Liking how it felt to be a part of something bigger than myself, I offered my services to anyone who needed them. I helped Anna with the girls, helped the host run errands, helped the camera guys with their equipment, and even helped the producers map out shots. All day, I was anywhere and everywhere. Wherever I was needed, that’s where I wanted to be.
When it was finally time for the show to begin, I was pumped up and rearing to go. The twenty of us huddled backstage and said a quick prayer for each other. A bunch of the crew joined us too, and I had one arm around Liam and one around the guy who controlled the lighting. I’d never felt so connected to something. After we broke apart, we all went our separate ways to do last-minute preparations for the show.
Finding a quiet corner, I closed my eyes and inhaled and exhaled deep breaths. I can do this. That was when I heard a voice full of cheer screech, “Found you, Daddy!”
I opened my eyes to see Gibson running toward me; her long blond pigtails bounced around her shoulders as she bobbed along. Anna had long ago taken a seat in the crowd with Onnika, but Gibson had refused to leave my side. She’d been running around backstage, charming everyone she came in contact with. She was a lot like her mom that way. Sinking to my knees, I scooped her into a gigantic hug.
“There you are. Where’d you run off to? I thought I’d lost my best girl.” Behind her was Sam and one of the camera guys. Gibson had kind of become a backstage correspondent, chitchatting with all the contestants in her own special I’m almost four and I know everything about life kind of way.
“I helped Uncle Kellan.” She turned to give the camera a cheesy grin. “He loves me bestest. He said I’m gonna win.”
With a laugh, I kissed her hair. “I think he’s right.”
Gibson’s adorable face turned to a frown as she turned her attention back to me. “But I want you to win.” She stared at me like she was giving me superpowers, then she smiled. “There. I gave my win to you.”
She was so sweet, I had to swallow the lump in my throat. The theme music started playing, and knowing I needed to leave soon, I gave her another hug. She didn’t want to let go from this one. “Gibby, I need to go, honey. You stay with Sam, okay?”
She was frowning again when I pulled her off me. “When will you come home?” she asked me.
I felt like she’d just impaled me with a foot-long icicle. “Oh…sweetheart…soon, okay? I promise.”
She nodded, then, as only a child could, her mood flipped around and she gave me a gargantuan grin. “For my birthday?”
With a laugh, I nodded. “Yes, definitely for your birthday.”
She clapped, then squeezed me in a hug. When she pulled away, she pointed at me with such a serious expression, it was hard not to laugh. “Mine though…not Onnika’s.” Onnika was turning two in a few weeks, while Gibson’s fourth was a couple months away. “Just mine,” Gibson reiterated, her face firm.
With a sigh, I grabbed my daughter’s shoulders and made her look at me. “Honey, you need to stop being jealous of your sister. Just because I love her doesn’t mean I love you any less. I love the both of you…so much. You’re both wonderful, beautiful, talented, special little people…” My voice trailed off as I considered my own reoccurring jealousies. Had Gibson picked up on my attitude and felt inadequate next to Onnika because she watched me struggling to let things go? God, I hoped not. I didn’t want her to live that way. I cupped her cheeks. “You are the most amazing you I know, and you don’t need to compare yourself to anybody. There will never be another little girl like you. Ever.”
She stared at me a second, then grinned. “Okay.”
I kissed her nose, then stood up. It was time for me to be the most amazing me I could be. I gave Gibson to Sam, thanked him for keeping an eye on her, then headed toward the stage to take charge of my fate. Time to own this shit.
And I did. When my name was called for introductions, I stepped out onto the stage like I was receiving thunderous, earsplitting applause, and in my mind, I was. As I stepped right up to the spot where I’d made love to my wife, the thrilling image of driving into her filled me. I would visualize that moment every time I came out here. It would help me get through this.
With a knowing smile on my lips, I kissed my fingers, then found my wife in the crowd and held them out to her. You’re my everything. Anna was screaming for me as she held Onnika in her arms. Onnika was clapping, and even though I couldn’t hear her over the cheering, I could tell she was saying, Daddy! Damn. I had the best family ever. How did I almost give them up? Matt was right. I was a fucking idiot.