The expression on her face shifted between panic, horror, and hope. “This is our future you’re playing around with, Griffin. Our future, and our daughters’ futures. We have to have a plan. What’s our plan?”
Sighing, I felt that weight on my chest grow even heavier. I could have sworn some ribs were cracking under the strain. “I can still make this work, Anna.” I think. “I just have to get some cash flow going while I wait for the show to start.”
“How?” she asked, folding her arms over her chest.
“Well…now that the show is all caught up on episodes and I have more time…” Lots of fucking time. “I was thinking about putting together an album.” I debated telling her that I was going to fully fund the album myself…tell her the truth in at least one area of my life, but the steel look in her green eyes warned me not to. I had to skirt around the truth, or I was going to lose my fragile hold on her. In as optimistic a voice I could, I tossed out, “I’ll get myself a record contract, so we’ll have enough money to keep us in the clear until next fall.” And hopefully by then I’ll be a household name and you’ll have forgotten all about the show.
Anna clamped her mouth together so firmly, her lips turned white. It took her a full minute to calm down enough to speak. “So…instead of going to back to the D-Bags in the interim, who still don’t have a bassist, by the way…you want to form your own band? Are you doing this just to show them up? Are you really that angry at them?”
Her words made a flash of bitter heat run up my spine. Yes, I was. Guess letting go wasn’t something I was much good at. “No, this is what I was meant to do. I’m not doing a group thing again. I’m going solo. It’ll be just me, rocking the world.” Carefully approaching her, I wrapped an arm around her waist. “What do you think of that, babe? You’ll be married to the hottest solo artist of all time.”
She didn’t look as awed by that statement as she should have been. “I don’t mean to sound insulting, but…do you even know how to put together an album?”
No, not really. To hide my doubt, I smiled. “This is going to work, and it’s going to be great.” When she still didn’t look convinced, I added, “I’ll get help, okay? As much help as I need. In fact, first thing tomorrow, I’ll start calling record labels. Everything else will fall into place. You’ll see.”
Anna cocked an eyebrow at me. I felt like I was still in dangerous territory, so I said the most honest thing I could say. “You were right. Being a rock star has always been my dream. And I think music has been in the back of my mind ever since I left the D-Bags. I miss the stage, miss performing.” I miss the guys. Shaking off that errant thought, I told her, “Now just seems like the perfect opportunity to do something about it, since I’ve got time…” She narrowed her eyes, so I quickly changed topics. “I think you were right about the house and about our expenses though. I think we need to scale down.”
For the first time since our conversation began, her expression softened. “Well that, I can definitely get on board with.” Wrapping her arms around my neck, she looked around our opulent bedroom. “This house is way too big.”
Yeah…I was gonna miss it though. But tough times called for tough decisions. Like constantly keeping my wife two steps behind the truth.
A few weeks later, the house was almost packed up, and we were narrowing down where we wanted to rent. I’d already hired the crew who’d be creating my epic solo album masterpiece, and each one of them cost ten times more than I’d expected. I wasn’t a whiz at math, but I knew a financial black hole when I saw one. I hated to do it, but it was time to make even harder cuts, which meant…I needed to talk to my wife. Again.
Anna was in the living room with the girls, supervising while they played with dolls. Gibson was pretending that her doll was Onnika. She had her tied up with yarn and lying across a train set. The train was speeding down the tracks, and Gibson was making no move whatsoever to save the replica of her little sister.
Just when I was thinking that maybe I should have another talk with Gibson, Onnika decided to save herself. She waddled over to her distressed miniature and picked her up, right before the train collided with her. It made me feel connected to my youngest daughter. Exactly, Onnie. When life shits on you, sometimes you have to be your own superhero.
Gibson didn’t feel the same. She shoved Onnika backward, onto her plump diaper. I don’t think the fall hurt her, but the sudden movement definitely scared her.
Anna and I snapped at Gibson at the same time. Seeing us both upset made her cry, which made Onnika cry.
Girls. The tiniest things sent them into hysterics.