“I have to go,” I told Max, who hung her head in disappointment. “But I’m sure I’ll see you again,” I whispered, she lifted her head and her father’s eyes met mine. It hurt my heart, but I had to rip my gaze from hers so that I wouldn’t lose it right there in front of Audrey and the thirty or so toddlers in the room.
I stood to leave, but a tiny hand wrapped around one of my fingers and tugged. “Here,” Max, whispered. She took off the purple plastic bracelet and put it around my wrist.
My heart exploded in a flurry of warmth.
Love at first sight was not something reserved for lovers, because that day I’d truly experienced it. In the span of three minutes, I’d lost my heart all over again.
I didn’t want to leave her. I wanted to pick her up and run as fast as I could out of the buzzing door and take her and Sammy back to the house on stilts.
First things first, I told myself.
I unclasped the silver and gold roped bracelet from around my wrist. I knelt down again, and with my back to Audrey, I carefully looped the delicate chain around Max’s little wrist, twice.
I didn’t stay to see her reaction to my gift; afraid that if I spent one more second with her I wouldn’t be able to walk out the door.
I stood and turned back around to Audrey, hoping she wouldn’t notice the sudden pain in my voice or tears in my eye. “Now show me this wonderful playground,” I said, with a sniffle.
Audrey continued her tour and as I followed her I felt the gaze of a pair of beautiful green eyes on my back as I walked out the door and into the blinding light of day.
Chapter Sixteen
Doe
When I told my father that King was dead, his only concern was how the hell he’d gotten out of prison in the first place. I didn’t have the time or energy to explain what had really happened, because what I really wanted was his help. “I want to adopt King’s daughter,” I told him, standing in front of his desk while he clicked away on his computer.
The senator rolled his eyes. “You’re a teenager with no source of income. The court isn’t exactly going to look upon you favorably for an adoption,” he’d told me, clicking away at the keyboard on his computer.
“You said you know the judge. You can put a word in,” I stated.
“Yes, that I can do. But that’s just a recommendation, Ramie. Even with a favor from the judge you’re still going to have to follow proper procedure. Being a single woman is not looked upon as being a favorable applicant.”
“Then I’ll fix that.”
*
“It will increase my chances of being able to adopt her,” I finished. I was sitting on Tanner’s couch in the pool house while Sammy watched TV, wrapped up in his favorite blanket on the floor. Every so often he would look back at me, and after seeing that I was still there, he’d smile and turn back to Elmo.
“Okay,” Tanner agreed, way too quickly.
I shook my head. “No, Tanner. It’s not that easy. You have to take time to think about it. Just because it wouldn’t be a traditional marriage and on paper only doesn’t mean it won’t affect your life in some ways. You have to consider all that before you make a decision, and come to think of it, there really is no upside in all this for you, so you’d have to be crazy to agree to it.”
Tanner wagged his index finger in the air. “And this is why you were never on the debate team, Ray,” Tanner said. “You’re arguing the wrong side,” he added.
“I’m serious,” I said. “This is serious.”
Tanner smiled. “I know. And I know it doesn’t mean much but I really am sorry about King.” It was the first time Tanner had said his name.
“Thanks. I want to do this for him, but for me too. Maybe it’s selfish, but I want to keep a piece of him close to me.”
“And see, that right there is the very reason I accept your proposal,” Tanner said, “because I want to keep you close to me.”
“But it won’t be…”
Tanner raised a hand to stop me. “You don’t have to keep saying it. I totally get it. But I have terms.”
“What terms?” I asked.
Tanner crossed his ankle over his knee. “I will accept your proposal and agree to marry you on the condition that you have to try. Not at first, I know you’re still grieving, but eventually I want you to try and make what we have a real marriage. We’ll make an effort together. For us. For Sammy.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “I promise, if you try and if after a year you still feel nothing for me, then I will back away as far as you want me to go.” “I…,” I started to argue. But then Sammy turned around and smiled up at me. I had been willing to whore myself out to a biker in exchange for protection, why was I so unwilling to give a little part of myself for the only family I had left?
“Okay,” I agreed. “But I need time, Tanner. I mean it. I don’t know when I’ll be ready,” I said.