my side. He clears it with ease and finesse, his feet landing silently in front of me. ‘Calm down,’ he placates me, cupping my hot cheeks and pulling my face up to his, scanning my welling eyes. ‘Nothing about my life has been right, Olivia.’ Spreading my thighs with his knees, he moves in close, lifting my face farther to accommodate him towering over me so our eyes can remain locked. ‘I’m too fucked up, sweet girl. Nothing can help me. Me and my club are gold mines for Charlie. But it isn’t only my profitability and the convenience of Ice for his dealings that dictates things. It’s the power trip, too. It’s principle. Show weakness and the enemy will have you by the bollocks.’ He breathes in deeply as I take it all in. ‘I’ve never considered quitting because I’ve never had reason to,’ Miller goes on. ‘He knows that. And he knows if I were to ever walk away, there would be good reason.’ His lips straighten and his eyes blink lazily, an action I usually find comforting, spellbinding. Not today, though. Today it’s just adding to my trepidation because that slow blink, accompanied by another deep inhale, is an attempt to gather the strength he needs to utter his next words. When he drags his lids open, I hold my breath, bracing myself. He’s looking at me like I’m the most precious thing in his universe. Because I am. ‘They will eliminate that good reason,’ he finishes quietly, punching the breath from my lungs. ‘One way or another, he wants you out of my life. I haven’t been acting like a neurotic lunatic for nothing. I belong to him, Olivia. Not you.’
My poor brain explodes under the pressure of Miller’s brutal explanation. ‘I want you to be mine.’ I utter the words mindlessly. There’s no thought behind them, just desperation. Miller Hart is unobtainable, and not only because of the guarded exterior he holds firmly in place.
‘I’m working on it, my gorgeous, sweet girl. Believe me, I’m working fucking hard on it.’ He presses his lips to the top of my head, inhaling me into him, getting a dose of the strength that he siphons off me. ‘I have a request.’
I don’t vocalise my confirmation to the request that I know is coming. I need to hear it. ‘Anything.’
He picks me up from the stool and sits me on the high bar, like he’s placing me on the proverbial pedestal. Then he muscles in between my thighs and looks up at me, circling my waist with his big hands. My fingers brush through his waves, all the way through the top until I’m kneading the back of his neck. ‘Never stop loving me, Olivia Taylor.’
‘Impossible.’
He smiles a little as he drops his face into my chest and moves his hands around to my back, pulling us closer, blending us together. I stare down at the back of his head, stroking comfort into him. ‘How sure are you?’ he asks out of the blue.
My stroking hands pause as I muster the might to face another one of our shocking revelations. ‘Sure,’ I reply simply, because I am. Just like everything else, I can’t and shouldn’t be hiding from this.
He slowly releases me and holds the test out, watching as my eyes flick between him and the box. ‘Sure isn’t good enough.’
I reach and take it tentatively.
‘Go.’
I say nothing as he lifts me down, and leave him at the bar pouring another drink. I follow my feet to the ladies’ room and brace myself for the confirmation in black and white. My actions are mindless, from entering the stall to exiting it. I try to ignore the few minutes’ wait I’ve read it takes to give me the result and spend that time washing my hands, also trying to ignore the possible reaction I’m likely to get from Miller. At least now he’s aware there’s a possibility. But will that lessen the shock? Will he even want it? I slam a lid on those thoughts before they run away with me. I don’t expect him to be dancing on the ceiling over the pending confirmation of my pregnancy. There’s no room for celebration in our lives.
Turning the test over, I stare down at the tiny window. Then I wander out of the restroom and back into the main club, where I find Miller waiting, tapping the bar. He looks up at me. He’s expressionless. Once again, I can’t fathom a bit of his thought process. So I hold the test up, watching as his eyes flick to it. He won’t be able to see from all the way over there, so I murmur one word. ‘Positive.’
He deflates before my eyes, making my stomach turn. Then he cocks his head, silently demanding I go to him. I’m cautious, but I do, reaching him in a few strides. I’m lifted onto the bar and his body moves in, his head resting on my chest, his palms sliding onto my bottom.
‘Is it wrong for me to be delighted?’ he asks, shocking me. I honestly expected a Miller-style meltdown. Because my sole focus has been on my own shock, plus what I thought would be a negative reaction from Miller, I’ve not stopped and considered the potential of being happy by this news. I’ve seen it as being another thorn in our side – another pile of shit to deal with. Miller, on the other hand, sounds like he’s seeing it from a whole other perspective.
‘I’m not sure,’ I admit aloud, when I only meant to silently wonder. Can we be happy about this amid all the darkness? Is he seeing brighter light? My world has become just as dark as Miller’s, and I can only see more gloom on the horizon.
‘Then I’ll tell you.’ He lifts his head and smiles at me. ‘Anything you bless me with I see as a gift, Olivia.’ A smooth palm strokes my cheek. ‘Your beauty to look at.’ He scans my face for an eternity before slowly dragging his hand down to my chest and tracing wide circles around my breast. My breath hitches, my spine lengthening. ‘Your body to feel.’ He tries to pull back his smile as he takes a glimpse up at me. ‘Your sass to deal with.’
I bite my lip through my budding desire and refrain from telling him that, ultimately, he is the source of my sass. ‘Elaborate,’ I demand unreasonably. He’s made himself pretty clear already.
‘As you wish,’ he agrees without hesitation. ‘This –’ he plants a kiss on my tummy, humming as he does – ‘is another gift you’re giving me. You know I fiercely protect what’s mine.’ He looks up at me, and I lose myself in the sincerity of his telling eyes. ‘What’s growing inside of you is mine, sweet girl. And I’ll destroy anything that tries to take it away from me.’