I smiled when I got out of the car at my mowed lawn, and then again at my stack of mail on the table.
Dawson was still taking care of me even though I had been a fucked up mess around him over the last couple of months. No. I had always been a mess around him, from day one, and he was always there for me. I opened the sliding glass door, went around and opened windows, and sprayed a can of Lysol around the house. I guess the humidity from the hot days and the closed up house caused the musty smell.
I soaked in a hot bath and ran my hand over my belly. I swear I could see a bump already.
“Oh, little baby, what a mess you are coming into,”
I said out loud.
I smiled, and got out of the tub when I heard Dawson.
“Ry?” he called.
I pulled on my robe from the hook behind the bathroom door which I also noticed the musty smell on. I made a mental note to throw it in the wash.
I’m such an idiot. I walked right into the man’s arms. I had serious problems.
Dawson placed his hands on my back and pulled me to him with a smile and a kiss. I think maybe my vagina was on break, pissed off, or just not interested in making love to Dawson. It wasn’t giving me fits like normal when one of these men touched me. I know it was because it wasn’t what I needed. I needed someone to understand me, someone to confide in without being judged. Was Dawson that someone? I was about to find out. He had just as much right to know about the baby as Drew did.
“I’m going to get dressed. I’ll be right back,” I said, pulling away from him. I couldn’t help but notice how our fingers seemed to linger as he let me go.
“Do you want a beer?” he called.
Hmmm. No alcohol for a while. “No, I think I’m just going to have tea,” I called out.
Dawson had the tea kettle on the stove when I came out.
“I didn’t think you would be back this soon. How was the funeral?”
I didn’t think I would be either. I shrugged my shoulders. “Fine, I guess. There weren’t many people there, but it was nice.”
“Do you want to sit outside?” he asked, pouring hot water over the teabag.
“Yes.”
I watched Dawson put the teaspoon of honey in my cup. I’d bet that Drew didn’t even know how I liked my tea. Dawson got himself a beer and carried my cup. I slid the door open for him, and he paused. He moved his head and kissed me lightly with a smile. I smiled back. I could tell that he was happy to see me, and he had missed me.
We sat at the table. Dawson didn’t sit across from me. He slid his chair around so that we were both looking out to the endless sea.
“How did you know that I was home?” I asked.
He smiled. “Lauren text me.”
I smiled too.
“You okay, Ry?” he asked, and for the life of me I don’t know what happened. My guess was the hormones were a little wacky, but I started crying. I don’t mean a tear escaped. I bawled like a baby. He held his arm around me, not speaking. I’m sure he had no idea what to say. He held me, kissed my head, and rubbed circles around my back.
Once I was able to stop sobbing like some sort of lunatic, I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and smiled up at him.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized.
Dawson walked into the house and came back with a box of tissues. I pulled one from the box and blew my nose.
“What’s going on, Ry?” he asked, taking my hand. I ran my hand over his light blue t-shirt where the blue was darker from my wet tears. He looked down.
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not the first time you cried in my shirt,” he said.
“Why are you so good to me?” I asked. I didn’t deserve him any more than a child molester deserved to keep their private parts. I had been so rotten to him, but could I really help it. I still didn’t know what the hell to do. I loved Drew. There was no doubt in my mind. I loved Dawson too, and now I had to go and throw a baby in the middle. Fucked up, that’s what it was.
“Because I love you,” he quietly said.
“I’m pregnant, Daw.” There, I said it. It was out. I was afraid to look at him. I was afraid that he was going to get up and walk out of my life, for good this time. It was really stupid of me. Dawson wasn’t that man. Dawson would be right there for as long as I would let him. I knew he would. I heard him take a deep breath and looked down at his hand caressing mine.
“Is it mine, Ry?”
I felt a sudden sense of déjà vu. I had already had this conversation.
“I don’t know, Dawson.” I was honest with him. I was done lying to Dawson Bade. Whether we were together or not, I was telling him everything.
I spent the next two hours, pouring my heart out to him. He knew that I was worth more than Bill Gates. I told him about Drew and Derik’s plan to dispose of me once Mr. Callaway had passed, and how they hadn’t expected him to live but a few months. I told him about him being forced to marry me or be cut out of his will. He knew about my mother being paid off too. I told him everything, even the demand from Drew that I have this paternity test.