I knew Drew and Derik were somewhere close, but I wasn’t going to even look around for them. I didn’t care. I needed to figure out what I was doing. I couldn’t stay with him. Maybe I could talk to Mr. Callaway. He seemed to be amiably concerned about me. That would be fine had I known where to find him or how to call him. My cellphone had one number in it, Drew’s. Why did I not have other friends? Why didn’t I know anyone else? Why hadn’t anyone come by to check on me?
“Dawson,” I whispered out loud. Who was Dawson and why did I feel lost without him? I wasn’t sure about anything, and sitting there amongst a bunch of strangers was doing nothing for my memory. I may as well give up and live with the cards that I have been dealt. I got up and started walking through the park again. I didn’t look up and kept my head down. The red brick went into a big circle around the park, and I walked, following it back to where I started. If I could only follow the path back to where I remembered who the hell I was I would be a happy camper or would I. Something told me that I didn’t want to know who I was before.
I stopped and looked up at the building across the road. ‘Lennox Library,’ I knew that building. Well maybe not knew, but it did seem to be ambiguously familiar. I walked off the path and into the drought infested grass. I could hear the crunch underneath my sneakers as I walked across the dry grass.
I pushed the crosswalk button and waited for the sign to tell me that it was my turn to cross. I went into the building, and for some reason I knew to go to the second floor of the massive library. I didn’t know what was on the second floor, but I knew I had been there.
“Can I help you find something?” a lady asked from behind a desk after I just stood there.
“Do you know who I am?” I asked. It was a dumb question but worth a shot.
“Excuse me?” she asked as if she hadn’t heard me.
“Never mind,” I said and walked to the nonfiction section. I had read so many of those books, and I knew that I had gotten them from right there in that library.
Why does it even matter Morgan? It’s not like you’re going to remember anything of any importance anyway. Who cares if you used to check out books there?
Wait…I had an e-reader. I remembered Drew taking it away from me. Why would I come to the library if I had access to millions of books right at my fingertips? I took a deep breath and ran my hands over my face and pinched the bridge of my nose. I had a horrible headache that seemed to be getting worse the more I tried to figure out my life.
I was just exiting the building when my cellphone rang.
“Are you okay?” Drew asked. Who else would it be? I only had one number.
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m heading back now.”
“Did you have a nice time?”
“Yeah. I’ll see you in a little bit,” I replied, agitated as hell.
Drew must have believed me and knew that I was coming home. The car that I was sure they had followed me in was parked in front of the house.
Once again I barged right into his office. I tossed his keys and left without a word. I pretended not to notice the screen on his computer and walked in and right back out. I had a headache from hell, and couldn’t process what I had seen just yet. I went right to my bed and lay across it holding my head. I wasn’t about to touch the bottle of pills again. I would deal with the pain.
The sound of the white phone on the nightstand was deafening and echoed through my head. I was annoyed that I had to move to answer it.
“What?” I answered. I didn’t know who it was. I didn’t care.
“Are you okay?” Drew asked.
“Fine, I just have a horrible headache and want to rest a while.”
“Why don’t you take a pain pill and sleep a little.”
“I am never taking those pills again,” I assured him and myself.
“Why?” he asked. I didn’t know if I had imagined the whole thing the night before or not. I really didn’t know, but I wasn’t taking the chance.
“Because they make me have horrible nightmares,”
I retorted, hung up and lay my head back into my hands.
When I woke a couple hours later, my head did
feel better. It wasn’t entirely gone, but at least it wasn’t pounding like it had before I had fallen asleep. I didn’t move. I lay in the same position that I had for the past couple of hours with my face buried in my hands.
I knew that I had to revisit what I had seen in Drew’s office. I knew that there were cameras in this room. I didn’t get a close look, but I knew this room was on that screen. I wondered if my bathroom was under surveillance as well. I had a good feeling that it was. That was how he knew that I couldn’t get out of the tub that first day that I was home. That was how he knew to come and take the e-reader from me, but why? What was on it that he didn’t want me to see? That was how he knew that I was pleasing myself the other night. Why was I on constant surveillance? Were there always cameras in here or was it just since my accident and he wanted to be able to see that I was okay?
For some reason, and I wasn’t sure what that reason was. I knew that this had always been my room and Drew, and I never had slept together. What the hell was going on? Why couldn’t I just remember? Damnit, I wanted to remember. I needed to remember.